Deal With a Domineering Mother
Controlling, overbearing, opinionated mothers are hard to get along with and sometimes you can't wait until the day she is out of your life. There are ways to cope with her. You can get along, even after you are old enough to move away.
Steps
- Be understanding of your mother. If she seems domineering it may be because she feels that everything in her life, including you, has to be perfect. The only way for her to ensure perfection is by being in control of everything.
- Find her "soft-side" if you can. Most domineering moms hide behind a "headmistress" mask to make themselves feel more confident and in control. Maybe you don't see this side often, but it can come out when you simply agree with her decisions, give her a hug, or turn away from an argument you would normal jump on. The more you can bring out her soft-side, the more you will get along with her.
- Remember that while domineering mothers may appear to be restrictive, a nag, and controlling, they are really just concerned for you. You are her child and it is hard to see you grow up; she wants everything to be perfect in your life and to keep you safe. As you get older it's harder for her to let you have more freedom than other mothers.
- Empathize and know that she may have had a rough past/childhood. This could explain why she is a “power mom”, as she doesn’t want her children to go through the same things she did.
- Be patient with her and try to talk things over instead of getting angry. Sometimes, setting your mother down and explaining to her that you are feeling suffocated because she does "this" can make a whole lot of difference. Other times, remain quiet, knowing that it's not worth a fight and the problems will pass.
- Voice your opinion when something is really important to you. Don't act rebellious and fight with your mom. Show your mom that you are a soft-hearted person and you want to settle the issues amicably without offending her.
- Walk away when you have reached the height of your tolerance. Take some time to evaluate the situation and what you can do differently next time and remember the good things she has done for you.
- Don't compare your mother to your friend's mothers and pity yourself for having what you perceive to be an awful mom. Every person and family is different and you don't know what they are really like "behind closed doors."
- Resist the temptation to tell your friends how terrible it is to live with a person like your mom. They may not understand because your mom presents herself differently to your friends and they may support your mom instead of you. If you feel you must share, do it with a friend who will not judge you or tell others; or ask your mom to take you to a counsellor who can listen and help you work out your problems.
- Develop a spirit of kindness. Be careful not to develop a spirit of hatred towards your mom. It is easy to well up anger within you & it may accumulate over a period of time during which you may as well torture/curse your mom in your minds eye.
- Set boundaries and take control of your life when you become an adult. Make sure your mom understands that you will be planning your occupation, picking your spouse, and raising your family in your way. Let her know you value her opinion and advice but you may not choose to do everything the way she wants you to.
- Let her criticism, negative opinions and insults roll off you like water off a duck. Your domineering mother will try to keep track of you, criticizing your friends, choices, and lifestyle if you let her, and nagging you for things she perceives as inappropriate. She will also find fault with you wherever she can and have a hard time appreciating change. Try not be offended, disheartened, or disappointed, it's just the way she is.
- Accept that you cannot change her character, but only try to help her see her flaws so she can take charge and change them. She has to first see and believe that change is needed and possible before it can happen; but it is not a good idea to force your opinions on her or force her into a conversation. Hang in there, being a positive influence in her life through word and action as best you can.
Tips
- Write her a letter from your heart about how you feel and how her actions are affecting you. Write it in a loving manner, and don't forget to write in there how much you love and appreciate her.
Related Articles
- Deal With a Domineering Mother
- Cope With Being a Teenage Mother
