Be Annoying

"When the going gets dull, the dull get annoying," said nobody ever. But if you're bored and want to drive your friends nuts at the movies, online, at school, and elsewhere, then keep reading.

Steps

Being Very Immature

  1. Be loud. Sing along to anything and everything. Even if it is someone else's music. Especially the annoying or little-kid songs. If a friend is listening to an iPod, help yourself to one of their headphones and start singing along to the song (if you're tone deaf this works really well). Have incessantly loud conversations in public places on your cellphone. It doesn't even matter if you're actually talking to someone. Share friends private details at extreme volume over and over again. When they tell you to be quiet, just be louder.
    • Remember, you don't have to even know the words to the song, just make them up as you go along – the dumber your lyrics the better! And, for bonus points, if you are watching TV, sing along with all of the commercial jingles. You could also sing something over and over to the point where no one can stand it anymore. If they leave, start screaming at the top of your lungs until they come back.
  2. Say yes or no to everything someone asks you.  "How have things with you and Casey been going?"  "Yes."  "Does that mean good?"  "No."  "Never mind..." 
  3. Make loud animal sounds. People can get really annoyed if you sneak up behind them and make an animal noise. If someone is yelling at you or scolding you, make a questioning sound in return.
  4. Ask someone "why?" and then when they explain keep punctuating every explanation with a "why?" question.
  5. Be unaware. Ask private or embarrassing questions. You can either ask a ton of these to one person, or spread it around. If you are going to do this to any random person, do things like ask a man if he is pregnant.
    • Laugh for no reason and at random times. Don't explain yourself either when someone asks you why you are laughing, just scold them like they have offended you.
    • Alternatively, Make up inside jokes that only you know and don't share them with anyone. When someone asks you why it's so funny, just tell them that it's an inside joke.
  6. Be ridiculous. Shuffle around constantly. Act as if you can't keep still. Make some kind of a repeated movement in someone's peripheral vision.
    • Gawk at something non-existent on the top of someone's head. When you're having a normal conversation with someone, suddenly open your mouth slightly and stare at a point just over their head or right on top of their head. If they touch their head nervously and ask "what?" just stifle pretend laughter and shake your head and return to the conversation. To make it even more annoying, keep doing it throughout the day at inappropriate times.
    • When someone asks you anything, reply "sure, you want fries with that?" Also every time they state any opinion about anything, make sure you interrupt and yell "That's what she said," even if it wasn't inappropriate.
    • Tell people, in English, that you do not speak English, and you are learning from a tutor. This works even better if you use really long or rarely used words. The kind of words that only people fluent in English would use.
  7. Use toilet humor. Announce to everyone around you that you have to go to the bathroom, and that you think that they should all go too, as they have been holding it in for quite a while. When they do go to the bathroom, call out to them things like: "Are you doing okay in there?" To make it even more annoying, if there are other people in the bathroom, proudly announce to them: "My friend is in there," pointing at the bathroom stall. When you are finished in the bathroom, come out with a sigh of relief and be sure to tell them all about your time in the bathroom (even if they would rather you didn't).

