Be Friends with a Girl That Rejected You

Rejection is never fun, and it will hurt for a while. However, there's no reason that the girl who rejected you can't still be your friend. It will take some work and a little bit of persistence, but you might be able to get a good friend out of the rejection.

Steps

Dealing With the Rejection

  1. Be polite as she rejects you. While it's never fun to be rejected, you have to take it in stride, especially if you want to stay friends with the girl. Even if she isn't as polite as she could be, be the bigger person and accept the rejection.[1]
    • Just end the conversation with a simple, "Okay, I'll talk to you later," or something like that.
    • When you see her afterwards, just smile and say hi.
    • Don't bring up the rejection again, at least for a while. She made her decision and you'll only pester her if you keep bringing it up.
    • Never insult or threaten her. It's this girl's right to decide who she wants to date, and she doesn't deserve to be insulted because she rejected your advances.
  2. Allow yourself to be sad for a little while. Getting rejected always hurts, and it's normal to feel bad about it. Don't try to suppress your feelings of disappointment, but rather allow yourself a few days to get those feelings out. After you go through this grieving process, you can get back to building your confidence.[2]
    • Everyone grieves at their own pace, and it's normal to feel sad for a while. If you can't seem to get over it or are feeling depressed for some time, however, you might be suffering from some psychological issues. Consider talking to a guidance counselor or mental health professional to get the help you need.[2]
  3. Put the rejection in perspective. Things always seem more serious than they really are when they first happen. It might seem like this rejection is a huge deal, but think about it a little more. How much does getting rejected for a date impact your life? Probably not too much.[3]
    • Remember that this rejection doesn't mean anything about you as a person. You're not a bad or undesirable person because one girl didn't accept your advances. All the good qualities you had are still a part of you. Once you realize that, moving on is much easier.[4]
  4. Get your mind off the rejection with other activities. Any time you're feeling down, doing nothing just makes it worse. This allows your brain to dwell on the problem. Instead, distract your brain. Watch a movie, go outside and walk or ride your bike, go to the mall with friends; anything you enjoy and that will keep your mind busy.[5]
    • It especially helps to do activities you're good at. This will help rebuild your confidence. For example, if you're great at basketball, go play a pickup game at the park. Your good performance on the court will help help improve your mood and confidence level.
  5. Try to be her friend only after you've gotten over the rejection. If you're still hurt, you won't be able to focus on being a friend. You'll still be wondering why she rejected you, what's wrong with you, etc. This could result in you lashing out or acting angry at her. It's much better to work on getting over the rejection first before moving on, or you could cause unnecessary heartache for yourself.

Being Friends

  1. Avoid having ulterior motives. Before trying to cultivate a friendship with the girl, question your own motives. Do you really want to be friends with her, or are you just hoping it turns into something more? Even if you still like her, you shouldn't be friends with her just in hopes of getting into a relationship with her. This will probably end up in more rejection if she gets into another relationship or still doesn't want a serious relationship with you.
    • Also, if she realizes you have other motives, she might think twice about being your friend too.
  2. Communicate with her normally. Soon after the rejection, she may feel strange seeing you or talking with you. Show her that you've moved on and you're okay. Don't get tongue-tied or act shy. Talk about school, music, TV, and normal things you would talk with any other friend about. This will help her get more comfortable around you and view you more as a friend than a person she rejected.[6]
    • It's normal to be nervous about talking to her for the first few times after the rejection. Try reading Talk to a Girl for some ideas on how to overcome your nerves and hold down a conversation.
    • Start a conversation with her about something you know you have in common. For example, you may have a class together. Talking about the teacher or an upcoming test is a good way to get a conversation going. This will break the ice and show her that you're someone she can talk to normally.
    • Again, don't bring up the rejection. This will make her uncomfortable and she probably won't be too excited to talk to you.
  3. Find out her interests. Any friendship requires mutual interests. When talking to her, try to find out her hobbies and interests. You may find that you like a similar band or sports team. This will give you a ready-made topic to talk about when you see her, and can also give you ideas on where to hang out with her.[7]
    • During one of your conversations you could casually bring up a band or something that was on TV the night before. Pay attention to her response and see if she is interested in it. If she doesn't like what you brought up, use that as an opportunity to ask what she prefers instead.
    • Learning about one of her interests will give you even more common ground with her and can help foster your friendship. However, you should only take up a hobby or interest if you legitimately like it. Doing something just because she likes it means that you're not being honest with her or yourself.
  4. Start by socializing with her in a group. Recently after the rejection, you shouldn't ask her to hang out with you alone. She might think you're just trying to trick her into a date. Instead, invite her to hang out with your friends. Tell her she can bring friends too. She'll probably be more comfortable around her friends and you too can socialize as normal friends would.[7]
    • Movies, sports games, bowling, and going out to eat are all great activities that can be done in a large group.
    • If your friends know about the rejection, make sure to tell them not to bring it up while she's around. An off-hand comment from one of your friends could make her uncomfortable and mess up what would have been a fun time.
  5. Advance to hanging out with her one-on-one slowly. This will probably take a while, and may never happen. She simply may not be comfortable enough to see you alone, and there isn't anything you can do about it. You can still be friends if you don't see her one-on-one.
    • If you do ask her to see you alone, make sure she knows that you don't mean it as a date. Let her know that you just want to see her as your friend.
    • Also sticking to public places will probably make her more comfortable. She may get the wrong idea if you ask her to come watch movies at your house.

