Deal With Asking out and Being Rejected by a Girl

Feelings of romantic rejection can be painful and embarrassing, but they shouldn't cripple an otherwise healthy love life — being rejected occasionally is bound to happen, no matter how cool or good-looking you are. With these simple steps, you can work through a romantic rejection and get back into the dating game in no time.

Steps

Preparing to Ask a Girl Out

  1. Know that rejection is a common reality. If you want to get dates, you'll need to ask girls out. If you ask girls out, you'll eventually be rejected. It's a simple fact - rejection is a near-unavoidable part of the dating process[1].
  2. Temper your expectations. Remember that you aren't entitled to a "yes" response. You are, however, entitled to politeness and civility, provided you extend your crush the same entitlements.
  3. Avoid infatuation. No one is perfect, but it's hard to remember this if you have suffer from infatuation (commonly called "puppy love.") Constructing an ideal version of someone before you know them well is a sure-fire path to disappointment. If you're rejected, it will be crushing, and if you get the date, she won't live up to your impossible expectations. Remember that everyone, no matter how attractive, has faults. This will make it easier to work up the courage to ask her out and it will make a potential rejection much less painful.
  4. Remember that your crush is a human being. If a girl asked you out and you rejected her, would it be an indication that you hated her? Probably not. Like men, women have complex emotions. A rejection might not be an indication that she doesn't like you - it might simply be an indication that she was having a bad day. Always remember that the object of your affections is a living, breathing, feeling human like you.
  5. Leave yourself other social options. Maintain your friendships. Rejections are easier to deal with if you have friends to fall back on[2]. If you're single, it's also perfectly acceptable to harbor more than one crush at once. This way, if one girl rejects you, you'll still be able to pursue others.

Asking Her Out

  1. Try not to procrastinate. It can be tempting to wait for the perfect moment to ask someone out, but waiting too long can cause problems. It can send the wrong message - that you're not interested. It can also lead you to become anxious or invest undue emotional weight in the crush's response, which can make a rejection more painful. Try to think of the event casually - it will make it easier to ask her promptly and you can avoid adding extra impact to a potential rejection.
  2. Be crystal clear. Why endure the stress of asking someone out if you run the risk of being misunderstood? Make sure your crush knows you're asking her out as a romantic interest and not as a friend - doing so will ensure an honest response. If you are rejected, she will explain herself, which will provide valuable insight. See our wikiHow for tips on asking a girl out.
  3. Don't question her response. Respect your crush's decision. If she says yes, don't tempt her to reconsider by saying "really?" If she says no, don't paint yourself as desperate by saying "are you sure?" Her decision is final for the time being. By calmly accepting it, you maintain respect for her and earn closure for yourself.
  4. Listen to what she says. If she says no, you can stand to learn something about her (or yourself.) The conversation following a rejection can be surprisingly frank and illuminating, so listen carefully for a chance to learn how to achieve future dating goals[3]. Knowing the reason for a rejection can make coping much easier, especially if the reason is superficial or has nothing to do with you. Here are a few reasons for rejection that have nothing to do with the man asking the girl out:
    • She is too busy to date.
    • She is working through personal and/or emotional issues.
    • She already has a significant other.
    • She enjoys being single.

Moving on After You've Been Rejected

  1. Realize that rejection is not a personal indictment. In most cases, rejection isn't a judgement of your character. If a girl decides she doesn't want to date you, it doesn't mean she dislikes you or even finds you unattractive. Every instance of rejection is different, but the common thread is that "you" are not rejected. Rather, your request to date is[3].
  2. Accept lingering awkwardness. If your crush is someone you see regularly, it's normal (but not inevitable) to experience residual awkwardness after a rejection. With time, nerves can cool and normal friendship can resume. Awkwardness can take the form of:
    • Silences
    • Avoidance
    • Irritation
    • Unnatural, overly-friendly behavior
  3. Occupy yourself with other people. A rejection can be a blessing in disguise if it motivates you to find happiness in other people's company. Take the opportunity to pursue social avenues you normally wouldn't. Spend quality time with friends. Ask a different crush out. Go on a blind date. Positive interactions with other people are scientifically proven to raise our happiness[4], so seek them out.
  4. Focus on your personal aspirations. After heartbreak, it can be rewarding to devote time to improving yourself and pursuing your interests[5]. Over time, you will become more attractive and naturally meet people who like the same things as you.
  5. Consider trying again - in due time. One rejection doesn't necessarily mean dating someone is impossible in the future. Before asking again, however, it's best to consider your options. Allow time for circumstances to change before asking again.

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Sources and Citations

  1. Jump up ↑ http://christiehartman.com/why-rejection-can-be-a-good-thing/
  2. Jump up ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/handlingrejection
  3. ↑ Jump up to: 3.0 3.1 http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201107/dealing-rejection-part-1-handling-others-rejecting-behavior
  4. Jump up ↑ http://www.dumblittleman.com/2013/01/7-effective-ways-to-deal-with-rejection.html
  5. Jump up ↑ http://www.xojane.com/issues/how-i-crawled-out-of-post-break-up-depression-by-dating-myself
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