Trolling Online

  1. Break the basic rules of grammar and usage. Spell things the slightest bit wrong, and when people call you out on it, tell them how stupid they are while spelling everything wrong. WRITE EVERYTHING IN CAPS LOCK. OVERUSE CAPS LOCK. when you really should write something in all caps use lowercase letters. Or CaPiTaLiZe every other letter.
    • Don't punctuate correctly? Overuse, commas. Don't worry,No exclamation marks.
    • Purposely spell things wrong. Get really upset when people don't understand you.
    • Absolutely no vowels.
    • Replace all punctuation with 'stop', or any other random word like 'canvas', or make something completely goofy up like 'foo cakes' and end all your sentences with it.
    • Spell everything backwards e.g., "sdrawkcab gnihtyreve lleps"
    • Pretend like you know everything about everyone. If you are watching a video on a makeup tutorial, go to the comments and start typing about how the person in the video grew up in south Asia, had 18 children by the time they were 14, etc.
  2. Dominate the comments stream. Clog it up with long requests for re-posts. If there's a video with no comments, comment on it saying, "OMG 1ST COMMENT" or something along those lines. You can also post comments asking "What's the name of this video?" Be argumentative needlessly.
    • Go on classic rock videos on YouTube and complain about Justin Bieber. Just complain in general. Maybe about how the cupcake you are eating is stale. Just as long as you know the person reading absolutely doesn't care.
    • Bump old threads on message boards and forums. People will be annoyed when you post "me too" in a thread from 2001.
  3. Use emoticons. Text speak also works. As many non-words as you can put into any kind of communication are smart choices if you want to be annoying. Say 'lol' at the end of everything, even if it's not funny.
    • Alternatively, always write 'liil' instead of 'lol' and then type 'oops sorry, I'm always typing the wrong keys, liil! oops, i mean kopl, i mean LOL!
  4. Make up fake personas. Make up a fake screen name on AIM, and send a message to every 'buddy' or user you know. Start a conversation to make it seem like you're their best friend, or your boyfriend just broke up with you.
    • On Facebook, make a fan-page or group titled your name. Invite everyone you do or do not know to join. Make the persona a more ridiculous and mean version of yourself. Refer to that person in third person.
    • Go on a social game and dress as girly and cute as you can, complete with a girly username, and use a ton of emoticons. If someone asks, "Are you a girl?" say "... no" or "i Don't know", whether you are or not. Note: This makes the conversation very, very awkward.
    • On chat boards, pretend you're a little kid. Whenever someone uses adult language, ask what the word means, or say, "My daddy/mommy says (insert word here) all the time! You two are alike." Misspell almost every word you type. Ask stupid questions like, "How do I log in without Mommy helping me?"
  5. Share excessively. On Facebook, put every single move that you make as your status. Be very detailed. This will annoy people. A lot. On Halloween, post the synopsis of every horror movie on Netflix, at fifteen minute increments.
    • Start a long, dull email conversation with one other person, but include everyone in all of the replies.
  6. Do NOT do this on websites you like, because you will most likely be banned.

Annoying People at the Movies

  1. Ruin the plot. If you have already seen the movie playing in a theater, stick your head through the doorway and yell out the ending. Yell it from the back of the theatre. Alternatively, make up the ending, or yell the ending to a different movie, like "Harry Potter sorta dies but not really I guess."
    • When an important part is playing, like the killer is revealed, or the couple finally gets together, sneeze or cough loudly and disturbingly. Then start yelling about why you have coughed/sneezed. "*Cough* OH SORRY I JUST HAD SOMETHING STUCK IN MY THROAT!" Make sure everyone can hear.
  2. Make loud noises. Laugh obnoxiously at really corny jokes. Shush everyone who says anything, and then go into this loud discussion on how it's very rude to talk during a movie because some people might be trying to watch it.
    • Make those annoying slurping sounds trying to get those last few drops of soda.
    • Bring two or more people with you to start a loud and obnoxious conversation while the movie is playing and make sure to be near as many people as possible. If anyone tells you to zip it, throw popcorn at them.
    • If no one wants to be with you, bring your cell phone and don't bother to put it on vibrate. Make sure that your cell phone goes off like a car alarm and don't answer it for at least a minute.
  3. Be physically annoying. Make sure to sit in the middle of the row, then every 10 minutes get up and go to the aisle. Walk around a bit and then return to your middle seat. Maybe pause halfway down the aisle to your seat. Buy some kind of cheap sticky candy, like gummy bears, and surreptitiously toss them out into the aisle or on the people in front or behind you at random intervals. If anyone looks at you strangely, eat one.
    • If someone is sitting in front of you, start kicking the person's seat and don't stop. You can also put your feet up. The dirtier your shoes are, the better.
    • Bring your jogging suit and start doing laps of the aisles, be sure to pant loud and move your hips like an expert walker.
    • Get up to go to the bathroom, and then when you get to the exit, hold it open for a few minutes while you watch the movie.
    • If you are at a movie with your boyfriend/girlfriend, stand up and make out during the best parts; it will drive the people behind you insane.
  4. Annoy the staff. Ask the manager at the concession stand if the straws are free. Stare at the ticket-taker for long periods of time.
    • Ask for special permission, demanding they make room for your imaginary friends or your disabled brother George. If they refuse, tell them something totally unrelated. Like that your father's asparagus is essential. Act like what you said actually matters. If they acquiesce to your request, act like you don't know what they are talking about. You might get kicked out, but who cares.