Giving Her Space

  1. Avoid contacting her too much. Calling or texting her constantly will probably make her think you're still interested in her, and you'll end up annoying her. Treat her the same way you would treat your other friends. Would you call your other friends three times a day? Probably not. Remember, treating her normally is the way to make her your friend.[7]
    • There isn't a concrete rule on how much contact is too much, so it will depend on the situation. Paying attention to her responses will help you see if you're going too far. If she's giving you one-word answers, taking a long time to respond, and you're doing most of the talking, these are indications that she isn't interested in talking so much. Scale back the amount you contact her.
    • If she comes out and tells you you're contacting her too much, take this seriously and cut back.
  2. Stick to boundaries when talking to her. There are a few things that should be off-limits when you talk to her. Avoid bringing up her love life, her relationship if she's in one, the fact that she rejected you, and any romantic topics. Keep your conversations on safe topics.[6]
    • Of course you can talk about these things if she brings them up first. Let her take that first step to show that she's comfortable talking about more serious topics with you. Until then, don't push the boundaries or you risk making her uncomfortable.
  3. Respect her relationship if she's in one. While it may be difficult to see her in a relationship with someone else, this is something you have to accept. You're not in a relationship with her and it's none of your business what she does romantically. Not respecting the boundaries of her relationship is rude to both her and her significant other.[6]
    • Don't insult her significant other or compare yourself to him or her. In fact, it's really best not to bring up her significant other at all unless she mentions him first. This will keep conversations from getting into inappropriate territory.
    • Sometimes people talk to their friends of the opposite sex less often when they're in a relationship. You might find this hard to deal with, but it's common and you have to respect her choices. Don't harass her if she withdraws from you after getting into a relationship. If you two became very good friends and she stopped talking to you altogether, then you could bring it up to her and say you're disappointed that your friendship has suffered. If you're only casual friends, however, let it go.
    • Never make further advances on her when you know she's in a relationship. While this would be inappropriate after a rejection anyway, it is especially disrespectful to do so when you know she's in a relationship.
  4. Make future advances only if she expresses interest in you. It's possible that after being your friend for a while, this girl may start liking you as well. If that happens and you're still interested, great. But don't make anymore advances until she expresses interest in you. This could ruin the friendship you've been working so hard to cultivate.[7]

Warnings

  • Don't delay your own love life holding out hope for this girl to like you. That might never happen, and you'll miss out on potentially life-changing opportunities.
  • If a girl realizes you like her, she may start asking you to do favors for her. Don't let yourself get taken advantage of. Only do things for her that you would do for any friend.
  • If you feel yourself getting depressed at any point, it might be a good idea to get some psychological help.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_150/179_dating_tips.html
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://www.professional-counselling.com/how-to-deal-with-rejection.html
  3. ↑ http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/02/dealing-rejection/
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201107/dealing-rejection-part-1-handling-others-rejecting-behavior
  5. ↑ http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/three-ways-to-bounce-back-from-rejection/#.VaU3rflViko
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 http://tinybuddha.com/blog/staying-friends-when-a-relationship-doesnt-work/
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 7.2 7.3 http://www.futurescopes.com/advice/111/winning-over-girl-who-rejected-you
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