Ask out Someone Who Likes You

Asking someone out is usually a stressful task. Even if you think that the person likes you, you may still have a natural fear of rejection. If you develop feelings for a friend, this can make your anxiety even worse. Luckily, by listening to them and having open and honest conversations, you can determine if someone likes you, which will make it easier to ask them out.

Steps

Asking Them Out

  1. Be confident and act natural. Act like you normally would when you're around that person. Don't act nervous or scared, and try to come off confident. Stand tall, with your shoulders back and head up.[1] When you speak, use your normal tone of voice and breathe deeply to relax if you're nervous.
    • To project confidence, make sure you don't fidget (put your hands in your pockets or hold something to keep your hands occupied). Make eye contact, smile, and speak slowly and clearly.
    • If you are confident that the person likes you, it should lessen your fear of rejection.
  2. Start a one-on-one conversation. Walk up to the person and start a conversation about something. You can start a conversation about anything, including how their day is going so far, or a recent episode of a show you both like. This will make it feel more natural when you ask them out and will make you feel more comfortable. Make sure to take them to a secluded place where there aren't other people around.
    • To start the conversation you can say something like, "Hey, did you see last night's episode of American Horror Story? It was so crazy."
    • You can also say something like, "Hey, how's your day going so far?"
  3. Ask them if they want to go out. When there is a lull in the conversation, ask them if they'd like to go out on a date. Be clear and confident when you ask them so that there's no room for confusion.[2] Asking someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend is asking someone whether they want to be exclusively romantic with you. Before this step, you need to go on a couple of dates first to establish the fact that you're "dating."
    • To establish that you want to go on a "date" rather than hang out as friends, you can say, "Hey, do you want to go out on a date with me over the weekend?"
    • If you've already gone on dates with the person and you want them to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, you can say something like, "I like when we hang out and go on dates. I'm not interested in going out with anyone else — do you want to be exclusive?"
  4. Be specific and flexible. Instead of asking someone if they want to go on a date "sometime," get specific with what you're asking them. For instance, you can say something like, "Would you like to go the movies on Friday at 6?" This will make them either give you a yes or a no and will clue them into how you feel about them. Don't get upset if they are already busy or have plans. Instead, offer up another time and date that works for them. [3]
    • If they already have plans for the day, you can say something like, "Oh, okay, well do you have free time next week?"
    • If they say they don't have time at all, then drop it and wait until they feel comfortable going out with you.
  5. Don't get upset if they just want to be friends. There is a chance that the person that you think likes you only likes you as a friend and not in a romantic manner. If they tell you this, don't be upset and don't ruin your relationship with the person. As a true friend, you should stay friends with them and respect how they feel. Instead of obsessing over the rejection or feeling down, move on and work to build a stronger friendship with the person.
    • If they say no, you can say something like, "Oh okay, that's totally cool. I just thought that you liked me that way, but I feel totally alright with just being friends."

Determining If They Like You

  1. Ask them if they like you. The easiest way to determine if someone likes you is by asking them outright. Choose a person that shares similar interests and evaluate their values. Give yourself time to get to know the person first. If you both enjoy each other's company and often have the same opinion on issues, there's a good chance that they like you.[4]
    • If the person tries to talk about deeper and personal things rather than superficial pleasantries, it's a good chance that they may like you.[5]
    • You can say something like, "Hey, I really have a good time hanging out with you. Would you like to go on a date?"
    • You can also say something like, "I noticed that we are similar in a lot of different ways, and I like spending time with you. Do you feel the same way?"
  2. Watch their body language. Someone's body language may clue you to if they like you or not. Take note if the person leans into you, and exhibits open body language when they are around you. Frequent, prolonged eye contact or gazing in your direction is also another sign.[5] If they look comfortable, relaxed, and happy, it's a good indication that they like being around you. If they touch you on the shoulder or arm, it's another sign that they are into you.
    • Take note of how the person interacts with other people as well. Do they pay you special attention or is this person regularly flirtatious with others as well?
    • If the person crosses their arms or legs and sits pointing away from you, this could be an indication that they don't like you.[6]
  3. Consider how often the person wants to be around you. If the individual always wants to be around you or makes excuses to be in your presence, there's a chance that they like you.[4] Going out of their way to talk to you at recess or lunch is a good sign that they like you.
  4. Listen to them. When a person likes you, they will usually give you compliments. This is a sign that they like you. Consider how close you are to the person and how personal they try to get with you. If they ask you how you feel emotionally or try to get intimate details about your life, there's a chance that they like you. If they ask you what you're doing over the weekend or seem curious to what you do on your free time, there's a good likelihood that they would be receptive to spending social time with you.
    • Concentrate on what they have to say and take it in and internalize it. Instead of spending time thinking about your response, hear them out.[7]

Asking Out a Good Friend

  1. Have a deep and honest conversation with them. Speak your feelings to the person without being scared of judgment or what they will say in response. Getting your feelings off your chest will make you feel happier and more fulfilled.[8] Tell them that you'd be receptive to dating. Listen to them and ask how they feel about you.
    • You can say something like, "I noticed that you might like me in a deeper way because of the way you act around me. I like you like that too, and would be open to dating."
    • You can say something like, "We started off as friends, but the more we hang out, the more I'm developing feelings for you and would like to take you out on dates. Would you be open to that?"
  2. Talk to a mutual friend. Speak to a mutual friend and try to get a confirmation that the person likes you. Explain that you are open to dating them, but aren't sure if they feel the same way. If it's a good mutual friend, they will tell you the truth. Once you confirm that they like you, ask your mutual friend if they would talk to the person you have your eye on.
    • You can say something like, "I really like Greg but I'm not sure if he likes me the same way back. Do you have any idea?"
  3. Dance and do other intimate acts together. Try to do activities where you touch each other or are close to one another. If the person feels comfortable, you may not even have to ask them out directly. Try to gauge how they feel, and match their energy. If they seem embarrassed or uncomfortable, back off, and stop doing it.
    • It is important to gauge your own level of comfort with these things first. If you don't feel ready to do something, you don't need to do it.
    • Acts of non-sexual intimacy including hugging, holding hands, dancing, or even making something together.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://medium.com/@sarahkpeck/the-art-of-asking-or-how-to-ask-and-get-what-you-want-9e7455ca375b#.gro1dwe8j
  2. ↑ https://medium.com/@sarahkpeck/the-art-of-asking-or-how-to-ask-and-get-what-you-want-9e7455ca375b#.oeowbvf6o
  3. ↑ http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/how-to-ask-someone-out-on-a-date/#.WBEn1vkrLcc
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://teens.webmd.com/features/how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2016/07/how-to-know-if-someone-likes-you/
  6. ↑ http://www.amoramargo.com/en/how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you/
  7. ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/how-to-really-listen-to-someone/
  8. ↑ https://medium.com/the-mission/honesty-how-it-benefits-you-and-others-ecb3e7fabb9a#.wf5ls188p
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