Being Annoying at School

  1. Mess with your teachers. Criticize their handwriting or assignments. Use the word "pedagogy." Inquire as to your teacher's private life. Refuse to do assignments. Switch seats constantly. If your teacher takes role, pull a Billy Madison and make farting sounds with your hands rather than saying "Here."
    • Correcting a teacher's grammar is a great method of irritation. Improper corrections are all the better, as in "I think you mean, 'Whom is going to recess,' don't you Miss Farquhar?" Also make up words and pretend like everyone in the class should know it. If the teacher tries to explain that it is not a real word, tell him/her how ridiculously stupid they are.
    • Whenever the teacher explains something, say that you don't get it. When they go over it again, say you still don't get it. Repeat, ad infinitum.
    • Keep saying the same number in math a lot. This will really make your classmates and your teacher want to die. Example: "What is four times two?" "Eight". "Six times seven?" "Eight". "Five times four?" "Eight".
  2. Talk too much. At lunch, go over to someone, sit uncomfortably close to them, and say, "OMG Bob, you're the best buddy ever!" If their name is actually Bob, call them Steve. Mimic everything someone says. Answer every question incorrectly, or at least raise your hand. Always say, "Eli Whitney and the cotton gin." Get your friend's name, and then run away.
    • Say," Hello" in a british accent to everyone in the class for no reason. Then ask boys who have female friends whether his female friends are his girlfriends, and ask girls who have male friends whether her male friends are her boyfriends.
    • Ask someone why they've been crying, when they are not. If they tell you they weren't crying, start explaining to them why it is okay to cry. Go into detail about a very personal time that you had been crying. For example "One time I cried so hard after I had to take a terrible dump." When they walk away, grab them and pull them close to you again. Make sure to spit excessively when you talk to make it even more awkward.
  3. Embrace nonsense. Make strange sounds like an ambulance, the sound of a performance or even echo sounds or clicking your tongue. Record your sounds in your phone and activate them constantly.
    • Stare at the ceiling while someone is speaking to you when they ask you what you're doing say "It just like... sits up there" in a really weird tone. Or stare at the floor and say that it "sits down there."
    • Sing songs about your friends which they find very annoying. Sing it over and over again with an unusual tone. "Bob takes a poop with his little tiny toilet. / Bob takes a crap with his little tiny butt," is a classic.
  4. Make your body an instrument. Crack your knuckles really loudly. Fart, burp, cough, sneeze, wipe your nose on your sleeve. Say "Sor-RY" in a really stupid voice when you do something that you don't need to say sorry for. Repeat one word over and over in a sing-song voice.
    • Bring gum to class and chew loudly in your neighbor's ear.
    • When you are next to the teacher and the teacher is talking, cough without covering your mouth.
  5. Mess with computers. Change the desktop picture. Choose something your friend will find embarrassing or lame, like a picture of the Jonas Brothers or a cosmic kitty, then draw everyone's attention to it when they come back to the computer. Delete the icons or rearrange them into crude shapes.
    • Change settings constantly. Make the mouse or track pad ultra sensitive, or set the monitor to go to sleep after thirty seconds of inactivity.

