Be More Attractive to Men

Contrary to popular belief, it takes more than a pretty face and a nice figure for a man to find you attractive. Studies have shown that while physical attractiveness is certainly important, your personality is even more important than how you look. To be more attractive to men, you should focus on developing positive qualities like confidence, respect, honesty, active listening skills, and generosity; elements of physical attraction, like highlighting your favorite features, flirting like a pro, and maintaining a healthy body, should be developed as a secondary focus.

Steps

Having a Good Personality

1. Be confident. For many people, being confident is easier said than done. Being confident means feeling secure in who you are and what your abilities are. If you're not already confident, there are ways to build your self esteem.
   • As an example, if you struggle with negative self talk (those voices in your head that tell you you’re a loser, worthless, stupid etc.), work on countering that with positive affirmations such as “I am thoughtful” or “I am a good friend”.
   • When you're confident, you don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes, and you don’t talk down to yourself. Confident people are able to celebrate the success of others without feeling jealous or bad about themselves.
2. Relax and Be in the Moment. It can be difficult to enjoy life when your mind is on the past or future. Instead of worrying about what you just said or what might happen next, enjoy the moment you're in.
   • If you’re nervous and unsure of what to say, a great way to connect with someone is to ask them questions. In particular, asking someone for advice about something, or encouraging them to talk about themselves, is a great way to get them to like you.
   • If you are relaxed and focused during your time with with others, they will be more likely to enjoy your company and seek it out again.
3. Be an active listener. If you’re talking to a guy you like (or anybody, for that matter), a surefire way to get them to like you (at the very least, as a friend) is to actively listen to them. Active listening involves the following steps:
   • Don’t interrupt or judge the person who is talking.
   • Nod your head or give short verbal signs (“yes”, “mm hmm”) that show you acknowledge what the person is saying.
   • Paraphrase what they’ve said so that they know you’ve understood.
   • Ask questions to signal you’ve paid attention and are interested.
4. Be honest but respectful. Resist the urge to tell a guy what he wants to hear instead of what you really think. Just be sure to be respectful while you’re voicing your opinion. There’s no need to insult him or his ideas.
   • You want him to like you for who you are, not for who you think he wants you to be. He might even appreciate that you have your own ideas and the courage to voice them.
   • For example, if a guy asks what you think of a movie you didn't like, say what you really think instead of pretending you liked it just because you think he liked it. If nothing else, it'll lead to an interesting conversation.
5. Share your passions and interests. When people talk about their passions, it's like they come more fully alive. Their excitement can be infectious, making them exciting and fun to be around.
   • When you're talking to a guy you're interested in, don't be afraid to reveal a little about what's important to you.
   • Don’t forget to ask questions about his interests, too. This will show him that you’re interested in getting to know him better, and could help him feel closer to you.
6. Do things that enrich your life. Volunteer for a cause you believe in; learn a musical instrument; take dance classes; train for a marathon; or join a recreational sports team. Being happy and fulfilled will make you more attractive to men.
   • In addition, having hobbies will give you more to talk about and more opportunities to bond with your crush, if he shares any of your interests. You might even meet someone through your hobbies.
7. Show that you care. Do little things to show him that you’re interested and that you care about him. If you’re at a party, ask him if he needs a drink or some snacks; if you’ve recently talked about a concern of his, check in to see how he’s doing with that concern.
   • Studies have shown that if you’re loving, supportive and stable, people are more likely to consider you as a potential mate, so take opportunities to show that you are all of those things.
8. Be honest about who you are. Countless romantic comedies are built around someone saying they’re someone they aren’t, and their lie blowing up in their face. Don’t be that someone.
   • If your ideal night is at home with pizza and Netflix, don’t tell your crush you’re a party animal. It will only be exhausting for you, and sad when you inevitably break up because all he wants to do is party and all you want to do is relax.
   • If you love math and want to teach, don’t tell your adventure-seeking crush that your dream job is being a snowboarding teacher at a resort.
9. Don’t change who you are for anyone else. It can be fun and even healthy to step outside of your comfort zone — for example, by trying new hobbies or being more social — but always make sure that you’re doing it with a firm sense of who you are and what you want in life. Stay true to your beliefs and goals.
   • The only good reason for changing who you are is if you are unhappy with who you are, and you want to change so that you’re happier with yourself.
   • If being with a certain guy requires you to be someone completely different, you probably shouldn’t be with him.

