Be a Cool Teenager

Everyone has a different definition of what it means to be truly cool in your teenage years, but there are a few things you can do that will make you cooler anywhere. Being cool isn't the most important thing in the world, but it is important to be friendly and well-liked as a teen. In the end, being cool is all about confidence. Once you feel confident, the cool will follow. Remember that, above all, cool is not an activity or style, it is an attitude.

Steps

Finding your Confidence

  1. Act on your own desires, not other people's. Being cool is, first and foremost, about being independent. People admire those that seem self-assured, willing to fight or stand up for their own ideas, and don't seem to need anyone else to be happy. Being cool is, in large part, about beating your own drum. You are rejecting the expectations put on you by parents, teachers, and even peer pressure because you're confident enough to make it work on your own.
    • Think about what you want in life. What are your personal hopes and dreams, and how can you pursue them?
    • Stick to your own personal "code." If you're constantly changing your ideals and morals with every new friend you make, people will eventually see you as untrustworthy and uncool.[1]
  2. Think about what "cool" means to you. Being cool is not something that is easily defined. More importantly, defining cool is often the easiest way to kill it. Being cool isn't about adopting a formula, finding the "secret," or analyzing why some people are cool and others aren't. Being cool is much more relaxed and elusive. It is about being your own person, rejecting other people's authority or ideas for how you should live your life. But it is also about being friendly and open to new experiences. You should ask yourself:
    • Who do I admire, and why?
    • Who do I see as cool, and why?
    • What are the attitudes, not the hobbies, fashion, or upbringings, of the people I find cool? Notice how the hobbies are wide-ranging, but the attitudes are not.[1]
  3. Become the best you can be in the areas that interest you. Talent and skill, in almost any field, breeds coolness. If you're the best musician in the room, can fix your friend's computer troubles with ease, or stay late to work on the best slapshot in the state, you will gain the respect and admiration of all around you. Remember that being cool is about being confident, and the easiest way to gain confidence is to work hard at something. The pride and self-respect earned by succeeding will rub off on other people, attracting them to you and your success.
    • Using your skills to help others out or teach newbies will get people to look up to you, fostering an atmosphere of cool that is impossible to fake.
  4. Reject peer pressure with simple, direct language. If you don't want to do something someone tells you, don't. But you also don't want to waver back and forth, showing that you feel swayed but aren't sure what to do. Be confident in your decision. People respect someone who sticks to their guns, even if they are disagreeing about something. If someone tries to bully you into something, or puts you down for something you did or someone you talked to, keep your response quick, honest, and to the point. If people keep pushing you, you can even jokingly note that "You'll need a better reason to convince me than peer pressure." Remember — be your own person, not someone's follower.
    • "No thanks, it's not for me. I'll catch up later."
    • "Don't you have better things to worry about than me?"
  5. Take pride in your appearances. Anyone who pays attention to fashion will tell you that it is almost impossible to predict what will be "trendy." But appearing cool isn't about wearing the right clothes, it is about wearing the clothes confidently. Care about your appearance and about your clothes. They don't have to be expensive, they just have to look nice. Have your own unique style, and don't try to dress like anyone else unless you want to. Some good ways to cultivate a cool style include:
    • Check out fashion magazines or blogs for ideas on pairing clothing and current trends. You can gain inspiration from anywhere.
    • Keep it simple and effortless if you aren't into fashion. The little black dress is always in style, as is a simple button-down and a pair of jeans. Simplicity is easier to manage, and looking like you aren't trying hard to be fashionable is much cooler than going all out every day and wearing something silly.
    • Keep accessories to a minimum, but use them to give a flair of uniqueness. 1-2 simple pieces of jewelry, a nice watch, or a pair of sunglasses is all you need to take a simple, tasteful outfit into the next level of cool.

