Make Your Mom Let You Go Places
You really, really, really want to go somewhere, but your mom is the gatekeeper to your freedom. We've all been there. Fortunately, talking your mom into letting you go where you want isn't an impossible task: all it takes is patience, maturity, and some diplomatic convincing.
Contents
Steps
Laying the Groundwork with Your Mom
- Spend time with your mom. She really does care about you and would love to hear about what's going on in your life. Spending time with you will help her understand you better and trust you more. This will be important for when you ask her to go places.
- Try talking to her about school, your friends, what you're feeling, etc.
- Ask her to go to the mall, the movies, for a walk, etc.
- Work hard at school. As a teenager, your main responsibility is performing well in school, so if you're not already doing this, you've already given your mom a trump card to deny your requests. Hit the books to show her that you take your school work seriously.
- If you get a good grade, be sure to show her!
- If you're not doing well in school, show her how hard you're trying by doing your homework where she can see you, or by signing up for tutoring.
- Perform chores without being told. If you have chores assigned to you, don't wait to be reminded to do them. Get them done even before your mom expects them to be. This will show her that you are hard-working, responsible, and that she can trust you.
- Letting your industriousness surprise your mom is better than telling her how great you are for doing your chores. Let her find out on her own.
- Go above and beyond. If your mom asks you to do something, do it -- and more. For instance, if she asks you to tidy your room, vacuum it, too. This shows how you're taking initiative, and she'll appreciate that.
- Demonstrate good behavior. This goes for at school and at home: if you want your mom to trust you to go places, act mature and respectful. You don't have to be perfect, we all mess up sometimes, but try your best.
- Be polite and say "Please" and "Thank you."
- Don't get into fights at school.
- Respect your mom's friends by listening to them when they speak and politely engaging them in small talk.
Appealing Directly to Your Mom
- Ask her directly. Approach your mom with a calm disposition and without whining. Appeal to her reason first, and only to her emotions as a last resort.
- Ease into your appeal by phrasing it with words like, "I was wondering if..." or "Would you consider letting me go to..." Don't be blunt and phrase it like "Mom, I want to go to..."
- Make sure your mom is in a good mood when you approach her. If she's in a bad mood, wait until it subsides, or do something nice to make her happy -- but do it out of care, not manipulation.
- Include all the details about where you want to go: who will be there, how long you'll be there, how you're getting there and home. The more you can offer in terms of details, the more comfortable your mom will feel about it.
- Remember to keep the drama to a minimum: once you've lost your cool and are shouting, your chances of success are minimal.
- Begin your appeal early. If you want to go someplace on Friday, start your appeal to mom on Monday. You don't want her to feel pressured or rushed into giving an answer. Otherwise, she'll probably say no because she doesn't have time to think about it.
- Introduce the topic casually. Don't just come right out with the question, "Can I...". Be diplomatic. Introduce the topic in conversation, but don't linger on it. You're just planting seeds of thought.
- For example: if you want to go to the mall, you can bring up the time when you two went together, how fun that was, how your friends are thinking of going, and how you'd like to go again.
- Another example: if you want to go over to your friend's house, you can mention that your friend brought up the possibility of hanging out later in the week, and that she/he was going to ask her/his parents. See what your mom says, but don't state it as though you're presuming you will be able to go.
- If you just can't help yourself, and you do ask if you can go, don't push for an answer if your mom is hesitant. Let her think about it. Not being insistent and stubborn is a sign of maturity, and your mom will notice this.
- Offer more reasons than merely opinion. One reason why your mom might say no to your request is because it's just your opinion pitted against her authority. To anticipate this, do some research relevant to your request and be prepared to cite it.
- Although it involves some extra work, creating a PowerPoint presentation or an informational sheet about where you want to go will impress your mom and show her that you've really thought this through.
- If you make an informational sheet, leave it where your mom can find it and read it on her own time.
- Write a letter. If you're not comfortable asking your mom face-to-face, a letter is a thoughtful way to let her know what you want to do. Think of your letter as a persuasive essay, covering the reasons why you think you should be able to go. Don't just rely on your own opinion: do some research and include some other, informed opinions in your letter, too.
- In your letter, be sure to address your mom's concern for your personal safety, as this will be one of her reasons to say no.
- Make the tone of your letter loving and earnest: tugging at your mom's heartstrings too much might make her feel manipulated.
- Include lots of details about the circumstances of why and where you want to go. If you leave no questions in her mind, then she's likely to feel more comfortable with letting you go.
- Bargain with her. Tell her that you think you're ready for more responsibilities around the house, as well as being allowed to go somewhere. Bargaining will probably only work if you're already meeting your other obligations, such as your chores.
- Make sure that you can and will follow through with whatever you bargain with. If you don't, then you'll lose your mom's trust.
- An example way of phrasing your bargain is, "Mom, now that I'm [xx] years old, I was hoping you could begin trusting me with my responsibilities and independence by assigning me other roles around the house, and perhaps letting me go places, such as [yy] this week."
- Another example of phrasing your bargain is, "Mom, now that I'm older, I was hoping you'd trust me to go places, such as [yy] this week, and in exchange for your trust I'd start taking on more responsibilities around the house."
- When coming up with bargaining ideas, consider all that your mom has to do every day. Taking some of the load may be appreciated and considered thoughtful.
Reacting Appropriately to Your Mom's Decision
- Be calm. If she refuses, find out why she's said no and respond accordingly. Do not ever throw a tantrum or start whining about how unfair your mom is being. Only bratty children do that, and that's not the impression you want to make.
- An example way of responding to a "No" is, "May I ask why you don't want me to go?"
- If your mom pulls the ol' "Because I said so" card, don't flip out. If she's pulling that card, it's because she hasn't got a good reason. Give her more time to think.
- Be grateful. Whether she says yes or no, be grateful for either her trust, or her concern. This is a very mature way to behave, and she will be impressed.
- An example way of responding to a "Yes" is, "Thank you so much, mom, it means a lot that you trust me enough to go to [yy]."
- An example way of responding to a "No" is, "I understand. I appreciate your concern for my safety."
- Plan for the future. If your mom finally gives you an absolute no, it's best to accept it gratefully and show your maturity rather than to flip out and show your immaturity. Ask her how you could improve or grow so that you could be able to go in the future. This question alone will impress her.
Tips
- Give her time to think. If you keep pressing her on the spot, she will say no.
- If she refuses, back off and try again later. Don't pester her.
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