Annoying People While Driving

  1. Get a comically-sized car. Whether Suburban-sized ridiculous or Smart Car-tiny, make sure you do your driving during rush hour, that way you'll be the obnoxious gigantic vehicle on a crowded road that's trying to claim space for itself, or that you're darting in and out of traffic like a deranged eco-bunny.
    • Always have a trailer attached to your vehicle with nothing on it, or something absurd, like a horse.
  2. Turn up the volume of the radio. Play something embarrassing while your friends are in the car, like the theme song from "Titanic", little kid songs and nursery rhymes, or really crude gangster rap. Alternatively, play "Rule Britannia" at top volume. This works especially well if you are not in a British country.
  3. Behave strangely at traffic stops. Honk your horn. If you're behind someone at a stoplight, start blaring the horn and don't stop. If you want, you could leave your hand planted on the horn.
    • When stopped at a traffic light put your head on the steering wheel and pretend to be unconscious or dead and remain stationary. When somebody comes to investigate wake up loudly.
  4. Ask for "directions." When driving, pull over when you see pedestrians and wave, smile, and shout with your window down at random people in cars or on the sidewalk. Ask them where an imaginary place is. Become irritated when they don't know.
    • Yell a random word (e.g. pickle) at someone, then roll your window back up.
    • Inquire as to the availability of upscale mustards in neighboring automobiles.

Annoying People on the Phone

  1. Call at inappropriate times. Call late at night, when your friend is sleeping. If you cannot call that person for the first time, try a few more times. If still you are not connected to that person, try an hour or so later or few hours. Wait until you know your friend is busy to call and continue calling until they answer.
    • Use different numbers to dial to that person from time to time. This may reduce your chances of being caught, and increase the likelihood that your friend will answer. Put *67 before the number you are calling so the person does not know who it is. Start blabbing and repeat the same things multiple times. If they ask who you are, keep blabbing.
    • Call your boss at two a.m. to "just talk." Wait for your pink slip.
  2. Say nothing. Don't say anything when the line between that person and you are connected, just keep listening to them repeatedly, "Hello? Hello? Hello? Who are you? Anyone? Say something!" Breath heavily.
    • As you are talking, start pressing all of the keys so they beep. It will make the other person mad because of all of the beeping.
    • When you are not talking, use the buttons to "beep out" your friend.
  3. Leave too many messages. When leaving a message, scream at the end. After screaming say "PS" and then something random like "and a partridge in a pear tree!" Singing also works.
  4. Call strangers. Call a random person and start sobbing hysterically into the phone and say, "I knew this would happen! I knew it was only a matter of time! What am I supposed to do?" If the person says, "I think you have the wrong number", say, "Nobody loves me!" and hang up.
    • Halfway through your conversation, say in a robotic-type voice "This phone will self-destruct in...' then start pressing a random number key and counting down from 10 as you are pressing the button.
    • When you pick up the phone, act like the connection broke. Then after ten times, say "Oh, hi." Or if they hang up, call them back and pretend like the connection broke again.

Irritating People In Restaurants

  1. Eat really loudly. Forget your table manners. Chew your food as loudly and obnoxiously as you can. Always chew with your mouth open. Fart, burp, sneeze, and be generally disgusting by covering your face in spaghetti.
  2. Be rude. When leaving, always complain about the service and food. Make certain your complains are as inane as possible: "My pizza slice had three pieces of pepperoni on them!, "I wanted four ice cubes, not five!"
    • If it is a restaurant with balloons on each table for kids, go around taking all the balloons and claim you collect them for a living.
    • Come in the restaurant dressed up as a caveman. Have the five o' clock shadow and everything too. And instead of replying with "Yes." say "UGH!" instead.
  3. Mess with the servers. When the server asks "What would you like to eat?" respond, "Food!" If the server suggests a dish to you, scream at the top of your lungs, "I'm allergic to that!"
    • Try pointing to a dish on the menu, asking, "What's in that?" When your server answers, pick a random ingredient (lima beans, for example) and scream, "I hate lima beans!"
    • Tell your server that you need four extra seats for your imaginary friends. If they refuse, shout that you'll tell Santa that they have been naughty.
    • Order random and/or impossible things. For example, "I would like the Blue Jean Sandwich with a side of toilets, please. I would also like an elephant. Oh, and don't forget the monopoly. How's the Tinker Bell here?"
    • Sit on a reserved table or a really large table alone and refuse to move.

Related Articles

You may like

Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Be_Annoying&oldid=270484"