Deal With Catching Your Parents Having Sex

It happens to most people at some point: You wake up late at night to strange noises until you realize--it's your parents having sex! Or, you come home earlier than they'd expect you and you walk in on your parents' "private time." You certainly have never seen your parents like this before, and neither did you want to witness them in this state. You can't un-hear, you can't un-see, but you can deal with the situation and move on.

Steps

Dealing with Walking in on Them

  1. Check if they noticed you. In this scenario, you are the intruder. Whether you came home too early, or you didn't knock, knocked and walked right in- you are the one "disturbing."
    • Stay calm and take a deep breath. [1]
    • Figure out your exit strategy- how far is the door, and how silent can you get to it?
    • Make a quiet exit. If they haven't noticed you, because they are so-ahem- engaged in action, get out as quiet and as fast as you can.
    • Never, ever mention what you saw or did, and move on with your life.
  2. Apologize and exit. If they've noticed you, the imperative is still to remove yourself physically from the situation as soon as possible.
    • Say "I am sorry" and be out of there.
    • Act normal the next time you see your parents- and block any attempt of theirs to talk about what you've seen with a friendly "It's none of my business" or "That was your private time."
    • Don't ever bring up the incident- they'll be grateful.
  3. Make light of the situation. This depends on the relationship you have with your parents and might not work for everybody.
    • Smile, and say "Hey, at least it's not the plumber, Mom" or something along these lines.
    • Be prepared to have something thrown at you, and leave the room.
    • Don't mention the incident ever again.
  4. Give a lame excuse. This is also only an option if for whatever reason you cannot immediately remove yourself from the situation.
    • Tell them you were looking for socks, wanted to ask them for cash etc.
    • Do not show any emotions or feelings.
    • Take whatever reaction you get- they may just shout "out"- you leave.
    • Keep quiet about the incident and focus on your own life. There are plenty of other things to worry about that your parents' sexuality.

Coping with "The Noise"

  1. Avoid the sounds. This is a short term, immediate solution. If the problem persists, think about how to avoid it in the long run.
    • Use earplugs [2] and headphones [3] to drown out the sounds.
    • Soundproof your room. This is a long term solution, but it doesn't always have to be expensive.
    • Move your furniture- it does make a difference whether your bed is right next to their bedroom wall, or across the room. If possible, put a bookshelf to the shared wall.
    • Listen to your own music- whales songs are very effective, as the sonar sounds drown out a lot of moans and sighs. Alternatively, didgeridoo or vuvuzela sounds also drown out most other sounds.
    • Buy a white noise machine.These devices produce different kind of noises, and are designed to drown out other sounds to protect privacy- your parents' and yours. [4]
  2. Give them a polite hint. They may not even be aware that they can be heard. You giving them a subtle hint will make them aware and prevent further "noise disturbances."
    • Send them a text message. Be subtle in approach and vague. For example, just type the word "Noise." They will not read the message until later, but they might take more precaution the next time (because chances are, there will be a next time).
    • Print out an advice column on "how to deal with overhearing your parents having sex" and slide it under their door. Again, they will find it later, but it will make them aware of the situation.
    • Don't mention the incident afterwards. Pretend that nothing happened, and put it behind you.
  3. Give them rather direct hints. If they don't understand the polite hints you've been giving them, try a more straightforward approach.
    • Walk past their room shouting "you're not alone in this house"- the reversal of roles in the admonishment that most of us received as children puts a humorous spin on the situation and hopefully relaxes it.
    • Play songs that tell them that you can hear them at full volume, such as "Let's talk about sex" by Salt N' Pepa,[5] or the Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch."[6]
    • Bang on the wall, preferably with a broom or a stick. This is maybe not the most subtle method, but they'll get the drift.
  4. Ask whether you could move into a different room. This is a long term solution, but it depends on whether there are other rooms free in the house and other practicalities.
    • Pick the basement, attic or any room as far as possible removed from their room.
    • Smile and tell them, "we're all grown up now, and everybody deserves privacy." Not only is this an indirect way to tell them what you've heard, it also protects your privacy in the future- if you can hear them, that means that they can hear you and your new girlfriend/boyfriend.
  5. Talk to them. Only resort to this if there is truly no other option- you can't move rooms, they haven't understood the hints you gave them, and you truly see no other option.
    • Prepare for awkward silences- nobody wants to be confronted by their own child about their sex life.
    • Be calm, mature and friendly.
    • Tell them calmly, that some of their private activities are not so private thanks to noises and that you'd prefer not to be a witness.
    • Change the subject immediately, and even leave the room- really, there is nothing to "discuss", and your parents will be eternally grateful to offer them an "out."

Tips

  • Remember, they are more embarrassed by the situation than you are.
  • Keep in mind that your parents' having sex is how you came to be here.
  • Don't tell anybody what you saw. Certain things should be kept in the family.
  • Be grateful that your parents are having sex- it is the sign of a healthy relationship.[7][8]
  • Go to bed earlier than them and then you don't have to face it.
  • If you don't have headphones, drown the noise out with a pillow.

Warnings

  • Don't linger, or hang out, leave immediately.
  • Don't take pictures or try to "blackmail" them- this could damage your relationship indefinitely.
  • Don't scream or act otherwise immaturely. Studies have shown that contrary to your initial reaction, children who have witnessed their parents having sex are not damaged for life.
  • Don't bang on the wall too hard- you may end up with a hole in the wall or worse, hurting yourself.
  • Don't play the music too loud. Your parents should realize that you can hear them, but must the whole neighborhood know?
  • Don't play music full of obscene language- your parents still deserve respect.
  • Don't act as if your parents did something wrong. You're in the wrong here- after all, they told you to knock before entering a room.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-deep-breathing/0003203
  2. ↑ http://www.consumersearch.com/earplugs/best-earplugs
  3. ↑ http://www.cnet.com/topics/headphones/best-headphones/
  4. ↑ http://www.popsci.com/article/science/fyi-why-does-white-noise-help-people-sleep
  5. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydrtF45-y-g
  6. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k
  7. ↑ http://www.gurl.com/2013/08/05/i-walked-in-on-my-parents-having-sex/
  8. ↑ http://www.mtv.com/news/2000312/catch-parents-having-sex/
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