Benefit From a Breakup
You may think your life is over after you've suffered a bad breakup. There is no real cure to fix the heartbreak, except time. But how can you learn from the mistakes that you and your partner made in a past relationship, and how can you be more prepared for your next? Read on to find out!
Contents
Steps
- Write down all the pros and cons of your relationship. Did you have great movie dates together? Did your boyfriend/girlfriend never let you watch a certain type of movie or play a certain video game? Were they flirting with other men/women behind your back? What did you love about being in a relationship? What did you not love so much? These are all things you need to write down.
- Re-think every fight you and your ex had. Think about what caused the arguments you had. Did you pick fights needlessly? Did s/he? Did you do things you knew might make your partner angry? Were you courteous and considerate to your partner? Respectful? Did you feel respected? It's very important to analyze the sorts of problems you had. Pay particular attention to recurring arguments - did you fight about the amount of time s/he spent with pals, versus the amount of time you spent together? Did you feel like you always had to give in and do what s/he wanted - or were you the one who always got your way?
- Consider ways you might have made positive changes. You knew this person well - were there things you might have done to help make things better? If there were, remember this: you cannot change someone else, but you can change your own behaviors. If making a few changes will not compromise your integrity or individuality to an onerous degree, make some changes next time around.
- Be objective in your analysis. When you look back on the relationship, it may be that you realize you were mismatched from the start - if you had only known then what you know today. Still, it's valuable to look back and know that even though this relationship was probably doomed from very early on, you can move on having learned to be on the lookout for the things that caused this breakup, and avoid them in the future.
- Accept that certain relationships would never be satisfying in the long run. Lots of people seem to feel that they should keep on trying, even though they began having problems very early on. Let's face it - if you've only been dating for 3 months, and you're already bickering often, things aren't likely to improve. Why waste a year or more, trying to "make it work"? Why not just accept that the reason we date someone is to find out if we're well-matched. When you can see that it's probably a bad match, why prolong the agony, wasting both of your time? Now that you have this relationship experience and breakup under your belt, you should be better prepared to make key decisions earlier on - if you have to bend too far to accommodate someone often - that's not a match. Bending once in a while is fine, but all the time means your interests are too far apart.
- Feel the freedom! Now that you're single again, you can finally do whatever you want, whenever you want! You don't have to worry about dates, anniversaries, or missing birthdays. This may just be the breathing room that you've been craving.
- Get your flirt on! Go out and meet some new people. Hit a local club, party, bar or that new restaurant you've been dying to try with your friends. Just don't miss out on the fun life has to offer because you're moping about your ex.
- Don't jump right into the next relationship. Give yourself a little time to re-orient and let your own personality re-assert itself. A lot of times, we do a load of suppressing our own likes and dislikes for the sake of that new squeeze. After the breakup, there's no need to pretend you're into the Three Stooges any more if you really still don't get them. Take some time to breathe in your own space before you get involved again.
Tips
- Realize that every relationship is a learning experience, and that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
- Think about the qualities your ex was missing, like a sense of humor or a romantic side, maybe, and look for those when meeting new, potential boyfriends/girlfriends!
- If you got dumped, it can be hard to start over, especially if your ex cheated on you. It can make you question even the tiniest decisions you make. Take your time and wait to date until you feel strong again.
- If you're not ready to start dating again, that's okay. Just hang out with friends and enjoy life. You'll always have time for dating, but the most important thing is that you walk out of every relationship with an optimistic view.
Warnings
- Once you've made the break, don't go back. At least not easily. Remember the reasons why you broke up - did he cheat? There's a high probability he'll cheat again. Did she lie to you? Again - the recidivism rate is staggering. If you left (or s/he did) for a specific reason, make sure that reason is no longer relevant, and not just because "I love him/her so much."
- Think. Once you quit smoking, go through all the pain of withdrawal, and get over the need for it, why would you go back and start all over again? It's the same thing.
