Break up With a Girl

Are you in a relationship that is going south? Are you dreading the moment when you know you'll have to break up with your girlfriend? Breaking up is never easy, but neither is staying with someone you don't love anymore. Here are some quick and simple tips to help you break up with a girl. Just remember: be thoughtful and aware of what this girl is going through, and that will make a huge difference.

Steps

Breaking Up with a Girl

  1. Find a legitimate reason to break up with her. You need a reason to break up with her, even if your feelings have simply changed and she hasn't done something wrong. When you're in a relationship with someone, you owe it to them explain yourself. You'd want a reason if you were being broken up with, wouldn't you?
    • Here are some common reasons that people break up with one another:
      • Cheating. A relationship is between two people. Three's a crowd.
      • Disrespect. Your partner doesn't treat you the way you know you should be treated.
      • Manipulative relationship. Your partner manipulates you to get what she wants.
      • Falling out of love. You realize, after time, that you don't have feelings for her the way you used to in the beginning.
      • Distance. The physical distance between you two makes it hard for a relationship to happen.
      • 'Boredom 'When you are not just enjoying the time you spend with each other
  2. Find a quiet, isolated place free of distractions. Breaking up in person can be really hard, but again, you definitely owe it to her. Where you do it can be virtually anywhere — a room, a park, or a schoolyard, so long as there's not much to distract you while you break the news.
    • A quiet, public place might be good for two reasons. It's harder to fight in public places because you have everyone looking at you. The breakup will usually take less time if you do it in public.
    • Never break up over text or email. Try not to break up over the phone. These methods can reflect poorly on you, and your soon-to-be ex will probably let every girl know what you did.
  3. Start off blunt. It's not easy, but ripping the band-aid off quickly will be less painful for both parties than dragging your feet in the mud. If you can, go right out and say it:
    • Example: "I hate to do this because you've meant so much to me, but I think we should break up."
    • Example: "I'm really struggling with this right now, so I apologize if this doesn't come out in a good way, but I think we should call things quits."
    • Example: "Maybe this won't come as a huge surprise to you, but I think it's best if we called things off between us."
  4. Give her a truthful explanation. Tell it like it is. Draw on the reasons you came for why you want to break up, leaning on them. Give her a full explanation, but don't list every single part of the relationship that was bad or out of whack — it could cause her to become angry and combative.
    • Example: "I know it's not what you wanted to hear, and if I could change the way I feel, I would. The truth is, I don't know if we're really compatible. I don't get along with your friends, you don't get along with mine. You hate sports, I live for them. I tried to ignore our differences in the beginning, but I can't anymore. I honestly think you and I both would be happier with someone else."
  5. Take responsibility for your mistakes, if possible. If your girlfriend cheated on you, manipulated you, or disrespected you, there may not be anything you need to take responsibility or apologize for. On the other hand, relationships are usually two-way streets: her actions are affected by your actions, which means you might bear some responsibility for what went wrong in the relationship. Own up to it if you feel you should:
    • Example: "I know I deserve some of the blame. I shouldn't have let you disrespect me or my friends; I could have told you it bothered me, and maybe you would have changed. But it's become such a problem now that I don't think we can change it anymore."
    • Example: "Part of it is my fault. I pushed you away when you really needed someone, and I guess you could say that I pushed you right into his arms. I understand why you did it, but I can't forgive you right now. Hopefully sometime in the future I'll be able to."
  6. Be calm and reassuring. Breakup speeches can escalate or go wrong in so many different ways. The key is to stay calm, put yourself in the other person's shoes, and try not to "win" the argument. She'll probably counter with some other facts; she may even call you names. (You probably would, too, right?) Think about what she has to say, don't lose your temper, and try your best not to make her feel bad.
    • If you're genuinely sad that you're breaking up, and you think it might comfort her, show some gentle affection. Ask her if you can give her a hug; put an arm on her shoulder; look into her eyes and offer her a heartfelt smile. These gestures can go a long way toward reassuring her in a tough time.
  7. Talk to her, but keep the conversation short. She might have questions; answer them truthfully. She might have a different side of the story she wants to tell; listen to her. Let her get things off her chest.
    • If you notice the argument going in circles and circles, tell her gently: "I know this is hard, but I feel we're just going around in circles. Can I give you some time to think about it?"
    • Offer her the opportunity to discuss things at a later time. Say something like: "I know this is a lot to process at once. It is for me, too. Maybe you want to talk about it a bit later when emotions aren't going everywhere at once?"
  8. Follow the list of "don'ts." There probably isn't a breakup "protocol," but there are definitely things that you shouldn't do when breaking up with anyone, no matter who they are to you. They include:
    • Don't lead her on. If you don't think it's a good idea to stay friends after a breakup, say so. It's better than giving her false hope.
    • Don't be a tattletale. There's a saying "loose lips sink ships." Well, it's not that serious, but what happens between you and her is no one else's business. It's okay to tell your good friends, but don't go telling everyone every single detail of the breakup.
    • Don't get with someone else before you break up. That's what is called cheating. Have a little bit of patience and wait until you've broken up if you're in love with someone else.
    • Don't use the breakup as an excuse to treat them badly. Whatever they might have done to you, it's honestly not worth it trying to make their life hell. Have respect and treat them the way that you'd want to be treated. It'll make the breakup easier on both of you.

Additional Help

Doc:Breakups,Negative Reactions to a Breakup,Ways to Get Over a Breakup

Tips

  • None of the aforementioned reasons for breaking up should include "You're too ugly," or "I found some one prettier," or "I found some one nicer." You must look for a reason that is not too shallow, and one that would, in a way, justify the break up.
  • Don't get your friend or hers to break up with her for you. This will not only hurt her, it will make her very angry and likely slap you the next chance she gets.
  • Don't avoid her after the break up. This will make her think you are scared to face her and had a secret that you don't want her to know.
  • Make sure that you break up with the girl in person. Breaking up with a girl online or using a telephone can send a message that you are scared, and the girl may not get what you mean when you say: "We should see other people" on the phone or on Facebook. The girl will understand more if you tell her in person and you might be able to remain friends.

Warnings

  • Be aware if you feel bad whenever you see your ex-to-be in the arms of another man. This may mean you are not fully inclined in breaking up with her and you were motivated by wrong impulses.

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