Deal With a Lazy Teenager
The transition from being a youngster to being a teenager can be a tricky one for your child. Your teen is likely dealing with raging hormones, rising responsibilities, and navigating the social dynamics of high school. But this does not mean your teen should lounge around the house, fail to get her chores done, and miss deadlines for school assignments. Laziness in most teens can be adjusted by creating solid rules for your teen and sticking to them, motivating your teen to get chores and other commitments done, and talking to your teen about any issues or problems she may be having at school or at home.
Contents
Steps
Communicating with Your Teen
- Listen and be patient with your teen. Avoid putting words in her mouth or interrupting her when she speaks. Encourage her to talk by asking casual questions about her day, or how a test went at school. Note her responses and allow her to share her thoughts.
- Have a two way conversation. Showing your teen you care about her thoughts and opinions during a conversation will give her more confidence to be open and honest with you. Allow her to ask questions and let her think for herself.
- An example conversation starter might be: "How are things at school?" "How did practice go?" "Was the party fun on Saturday?"
- Let your teen know you care about what's going on in their lives and you are there to listen. "You know you can always talk to me if you're having trouble at school or you are feeling distracted." "I'm here to listen if you ever need to talk." "Remember, you can talk and I'll just listen."
- Ask your teen about her sleep schedule. Most teenagers may appear lazy or distracted, when in fact, they are often sleep deprived. Unlike adults, adolescents are actually biologically prone to sleeping in later and waking up in the mid morning, rather than in the early morning. So when your teen is forced out of bed at 7 or 8 am to go to school and learn, her natural sleep cycles is thrown off and she will likely appear lazy, disoriented, and unmotivated, all symptoms of lack of sleep. This is why it is so important that your teen goes to bed at a decent time to ensure she gets eight full hours of sleep a night. This will help to prevent appearing lazy, and ensure she has enough energy for the day.
- Discuss your teen's sleep patterns and her typical bed time. A consistent bed time every night, even on weekends, will help to set her natural sleep cycle and allow her body to get enough rest. For example, if she has to wake up at 7 am five days a week for school, she should be going to bed no later than 10:30 pm to ensure she gets a full eight hour sleep. She should then try to stick to this bedtime on weekends so she doesn't throw off her natural sleep cycle.
- Explain the value of following through on commitments and responsibilities. Many teenagers drag their heels when asked to do chores or tasks because they don't see the value in doing these things. They may think, so what if I forget to take out the trash, or to clean my room? What does it matter? As a parent, its important for you explain that in fact you do not always want to do certain chores or tasks and would rather be doing other things with your time. But completing household chores and other life tasks is part of being a responsible member of the family.
- Note that importance of teamwork and cooperation between everyone in the household to ensure chores and tasks are done equally in the home. Explaining to your teen that you often don't enjoy doing household duties, but you do them anyway for the good of everyone will help your teen understand the reasoning behind completing a chore or task. This will then motivate her to do her part as a member of the family.
- Check if there are other issues at home or at school. Laziness can sometimes be a symptom of other issues, like a lack of sleep, depression, stress, or other internal struggles. If your teen seems to be more sluggish or lazy than usual and is displaying other signs of depression or anxiety, sit down with your teen and talk with her.
- If you are worried about your teen’s depression or anxiety, consider talking to a medical professional, your family doctor, or a counselor about next steps.
Setting Ground Rules For Your Teen
- Make a chore schedule. Assigning chores to your teen will teach her responsibility and help her practice following through on commitments. Chores will also force your teen to get off the couch and get things done. Create a schedule that breaks down the duties around the house by day and assign each task to your teen and/or others in the home, including:
- Cleaning her bedroom
- Cleaning the bathroom
- Doing laundry
- Dusting and cleaning the common areas
- Sweeping or mopping the floors
- Limit your teen’s video game and computer use. Most teens are easily distracted and reduced to lethargy by their computer, their smartphone, or the latest video game. Rather than cut off your teen completely, which could lead to fighting or a conflict, place specific time limits on these distractions, such as no smart phones at the dinner table during dinner or no video gaming after 10 pm. This will allow your teen to focus her time and energy on her school assignments or her chores. It will also ensure she is not up all night on the computer and can be well rested for a productive day.