Boosting Your Physical Attractiveness

1. Know that your physical appearance is only a small part of your attractiveness. Research shows that while physical elements play a key role in a man’s initial attraction to a woman, other factors are also important. These include humour, beliefs, and personality.
   • Men generally like women who appear young and healthy — with good skin, youthful facial features, and trim figures — because on a subconscious level they are evaluating them as possible mates.
2. Recognize your beauty. It doesn't matter what shape you are, what your skin color is, what size you are or how long your hair is: there is beauty in you.
   • Studies show that other people see you as 20% more attractive than you see yourself. Too many women judge themselves harshly instead of seeing their own beauty.
   • Maybe you don't conform to conventional beauty standards, but who are those for, anyway? The beauty standards of today are different from those of the past and will continue to shift through time.
3. Find your personal style. You style should be an expression of your personality, rather than a copy of someone else's version of what's attractive. Wear things that fit well, suit your body type, and make you feel confident.
   • If you’re unsure of what your style is, seek inspiration in fashion icons and the people you look up to. It’s okay to experiment with different looks — it doesn’t mean you’re trying to be someone else, it’s about exploring how you express yourself.
   • Play around with accessories, styles and colors you wouldn't normally choose. If they feel good, wear them out; if they make you feel like you're playing dress-up, keep experimenting.
4. Play up your favorite features. Are there certain features that you really love about yourself? Maybe it's your deep brown eyes, your amazing hair or your pretty chin. Whatever it is, other people are sure to think it's attractive, too.
   • Find ways to make your best features stand out by choosing certain clothes, accessories and makeup that accentuate them.
   • For example, if you have really pretty dark eyes, wearing gold hoop earrings might draw more attention to them. Or, if you love your long, slender neck, you could wear V-neck tops or get a shoulder-length haircut that draws the eye to your neck.
5. Wear Makeup. Some studies show that men find women more attractive when they’re wearing makeup. Other studies have shown that men prefer women who wear less makeup (although to be fair, sometimes men think a natural look equates to no makeup).
   • If you’re not big on makeup but you’d like to try it out, you can start by keeping a natural look and just Give Your Face a Creamy Glow (Makeup). You might top it off with some mascara and a natural-looking lip gloss.
   • Ultimately it’s most important to do what feels good to you. If you don’t want to wear makeup, don’t do it.
6. Use makeup to make yourself look younger and healthier. Much of what attracts men to women is related to a primal instinct wherein their mind views certain features as signalling a better ability to reproduce. Symmetrical, youthful faces signal fertility and health.
   • Studies have shown that men prefer women with childlike faces — big eyes, small noses, full lips, and a small chin. You can use mascara and lip plumper to make your eyes look wide and your lips look full.
   • If you want to go further, try using some contouring powder to make your face look more youthful and symmetrical.
7. Play up your lips. Research has shown that on average, men are more attracted to women’s lips than to any other body part. If you put some lipstick on — especially red lipstick — your lips will be even more attractive to most men.
   • A common belief is that a full, red lip mimics widened blood vessels during arousal, leading men to think about getting intimate.
8. Pay attention to the pitch of your voice. Studies have shown that men generally find women with higher-pitched voices more attractive than those with lower-pitched voices. Researchers believe this is because the smaller voice sounds like it belongs to a smaller body.
   • Ultimately you need to be yourself. Men will be most attached to a confident woman who is comfortable in her own skin (and voice), but it’s an interesting fact worth knowing. (The study also showed that women prefer men with deeper voices.)
9. Wear red. Studies have shown that wearing the color red can make a woman appear more attractive and sexually desirable to men in particular (interestingly, not to other women).
   • There are many shades of red. Be sure to choose a shade of red that complements your complexion!
10. Give your body an hourglass shape. Research shows that on average, men are most attracted to hourglass figures — a small waist and larger hips, which suggest health and fertility. The hourglass shape is the most rare body type, so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t naturally have it.
    • You can achieve an hourglass shape through exercises that build your bum and hips, and tighten your waist; certain styles of clothing; and/or by using a waist cincher, which is also known as waist training.
    • Note that in some countries, a larger, rounder flame is considered more attractive as it signifies access to food and money.
11. Hang out with other girls. When you hang out with a group of girls, men will generally see individual group members as being more attractive than they actually are.
    • It may seem counterintuitive, as you may feel like hanging out with girls who are prettier than you will make you seem uglier, but it’s the opposite — you’ll all look more attractive.

