Be a Good Husband and Father

This article offers pointers on how to be and be perceived as an ideal husband and an ideal father. The only authenticity that the author of this article can claim for it is that he is himself a husband and a father who makes a sincere effort to be both, but is always cautious that it is not enough. Thus, he is always in the learning mode.

Steps

On being a good husband

  1. Trust your wife and then actually do so. Remember, she is and will be in charge of some of the most important fronts in your life. It would not do to have it any otherwise.
  2. Love your wife. It is equally important to be able to actually love her for being all that she is unto you. You, her husband, are no more of an individual (nor no less, as well) than her. This means that you cannot give either more or less importance to your own individuality than you would give to hers. If you have been doing so without realizing it, now is always the time to stop. If she is given to servility, it becomes your duty automatically to point it out to her and ask her to stop being servile.
  3. Talk openly. When you happen to doubt her integrity, as will happen between any two persons staying together in any given environment for a time, it is most important that you have a heart-to-heart talk with her on the matter and sort things out at the earliest.
  4. Take heed of her sacrifices for the relationship. While she might make sacrifices, in an effort to 'adjust,' it is up to you to ensure that she makes none that you do not share in or know of. If you only know of any sacrifices she has made, it is up to you to reciprocate and make it worth her effort. How you do it is entirely up to you, but do it you must.
  5. Provide if that is a role you have chosen. If you are the provider in the family, you must, naturally, 'provide'. It is your primary duty and is no obligation to those for whom you provide.
  6. Think of ways to be more human, or even magnanimous, if you like. The above tenets are by no means the only ones that can be followed. However, they are inserted here with some calculations that will translate into a highly satisfactory married life if taken seriously and lived up to.

Fatherhood

  1. Make yourself responsible for all present and future well-being of your child from the day he/she is born and do it with a glad heart. A father should not bear any grudges or misgivings as to the sex, the colour of the skin, or any other trait of his child - whether own or adopted. If a father has any such doubts in his mind, he is immediately and naturally deprived of the capacity to be a good father.
  2. You do not necessarily have to fulfill each and every whim of the child. Instead, select the best of everything that will genuinely benefit the child while not burning your pockets.
  3. Be consistently and constantly committed to the present and future well-being of your child. A good father must be willing to make sacrifices for his child's sake. If the child will benefit from staying away from home for educational or other purposes, the father has a natural capacity to bear separation. And he must employ it to good use. When not separated, his time, his ear, his patience, and his advice are some of the most valuable expendables that he can spend for his child. He must not ever be unwilling to spend these.
  4. Show and receive trust. The best measure of being a good father is reflected in the trust invested naturally in him by his child. Therefore, it is of critical importance that a father never betrays his child's trust in him.
  5. Be a guide not a best friend. The child is not your partner. Your child needs you to provide not only food, toys, medicines, and so on. Your child needs you to pass on your accumulated wisdom, your strengths, and your goodwill. These will pass on naturally, you only need to intend them to.
  6. Feel free to make positive inferences from all of the above. Remember, you can be whatever you want to be if you only intend genuinely.

Tips

  • Learn to say no and to say yes, but most importantly, learn when to say which. Make a sincere effort at it.
  • Learn to be friendly when necessary.
  • Learn to respect others like how you would respect yourself.
  • Always be open to suggestions and criticism.
  • Take everything positively. It is difficult, but do try, the rewards are worth it.
  • Never ever tolerate anything that is forced on you. Nobody is entitled to force anything on you. If they do, it is always only because you allow them to. Consciously or otherwise.
  • Always make informed choices.

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