Find a Modern Day Mr. Darcy

Pride and Prejudice, one of Jane Austen’s most popular novels, if not the most popular. First published in 1813 and based in early 19th century England, the novel explores the relationship between Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy (the infamous Mr. Darcy). Elizabeth, also known as Lizzy, is from a family with only modest means and holds several prejudices against Mr. Darcy from the very beginning. Mr. Darcy, on the other hand, is a rich, intelligent and shy English gentleman with extensive pride.[1] While their personalities clash when they first meet, they eventually fall in love and get married. And after reading Pride and Prejudice, many women around the world have wondered how they too can get their hands on their own Mr. Darcy.

Steps

Assessing the External Package

  1. Look for a guy who is incredibly wealthy. The fictional Mr. Darcy is a wealthy landowner with a massive estate and lots of servants. A modern-day Mr. Darcy does not need to be a landowner, and doesn’t necessarily have to have a plethora of servants, but he should most definitely be rich. In Mr. Darcy’s case his wealth was inherited and passed down through his ancestors. A modern-day Mr. Darcy should come from a good family, but could have earned his wealth on his own.[2][3][4]
  2. Seek someone well-educated. The fictional Mr. Darcy was raised properly by parents in the upper class. He was a first-born son, which means they had high expectations of him from the minute he was born. But at the same time, he was spoiled. He was taught that he was always right and didn’t need to answer to others. A modern-day Mr. Darcy should be someone who was raised in a good family who loved him, but maybe gave him a little too much freedom. He shouldn’t be spoiled-rotten, but he definitely had a pleasant upbringing.[2]
  3. Consider only guys who are classically handsome. The fictional Mr. Darcy is handsome and sexy — to some. He’s not super-model beautiful, but he’s not ugly. He’s got a sophisticated, sexy look that some (but not all) women will find attractive. A modern-day Mr. Darcy cannot be someone with looks that always turns heads and gets noticed. He can’t be considered gorgeous and hot. He’s someone that you might not look twice at when you first meet him, but after time he grows on you.[3][4][5]
    • Look for someone who also has great hair and knows how to sport excellent sideburns![6]
  4. Find a guy who is tall. The fictional Mr. Darcy is tall. The book mentions this by the way others talk about him and describe him. In fact, the book goes out of the way to make one of the least desirable men in the story be very short and stubby (Mr. Collins). A modern-day Mr. Darcy must be tall. His height is what gives him confidence and allows him to think he’s above some other people. It’s also something that might make him a little uncomfortable because it makes him stand out in a crowd, when he doesn’t want attention.[4]