Gaining Popularity and Respect

  1. Embrace your own quirks and interests with confidence. There is no one version of cool — it is more of an attitude than a set of interests or beliefs. Being cool requires confidence, an attitude that says "I don't care what you think, I'm doing this for me." If you don't like you, how can other people? Be comfortable in your own skin, and make choices that help you respect yourself. Respect for yourself is ten times more important than others' respect for you. Moreover, confidence in yourself is the number one thing most important thing you can do to be "cool."
    • What do you enjoy doing? What kinds of people to you admire?
    • Not everyone is cool to everyone else. Just because one group of people don't find you cool doesn't mean that another group won't think you're the best thing since sliced bread. Stop trying to find what other people think is cool; just be your confident, cool self. The admiring friends and followers will follow.[2]
  2. Be open to new, fun experiences and ideas. If anyone suggests something to do, as long as it's legal, healthy, and doesn't go against your principles, don't turn it down. Be known to be someone who will support fun activities. Finding new hobbies or games leads you meet new people and gives you great stories and unexpected new ideas to bring back to your friends. Traveling, picking up a new sport, going to see a young band, or trying out some hobbies will broaden your horizons and friendship group.
    • Finding and sharing great new music, movies, and TV is a great way to show that you're up on the coolest new pop culture.
    • Trying new things gives you new things to talk about. This can help you start a conversation with anyone, since you might know a little bit about their favorite things.
  3. Have a healthy sense of humor. Typically, the funnier you are the cooler you become. Laughter is contagious, and your name will spread like wildfire along with the chuckles. But humor isn't just about cracking jokes. It includes being able to take a joke that is directed at you with grace and good will. Cool kids see themselves as a level above the rest, slightly detached and unworried by small jokes or slights. A mean joke just rolls off of them, because they don't care enough to get upset. They know that jokes are ultimately harmless.
    • The best way to deal with a joke aimed at you is to send another joke right back. This shows that you can handle the pressure calmly, but are also willing to stick up to yourself.
  4. Be sociable, accepting invitations and going to events. Put yourself out there and go to as many events and social functions as you can. These could be dances, sporting events, parties, shows, etc. Support your friends at their events (like their games or concerts) as well, showing people that you care and can be relied on as a good pal.
  5. Don't do things for the sake of looking cool. This is the most uncool thing that you can possibly do. Remember that being cool is about being true to yourself. It is about giving off the aura of individuality and confidence. If you're doing things to intentionally look cool, you'll never actually look cool. You need, instead, to be yourself and let the coolness come naturally. Once you're confident in your own abilities and coolness, you're the coolest kid on the block.
    • A recent study showed that kids who try to be too cool in high school have a higher rate of drug use and lower life satisfaction than the kids who just acted like themselves. Ultimately, those true to themselves end up cooler and happier.[3][4]

Finding a Wide Array of Friends

  1. Know that popularity and coolness are a result of making friends. The only formula to "being cool" is to have a variety of friends. When people like and respect you, they think you're cool. There are, of course, the bullies, jerks, and cruel cliques that tell themselves that they are cool by rejecting others. But you should ask yourself — if no one else in school really likes them, are they really cool? Or are they simply acting cool? More likely than not, the coolest kid you know is the one with tons of friends; the kind of kid that anyone would be happy to sit and talk to over lunch or between classes. If you want to be cool, this is the approach you need to adopt.[5]
  2. Expand your friend group to include as many people as possible. You can have close friends, and even a best friend, but if you stick to one friend at all times you'll never meet anyone new. This doesn't mean that you should try and be everyone's best friend. But you should feel free to talk to anyone and everyone at your school. Give everyone a chance, even if it is only because they sit next to you at class. Think of it this way — when you see kids acting cool and ignoring other people, how cool would they be if they suddenly switched schools and lost their clique? Being cool is not about rejecting friends, it is about gaining them.
    • Simply asking someone "how's it going?" or waving hello to an old friend you may have lost touch with shows that you value people's friendship. People like to feel valued, and they will respond by valuing and respecting you.
  3. Be friendly and approachable at school. While there are plenty of Hollywood examples of cool people who are quiet, distant, and seemingly alone, in reality you can only be cool if people think you are cool. And people can only think that once they get to know you a bit. As a teenager, you spend 6-8 hours a day with the same people, and they will notice if you never take the time to talk to them. Wear a smile, sit down with people at lunch, and make small talk with your locket-mates and classmates. If people feel like they can come up to talk to you, they'll want to become your friend.
  4. Compliment people instead of putting them down. A good, genuine compliment is one of the best ways to gain respect and admiration from your peers. Put downs, however, tend to push people away, even if they gain a quick laugh or surge in coolness. When you put people down, you create social walls, and that person will never end up thinking you're cool once you've hurt their feelings. Compliments, on the other hand, show people that you care and noticed their accomplishments, which in turn helps them tune into your successes.
    • When giving compliments, make sure they are genuine. Fake or half-hearted compliments make you look like a suck-up, and your coolness will tank.[6]

Tips

  • Never forget who you are. Being cool is simply a trait you have that will be seen by others, not a personality change. Don't change yourself drastically just to be cool. Stay true to yourself so people can like you for who you are.
  • You don't have to be shy. If you want to meet someone, go ahead and introduce yourself nicely. At parties and dances, be confident and go up to the person and ask for a dance with a polite, gentle smile. If you get rejected — so what? That is their loss.
  • Have fun with your life. If you are considered cool but don't enjoy the sacrifices you have to make to stay cool, then what's the point?
  • Self-confidence is a virtue. If you care too much about what others think about you, you will never be cool.

Warnings

  • When you become cool you don't have to ditch old friends because they're not as popular as you; real friends are so much more important than being a cool kid. If you do that, it means you are not being a true friend. And this honesty is ultimately what makes the coolest, popular kids the cool ones.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations=

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 https://philosophynow.org/issues/80/What_Does_It_Mean_To_Be_Cool
  2. ↑ http://thoughtcatalog.com/nikolao-montaya/2014/06/how-to-be-cool-in-high-school/
  3. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/kids-who-were-cool-at-13-are-not-at-age-23-2015-7
  4. ↑ http://jezebel.com/study-being-cool-in-high-school-is-bad-for-you-1590505056
  5. ↑ http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/06/18/the-new-cool-can-coolness-be-studied-like-a-science.html
  6. ↑ http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/06/18/the-new-cool-can-coolness-be-studied-like-a-science.html
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