- When setting limits for your teen, it’s important that you also set a good example by also following the same rules. Don’t bring your phone to the table during dinner if your teen is not allowed to have her phone with her during dinner, and try to also limit your watching television or gaming to no later than 10 pm. This will show your teen you can also abide by the same rules you have established for her.
- Follow through on consequences for negative behavior. If your teen argues against doing her chores or does not follow any of your limitations, be firm and clear about the consequences. This can range from less severe punishments like no going out for the night to more severe punishments like a reduction on her allowance, no television or computer use for a week, or grounding her for a period of time.
- As the adult in the relationship, you must enforce the rules that you set and dole out consequences for disobeying the rules. Your teen may get upset or angry, but she will understand the consequences of her actions and likely think twice about disobeying a rule or neglecting a chore again.
- Try not to over react and give your teen the most severe punishment for small arguments or conflicts. Match the scale of the your teen’s wrongdoing with the level of punishment she will receive.
- Don’t lose your temper or take negative comments to heart. Your teen will likely resist your initial attempts to set rules and assign chores, so be prepared for some arguing and talking back. Avoid losing your temper and screaming at your teen. Instead, focus on responding calmly and being positive about the situation. Your teen is more likely to respond to a controlled parent than an angry one.
- Rather than take away her phone or computer when she doesn’t listen to you, another option is to simply ask her to do a task and then stand there and watch her until she puts down the distraction and completes the task. Your teen may see you are unreasonable or annoying, but she will soon realize you will not stop watching her until she stops being lazy. This type of motivation will work better than nagging or yelling at your teen.
Motivating Your Teen
- Analyze how your teen spends her time. Observe how your teen seems to be acting lazy or wasting time. Does she spend all day on her computer? Does she opt to read a book instead of do her chores? Maybe she spends most of her time on her phone, talking to friends, and neglecting her chores or responsibilities. Before you can provide adequate motivation for your teen, you need to determine how she is being lazy. This will help you understand her current way of thinking and spot any patterns of laziness.
- Use a reward system. Once you observe your teen’s lazy behavior, you can use these patterns of laziness to create a custom reward system. For example, your teen may like to spend a lot of time texting on her phone. You can then tell her before she can text on her phone, she has to complete her chores for the day. She will then see texting on her phone as a privilege and part of her reward for doing her chores. Or, if your teen tends to spend a lot of time in front of her computer, limit her computer use until she has set the table for dinner or cleaned her room.
- Be specific about the tasks you use as rewards, as this will feel more immediate to your teen and motivate her to get things done. Tailor the rewards to the preferences of your teen, as she will feel the reward that much more if it something she is interested in.
- Hire your teen for household jobs. Most teens are looking to earn a little extra cash, especially if they do not receive an allowance from their parents. Provide opportunities for your teen to earn some side money by hiring her to complete special projects around the house or in the neighborhood. This will also help get your teen off the couch and on to doing something productive.
- You could hire your teen to paint a wall that needs a touch up, or to organize the garage or the basement. Give your teen a job outdoors, like pulling weeds or trimming the hedges, to get her outside and away from any distractions.
- Encourage your teen to try extracurricular activities or sports. Consider your teen’s skill set, such as a flare for drama, an interest in basketball, or a budding passion for computer science, and encourage her to participate in a school play, join the basketball team at school, or join a computer science club. This will get your teen to spend time on an activity she enjoys and motivate her to develop her talents and skills.
- Volunteer with your teen. Another way to set a good example is to spend time with your teen by volunteering together for a good cause. Think of an activity that you and your teen can do together that will allow you both to give back to the community and avoid laziness.
- This could be as simple as spending a few hours at the local soup kitchen, or spending a day as volunteers at a local festival. You could also both donate time to a charity drive or a food drive.
- Congratulate your teen for any accomplishments or achievements. Once your teen demonstrates her motivation by winning an award or accomplishing a high score on a test, compliment her. This will show you appreciate her hard work and value her productivity.
- Though you may want to give your teen a monetary reward like extra allowance or more time allowed on the computer, kind words of encouragement can be a reward in itself for a teenager.
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