Come Out to Your Parents by Email or Letter
Do you feel you want to come out to your parents but are afraid of freezing up when you go to actually tell them? Read this article for some tips. This might be surprisingly easy. All you need is either a word program on your computer OR you can write a letter or e-mail, whatever suits you.
Contents
Steps
- Consider giving them small hints that you aren't straight. Like for example, if you are a lesbian, talk about the l word, or how you won't be needing birth control. That will really get them thinking! Or wear rainbow jewelry. Just start giving them hints before going on to the next steps.
- Start with an introduction.
- Here is an example: I would really appreciate it if while you are reading, you do not talk to me. I don't want you to get distracted, because I know it happens sometimes, but this is very important and I hope you give it your undivided attention."
- Start with the main idea. Remember to prepare them—this is big news.
- Here's an example of a main idea: hi (who ever is gonna read it), It seems that I don't feel I can talk to you right now. You've been seeming really (their mood) lately, and neither of you have been listening to me when I say that I've needed to talk to you guys. As it turns out, I cannot wait any longer, so please hold judgment until I have finished, and PAY ATTENTION when I say that I have more for you to read. Anyway, remember last year when I said I was bisexual? Well, I was lying. It was a cover... so that you wouldn't think I was weird. But I am a year older now, and my feelings haven't changed, so I think it's safe to let you know that I'm gay; or a lesbian, whatever you wish to use. And in case you might have forgotten what that means, it means that I am not attracted to guys. I like girls. So all of those times I said to you "You don't have to worry about me getting pregnant" or something along the lines of "I swear, he's just a friend!" Now you know why I said that. I knew I was different since I was about ten years old, and when I was in grade five I realized that it was called "Gay" Or being "Lesbian".
- Give them a minute! Don't worry if they stop reading for a moment. If this happens, encourage them to read again. Now that you have their attention, give them a quarter conclusion.
- Example: Please do not think that this is a phase. Most gay and lesbian people are around the same age I was when they found out. They were also around my age when they came out. This can't be cured, since it isn't wrong anyway, so please do your best to accept me. And you can also tell family if you wish, I don't mind. It would actually take the awkwardness out of future situations. I just don't want to live a lie anymore, I'm tired of hiding it. "Being in the closet" can get stressful, and in most cases, ends in the person killing themselves, and that's not a path I want to go on." Writing something like this will show them that you took the time to think about telling them and that you are trying to be responsible.
- Write is a conclusion, or an ending.
- Example: Now, I was reluctant to tell you because I know people who have gotten kicked out of their homes or their college fund taken away because of their coming out (that's what it's called, when you tell people.) Did you know that teens who haven't come out are more likely to commit suicide? It's shown in a lot of studies.
- Finish the letter.
- "You don't realize the time I have spent debating whether or not to tell you guys. And after I get you to read what I have printed off, I will gladly answer any questions you may have."
- Answer any questions that they may have. If you think it's good for them, look up some sites for parents of gay teens. They will appreciate the information, and it will show your maturity as a bonus!
Tips
- Have a place to go in case your parents want to kick you out. Pack a bag with a few days of clothes and any toiletries, food, water, and money you may need. It is wise to invest in a bus card or an app such as Uber. Have a designated friend or family member's house to run to and make sure it is okay with them and their parents. Remember, your safety is your number one priority.
Warnings
- Don't be offended if they ask if you are "rebelling" or are "kidding", if they ask this that means that they honestly thought that you were straight, so just answer them! They are asking innocent questions.
- Don't get mad if they don't immediately accept it. They may just be in denial and should come about soon.
- If you think your parents will not accept you and will kick you out and/or hurt you, avoid coming out. It is better to be safe than sorry, even in a situation like this when you are unsure.