Taking Care of Yourself

1. Be kind to yourself. This is related to being confident. You may be striving to attract a man, but what will help you do that most is to become attractive in your own eyes. Take good care of yourself: eat well, exercise, sleep enough. And don’t beat yourself up if you have an off day or don’t look like a supermodel.
   • If you’re trying to attract a man you’ll likely read all sorts of article that tell you what men like, and it will often be things that you don’t have.
   • Research has proven that personality is more important than physical appearance, which is why it's so important to be happy and comfortable in your own skin.
2. Exercise regularly. Advice varies depending on what you read, but on average, if you’re trying to stay in shape, you should aim to be active at least 30 minutes a day, every day. This could be something as simple as going for a walk or doing three 10-minute bursts of exercise throughout the day.
   • Exercising does more than keep your body healthy. It keeps your mind healthy too!
3. Drink enough water. Divide your body weight (in pounds) in half: that’s how many ounces of water you should drink a day. The amount could be more if you live in a hot climate and/or exercise regularly.
   • A 150-pound woman should drink between 75 and 150 ounces of water each day depending on her level of activity and where she lives.
4. Get enough sleep. Studies have shown that people who are sleep deprived are less attractive than when they have had a restful night’s sleep.
   • It’s possible to hide a bad night’s sleep with a good concealer. Get one that closely matches your skin type and use it to cover up any dark under-eye circles. Precede it with an eye cream if you need help with puffiness.
   • If you regularly don’t get enough sleep, consider seeing a doctor to see what the problem may be.
5. Eat healthfully. Eat lots of fruits, veggies, whole grains, and lean proteins. Avoid eating processed and packaged foods, and too much sugar or salt. This will help keep your weight down, your mood stable, and your skin and hair looking good.
6. Keep your skin healthy. Wash your face twice a day with a cleanser made for your skin type (types include normal, combination, oily, and sensitive). Follow this up with a good moisturizer that contains an SPF.
   • When you get out of the shower, apply a body moisturizer to keep all of your skin feeling smooth and soft.
7. Have a great smile. Smooth, full lips and straight, white teeth are commonly quoted as being key attractors for men and women. Drink enough water and regularly moisturize your lips to keep them smooth, and regularly brush your teeth.
   • Straight, white teeth are a sign of good genetics and on a primal level attract men.
   • If you don’t have white teeth, don’t fret! It’s totally normal. If your teeth are healthy but just a bit stained, clean them up with a whitening toothpaste, or consult your doctor about a whitening treatment.
8. Take good care of your hair. Studies have shown that long, full, shiny hair is most attractive to men as it signifies health and fertility. On average, men rate women with long hair as more attractive than those with short hair, even if they have the same facial features.
   • More important than tailoring your hair (or anything for that matter) to getting a guy is wearing your hair in a look that complements your facial shape and your personal style. Above all else, you need to feel good about how you look.
   • If you do want to experiment with longer hair, consider trying clip-in hair extensions, which can be purchased at salons and beauty supply shops. If your hair is very short, you might try a wig instead.
   • Avoid dyeing, straightening, or otherwise over-processing your hair, as frizzy, damaged hair is unattractive.

