Behave Like a Contemporary Gentleman
Being a gentleman is sure to impress any girl you're interested in (or at least, any girl who is worth the effort!) It's also great to act gentlemanly around parents and grandparents, employers, teachers, and anybody else who might need to think you're great.
Contents
Steps
- Pay attention to how you dress. You don't have to dress "preppy" but you should make sure your pants, shirts and shoes are of good quality and in good repair. Gentlemen don't wear things that are scuffed, stained, ripped, ill-fitting, or otherwise in bad shape. Wear only clothes in which you feel confident. But don't try to be something you're not, women can always tell when you're faking it.
- Be courteous when you talk to a girl. Make conversation, but let her do at least half the talking. Look her in the eyes. Don't stare at other parts of her body, and don't lean in too close unless you're about to kiss her.
- Practice your handshake. (Shake hands with your friends until you get this right.) You should reach out, grasp the other person's hand firmly but without crushing their fingers, give two up/down shakes, and then release. Shake hands immediately upon being introduced to someone new, and say "How do you do?" which is a greeting and not a question. Never ever say "Pleased to meet you." It is very middle/working class manners to say that. This also applies to girls, but do not squeeze their hand. Hold her fingers and gently shake up and down. If someone does not hold out their hand to shake, simply nod your head and proceed as if nothing has happened. Make sure that when you're shaking someone's hand that you look them in the eye. Eye contact shows respect and confidence.
- Don't use bad language. A foul mouth is not gentlemanly at all. Try to speak clearly, with your head up, and use correct grammar. Don't use big words if you don't know what they mean. If you don't know much about the subject of conversation, you can keep silent, ask what someone else thinks, or make neutral remarks.
- Avoid talking about matters that people might find gross, disturbing or rude. If someone else brings such a subject up, listen politely but don't say anything. (Of course, there are exceptions depending on how well you know someone, and what they would or wouldn't find offensive and disturbing.)
- Practice your posture. Gentlemen can appear at ease without slouching, you know!
- Keep all your belongings (house, car, etc.) and yourself neat and clean. Don't leave trash lying around or dirty dishes in the sink. Shower daily, wear deodorant (but not too much, cologne or deodorant you can smell from a mile away is off putting) and brush/floss your teeth.
- When initiating physical contact other than handshakes, take it slow. Don't touch a person until you have gotten to know them well first.
- If you ask someone out on a date, offer to pay for dinner. You can let the girl talk you into splitting the bill in half if you want, but don't let her pay for the entire thing.
- If you're visiting somebody's house for dinner, help clear the table. Offer to help wash the dishes.
- Pull out the girl's chair and take her coat for her when she sits down.
- If you're in a restaurant or out with friends and you are offered alcohol to drink, do not have more than one drink. If you're with people you know well, you can have up to two, but don't have more than that. A simple drink of a high-quality liquor is usually better than a mixed drink with cheap ingredients.
- Always stand when a woman approaches to talk to you or if you are introduced to a woman when you are sitting.
- When you're riding on a bus or public transportation, stand up and offer your seat if an elderly person, pregnant mother, or (ideally) any woman gets on board.
- However, do not fake this! Women can always tell if you are secretly a sleazy slime ball hiding behind the appearance of a gentlemen. If all else fails, simply remember this - being gentlemanly is about being courteous and respectful.
Tips
- When offering a woman your seat, don't wait until she accepts to get up. This gives the impression that you are just doing it as a formality rather than really offering your seat. Instead, get up and then offer the now-empty seat.
- The key to this manoeuvre is to know the line between going out of your way to be a gentleman (thumbs-up) and going too far to be a gentleman (thumbs down). Ideally, you should be able to trust your gut as to what is too far. If you're a novice, it's generally appropriate to go one step beyond what your gut tells you to do. (Chivalry is uncommon, so it will probably feel weird at first.) However, there are a few rules of thumb:
- If she would have to push her way through several people to get to the seat, don't do it.
- If there is a group and they all can't have seats, don't do it.
- If you are sitting with a friend in a pair of seats, either you both do it or neither do. For just one person to do it creates a lot of weirdness.
- If you offer and she declines, try once more. If she declines again, sit down. The key here is to sit down without being even a little bit condescending.
- The key to this manoeuvre is to know the line between going out of your way to be a gentleman (thumbs-up) and going too far to be a gentleman (thumbs down). Ideally, you should be able to trust your gut as to what is too far. If you're a novice, it's generally appropriate to go one step beyond what your gut tells you to do. (Chivalry is uncommon, so it will probably feel weird at first.) However, there are a few rules of thumb:
- Learn to iron your own clothes, and iron them. Don't expect a girl to do it for you. A gentleman is self-sufficient.
- Wear loafers or dress shoes. Make sure your shoes fit you well and are shiny and in good condition. Your socks should always match, of course.
- Always wear a belt. Don't choose a belt with an oversized buckle or a lot of studs on it, though. As a gentleman, you may consider braces or suspenders as a method of keeping your trousers in place.
- Dont be a gentleman just to the girl you want to impress. You should be a gentleman to everyone.
- Pull a chair and push it gently (not rushed) when her knee starts bending.
Warnings
- When you're making conversation, avoid topics the other person (or people) might find offensive. Don't talk too much about yourself.
- Treat all women with chivalry, but don't be condescending.
- Never just be interested in sex, it is disrespectful.
- Be careful when it comes to piercings and tattoos. It has become increasingly common and as such also generally accepted, but a gentleman will always try to blend in smoothly and if piercings or tattoos are not accepted for the company or occasion, hide them.
- Don't get drunk under any circumstances. It's not dignified and is very off-putting. (Besides, if you're driving home later, it can be dangerous to you and your date.)
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