Deal With Parents That Show Favouritism
So, your brother or sister gets all of the attention, huh? They always get everything they ask for, when you hardly ever do. Having parents who show favoritism can be rough, especially when you're not the focus of it.
Contents
Steps
- Consider whether it really is favoritism by looking at all sides of the issue. Your parents may relate differently to your sibling, and and act differently around them, but not favor them. They may not realize that they make you feel as though they favor your sibling.
- Make a list with examples of how they show it and how it makes you feel. This can be a mental list or a real list, which you will use later to speak to your parents. Try to come up with specific examples to back up what you're saying.
- Approach your parents when both of you are in good, calm moods. Ask if you can speak with them about something important, and make sure your tone is non-accusatory.
- Have-a-Heart-to-Heart-Talk-with-Your-Parents, using examples to back yourself up. Remember not to get angry, or use the examples as accusations. Once you get angry, they may clam up and stop listening. You want this to be a discussion where you both can share your sides of the story, not an argument about what they're doing wrong.
- End the discussion if the tone becomes angry. Some parents don't want to listen, and will become angry if you explain that you feel they are playing favorites. If they don't listen and get angry, or if you feel yourself angry, prevent the discussion from becoming an argument.
- Don't blame yourself or your siblings. Jealousy can make it hard to avoid blaming your siblings, and anger can make it had for you to avoid blaming yourself. However, blame does not fix this problem, and tends to make you focus too much on anger you may feel.
- Work for yourself, not your parents. Avoid seeking their approval for everything, and have pride in yourself. This will help you see that not being the "favorite" does not mean you are not as good.
- Begin a private journal to vent in. Sometimes, the anger will get to you, and you will need to vent. Don't worry, just get your feelings out so you can allow yourself to move on from them.
- Become-Independent. It can be tough to deal with parents that shower your sibling in gifts and money, yet give you a hard time when you ask for something. If you're old enough, look for a job to earn things for yourself. Spend more time outside of your home in a more accepting and supportive environment.
Tips
- If you have a discussion with your parents and they do try to improve, remember to let them know how they're doing. If you feel they're showing favoritism, ask them in private why they acted that way. Explain your side and make sure you listen to theirs as well.
- Try to be nice and tell them how you feel.
- Try discussing the issue with your siblings, since they may be able to help. Sometimes both feel like the other is the favorite, and discussing it allows them to see that they're both loved. If your sibling does notice it and is willing to help, you could ask that they discuss the issue with your parents or ask if they could help you arrange a family discussion. Remember, this is a discussion, not an argument, so avoid acting confrontational.
- Having parents who show favoritism does not mean your siblings are better than you. Try not to let this affect Develop-Self-Esteem.
- If you have another sibling who feels this way, have them help explain the favoritism your parents are expressing.
Warnings
- If you start a diary, your parents or siblings may find it. Be careful what you write in there if you fear it may be discovered.
If your parents abuse you call the children's help line and they can make a big difference
- Some parents will refuse to discuss topics that revolve around how they are parenting, insisting that they are right. However, they may pleasantly surprise you, and actually consider what you're saying. So, it doesn't hurt to try to explain how you feel.
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