Flirting With Men

1. Hang out in places where you tend to have a lot of fun. These are the spots where you feel the most carefree, relaxed, and happy, making you look and feel more attractive.
   • You’ll also be more likely to meet men who share your interests and have fun doing the same things you love.
   • For example, if you love playing softball, join a co-ed softball team. You’re at your most attractive when you’re relaxed and having fun, so be good at what you do, but don’t take it so seriously that you get angry or mean!
2. Make eye contact. This is possibly the most effective flirting technique there is. Making eye contact projects confidence, show's you're interested, and makes people weak in the knees.
   • A common practice is to look into his eyes and then smile briefly before looking away. Do this a few times over 20 minutes or so, and if he’s interested, he’ll likely approach you.
   • If you’re already talking to him, make eye contact at special points in the conversation, like while you're giving him a compliment. Once in a while, hold his eyes just a little longer than normal to suggest that something deeper is going on.
   • Don't linger for too long, or it could get intense and weird. Keep things subtle in the beginning.
3. Smile. Research has shown that happy women, particularly smiling ones, are generally more attractive to men. Make sure your smile is sincere, engaging your eyes and not just your mouth, which can come off as looking fake.
   • Laugh if he says something you think is funny, but make sure it's not forced.
   • A very powerful flirtation technique is to smile and make eye contact at the same time.
   • You can tailor your smile to the occasion — a brief shy smile to get him interested, or maybe a longer mischievous grin once you’re already talking, to let him know you’re interested too.
4. Start a conversation. You don't have to wait for him to do the talking. If you're interested in someone, introduce yourself and strike up a friendly conversation so you can get to know each other a bit.
   • Be sure to keep things light-hearted. If you’ve just seen a movie or a concert, talk about that. If you’re sharing a class, ask how he’s enjoying it.
   • As you converse, see if you can gauge his interest. If he returns eye contact, asks you questions and seems engaged, keep up the conversation and see where things go.
   • If he doesn't seem interested, don’t push it. Just tell him it was nice to meet him, politely excuse yourself, and start talking with a friend or someone else.
5. Compliment him. A safe way to show a guy you’re interested and to make him more interested in you is to compliment him. Studies have shown that even insincere compliments can be effective, but it’s be to be sincere in your compliments.
   • If he looks good in a specific shirt, tell him. If he changes his hair, let him know you’ve noticed and that you like it. Compliments will not only make him feel good; they’ll hint to him that you like him.
6. Take the conversation to the next level. If the conversation goes really well, and it seems like he's reciprocating, you can ask for his number. You don't have to wait for him to make the first move.
   • Schedule the date for a few days later so you both have some time to think about it and get ready.
   • If you're not quite ready to go on the date, you could just get his number or give him yours.
7. Mirror his body language. Don’t be obvious about it, but do mirror the positions and movements that a man takes when he’s talking to you. Mirroring his actions sends a subconscious message that you like him, and it will make him more likely to like you back.
   • As an example, if he runs his hand through his hair, wait a minute or two then casually do the same, with your other hand though. Make sure it looks unintentional. You don’t want to seem like a creepy copier (which you kind of are!).

Tips

• Keep your phone on silent and in your purse/pocket when you’re on a date. If you're checking messages, looking for funny pictures and Instagram-ming your meal, your date will begin to wonder whether you even want him there.
• Gross but true: If you’re only looking for a brief romantic encounter based on physical attractiveness, one study has shown that men are more attracted to women who appear to be immature, dumb, or drunk. The opposite is true for men looking for long-term partners, where smarts boost attraction.
• Many men reportedly want a woman they know and trust over someone who may be more traditionally (and thus initially) attractive.

Warnings

• Don’t become someone you’re not just to get a guy. It’s said so often it might have lost meaning for you, but it’s true: the most important thing you can do to make yourself more attractive is to think you’re attractive. Be confident and know that you’re beautiful inside and out.
• Don’t expect all men to live up to the stereotype — for example, wanting youthful-looking women with small, hourglass figures and high-pitched voices. The studies that suggest these variables must work on averages, and as a result they cannot accurately tell you what every man will be like.

Related Articles

• Apply Makeup for a Natural Look
• Understand Guys Who Want Long Term Relationships
• Smile With the Eyes

Sources and Citations

See also

• Clean Your Eyebrows
• Figure Out if Someone Likes You
• Navigate Sexual Issues While Single
• Be a Hairy Woman
• Deal With Missing Someone
• Feel Good Alone in Your 50s
• Live a Life of Celibacy
• Go Places Alone
• Avoid Falling in Love
• Become a Loner

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• Be Pretty
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• Be and Feel Beautiful All the Time