Looking for the Right Personality Traits

  1. Do not look for Mr Right. The fictional Mr. Darcy is not a Mr. Right. In fact, we learn early on that Mr. Darcy is more likely a Mr. Wrong. He has a temper, he’s extremely judgemental (and prejudice, just like Lizzy), he’s rude, he’s conceited, he’s vain and he doesn’t always do the right thing at the right time. And there are times when Mr. Darcy may try to be a gentleman, but fails miserably due to his pride. A modern-day Mr. Darcy should not be a perfect man. He needs to have faults. He needs to make mistakes. He needs to learn from experience and use those mistakes to change his behaviour.[2][3][4][5]
    • Look for a guy who annoys and frustrates you every now and again.
    • Look for a guy with whom you’d fight with every so often.
    • Look for a guy who doesn’t meet every expectation or qualification on your list.
    • Look for a guy who challenges you and needs you to explain your opinion when it differs from his (which should be fairly often).
  2. Find a guy who knows all the proper etiquette and has exceptional manners. If nothing else, the fictional Mr. Darcy is a perfect gentleman. He knows what it means to be a gentleman (in 19th century England) and works his hardest to live up to that standard — and he’s ashamed of himself when he doesn’t meet that standard. A modern-day Mr. Darcy should know what it means to be a gentleman in the modern era, and also work to live up to that standard — although many types of proper manners haven’t changed that much.[2][7]
    • Look for a man who always holds the door open for someone else, not just other women.
    • Look for a man who stands up when a woman is also standing up (e.g. arrives or leaves a dinner table).
    • Look for a man who doesn’t start eating before everyone else at the table has been served and has taken a bite.
    • Look for a man who doesn’t openly share every opinion he has unless specifically asked.
    • Look for a man who knows which fork to use in a complicated table setting.
  3. Search out a guy with pride (or prejudice). The fictional Mr. Darcy has a lot of pride. Mainly because that’s how he was raised to think and behave, so in some ways, he doesn’t know any better. He can be judgemental at times and condescending when he’s not thinking. But his pride doesn’t end up defining him. Instead he works to change his way of thinking and acting, and improves himself for the sake of love. A modern-day Mr. Darcy should be proud of who he is and where he came from, but he shouldn’t use his pride as a means for comparing himself to others.[5]
    • Look for a guy who is proud of his heritage and background, but doesn’t use that heritage or background to define who he has to be.
    • Look for a guy who is proud of his accomplishments and will admit that.
  4. Pinpoint a guy who treats family and close friends with the upmost respect and reverence. In addition to being a perfect gentleman, the fictional Mr. Darcy holds a special place in his heart for his close friends (Mr. Bingley, devoted servants, tenants) and his family (specifically his sister, but not his aunt!). The modern Mr. Darcy must be someone who treats his beloved family members with the highest level of respect, but knows when a family member does not live up to his standards. He should also be someone who takes on familial responsibility when required.[2][5][5]
    • Look for a guy who always greets and thanks his doorman, secretary, and chauffeur.
    • Look for a man who can help you out without needing to take you over.
    • Look for a man who supports you but doesn’t expect you to do what he wants to says all the time.
    • Look for a man who knows you are independent and that you love your independence.
  5. Track down a guy who is liked, and even envied, by others. The fictional Mr. Darcy is liked and envied by a lot of the people around him, for different reasons. Some people are jealous of his wealth. Others wish they had his property and inheritance. The important thing, however, is that Mr. Darcy does not go looking for this attention. In fact, he hates it. A modern-day Mr. Darcy should be the same way. He should be someone who is admired and liked by those around him, but from a distance. He should also be uncomfortable with that admiration and wish it would go away. He should also be someone who others envy and wish they could be.[2]
    • Look for a guy who is talked about by others in the nicest possible way. A guy who everyone has something good to say about, even if the people talking about him might actually be a little jealous.
    • Look for a guy who is ‘in demand.’ Someone who is always invited to parties and dinner, sent Christmas cards every year, remembered on his birthday, etc.
    • However, at the same time, he should be a guy who isn’t necessarily thrilled with this attention. He should be a guy who would prefer not to really be noticed if possible.
  6. Consider a guy who is shy in some cases. The fictional Mr. Darcy is shy. He may not admit this, but it is true. He’s not very outgoing. He doesn’t initiate conversations with strangers. He isn’t at ease at a party like his friends are. A modern-day Mr. Darcy should not be perfect in every social situation. There should be situations that make him uncomfortable and stand in the corner. He shouldn’t be the life of the party, and he shouldn’t be the one always getting the laughs.[2][4][7]
    • Look for a guy who is shy and awkward at a party or in a public place, but who is open, friendly and chatty when he’s at home or with only his close friends.
    • Look for a guy who would prefer to stay home and be comfortable than go out on the town and participate in the nightlife.
  7. Watch for a guy who will do anything to set things right. The fictional Mr. Darcy messes up massively. Not only does his pride get in the way of his ability to socialize with certain people, but he completely and totally bombs his first attempt at a proposal to Lizzy. However, Mr. Darcy learns that he’s made these mistakes and realizes that his actions were not appropriate — and he makes up for it. A modern-day Mr. Darcy makes mistakes, but sets them right. He admits when he’s wrong and makes up for any wrongdoing.[2][8][3][4]
    • Look for a guy who is only a little stubborn, but not set in his ways.
    • Look for a guy who knows how to apologize and make amends.
  8. Give him a chance if he knows how to love a woman. The fictional Mr. Darcy knows that he loves Lizzy, he just has a really hard time understanding it and explaining it to her. He has such a hard time that he screws up at first. But he realizes quickly that he’d do anything for Lizzy, and for love. A modern-day Mr. Darcy needs to understand that love trumps all and can overcome differences in opinion. He has to be willing to work to make the love work. And he needs to be willing to go out of his way to prove his love (for you).[5]

Tips

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pride_and_Prejudice
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6 2.7 http://www.shmoop.com/pride-and-prejudice/fitzwilliam-darcy.html
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 http://decider.com/2014/09/10/what-dudes-dont-get-about-mr-darcy/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 4.5 http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/books/573-the-darcy-effect/
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 5.3 5.4 5.5 http://www.stylist.co.uk/books/why-we-still-love-mr-darcy
  6. ↑ http://metro.co.uk/2015/05/22/pride-and-prejudice-is-20-heres-10-reasons-why-mortal-men-will-never-match-up-to-colin-firths-mr-darcy-5209867/
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://www.theguardian.com/film/2004/sep/29/books.gender
  8. ↑ http://www.buzzfeed.com/jenniferschaffer/darcy-dating-lessons#.grqz0AVeVA
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