Move on from a Lost Relationship or a Crush Gone Wrong
Maybe you two shared a fairy-tale relationship and you found him cheating. Perhaps you two shared a good relationship but it had to end because she was moving away. Maybe the guy you thought would brighten up your world didn't want you, or the mysterious girl in your gym class giving you sideline looks gave you the wrong idea and you got rejected. For whatever reason, you're on here because you lost someone. As you're reading this, you have one person on your mind. This person is in your mind when you know he/she shouldn't be, and you feel out of place and sad. Hopefully, reading this article will change your perspective on the lost relationship or your crush gone wrong and make you stronger for the rough couple days ahead.
Contents
Steps
- Understand that you are not alone. Although recovering from breakups and rejections may be an extremely painful process, realize that thousands of people have gone through the same situation as you. You are not alone in this feeling. However, realize that you will move on and become a strong person because of this.
- Take time to heal. Understand that you have recently been hurt, and you cannot expect yourself to let go right away. Give yourself a few days to remember, think, wonder, and cry. In order to have a successful recovery, it is important to allow yourself to go through the grieving process. Releasing your tears and emotions helps the pain. Confide in a trusted person, and allow yourself to enjoy indulgences. Good food, movies, music, friends and art/hobbies are excellent ways to outlet your pain. Before you start moving on, it's important for the person to reflect on the situation and heal.
- Delete your past. Once you have fought through the first few days, it is time to remove your ex/ex-crush from your life. You may be overwhelmed with emotions, but it is important to wipe away the person who hurt you. No matter how you feel, toss away the photos and delete him/her from your social networking sites, as well as any text messages. Keep gifts from him/her in a box in case you find them useful at a later point in life. There is no point in holding onto a relationship that isn't meant to work out, so learn to release it by removing all triggers that may bring up old memories and hurt.
- Think through your past. Ponder over your lost relationship as many times as you need to within reason. Consider all the reasons causing the breakup, and mull over why the crush would never work. Even if it seems that there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed one another for a while, or at least enjoyed the thought of the person. However, although the circumstances seemed fine to you, the relationship would have eventually ended if it was not what your partner wanted for life. Understand that it was good that it ended sooner than later.
- Write all your feelings down. Release them a journal or write poems. Be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer. As your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it easier to discover valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship/crush is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.
- Become involved. Start focusing your life on other things. Start exercising, start painting, make a club. Just because something didn't happen or a relationship is lost, doesn't have to mean you are over or lost.
- Feel good about yourself. Figure out all the things that are good about you and your life. Count them as blessings. Sometimes, you need to love yourself to make yourself feel better. Don't pick yourself apart because you weren't his/her type, or you think the person broke up with you because you believe you're not as attractive as the other person they are dating now. Time to exercise, weight train, go to the spa, beautify yourself, because the loser was the one who lost you, not the other way around. Understand that you're the prize.
- Find an outlet. Maybe an outlet for you is music, or writing, or your friends. Whatever it may be, focus your life on this for a while. You just may discover a little bit more about yourself than you did before.
- Try something new. Try a new style, sport or free time activity.
- Keep your dignity. Many times, it's our own ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. A breakup, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core. Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.
- Meet someone new. And who knows? They might be the one you've been needing all along.
- Avoid feeling sorry for yourself too long. Otherwise your friends will start avoiding you and you'll feel even worse about yourself. You'll notice that your key mood will be depressed and it will be hard to get out of. You can't let this little mishap get you down that badly, because it's bound to happen again in your life, and you have to make sure you will accept it better next time. Instead of saying "My life sucks because....", try saying "My life is great because..." and it will make you realize all the blessings in your life verses the horrible things that have taken place in your life.
- Music. Music will help you relate to your problems and will help you get over them. Listening to your iPod/MP3 player for the first few months for many the time is key. Even if it's just calm music. Music soothes the mind, it has been proven.
Tips
- Remember this person missed out, not you. They don't realize what truly wonderful person they just gave up. You will prove to a wonderful person out there that you are a lot.
- Don't keep reminding yourself of that person. If you see him or her around try not to talk or make eye contact to them because it can hurt you more and remind you the pain. Just remember YOU are someone's future husband/wife, mother/daughter. YOU are someone's everything.
- There is an end to the pain. The problem with rejection is that it hurts and depending on the circumstances, it may take a while to get over. What you tell yourself is what you will believe, so tell yourself that no matter what, you are going to get through this and move on. It is always helpful to focus on the end of the hurt and pain rather than focusing on the pain itself. There is some truth to the old adage of dusting yourself off and getting back on the horse that threw you. Focusing on the rejection and the hurt only strengthens the pain.
- The phrase "Let's just be friends" usually never works out between ex-couples or ex-crushes, because there will always remain the awkwardness as long as you're friends. Plus it will even be harder for you to move on. You can't believe that being friends will be the best route, because it will only lead you into trouble. However, if you've been friends with this person before the relationship or crush, and you and this person are fine with being friends, then, be friends! Usually the best advice is to not be friends, because it will be an awkward friendship and there will always be that "What if?" in the friendship floating in your mind.
- Whatever you do, DO NOT call them. What are you hoping to accomplish? No, you won't get them back because they're not coming back. The bottom line is if they dumped you, they're not into you (at least not anymore). If the relationship didn't work out, it didn't work out for a reason. If they didn't like you, they're not interested. Sound familiar? The word on the street is true and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
- Every day, find something that will make you smile. Smiling helps, even at the worst time of your life. You are free to be whoever you want to be now, without thinking "will he/she mind if I do that?". Nothing is more important than you. Love yourself, love life, and when you wake up, SMILE! (Carole King's wonderful anthem "Beautiful" has the lines, "You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart. Then people going to treat you better, you're going to find -- yes you will -- that you're beautiful... as you feel." Sometimes it helps to play that song for yourself first thing every morning!)
- Remove them from your Facebook page to cease any reminders of them.
- Focus on things that you love, don't make yourself emo! Move on; it's not the end of your life, it's just an end of your relationship.
Warnings
- Be prepared for a pretty painful couple of days. For surviving them, read the first step again.
