Dump Girls

No one ever said that dumping a girl was fun -- or easy. But if you plan ahead, deliver the news in the kindest way possible, and avoid causing unnecessary damage, you will both be able to move on without feeling too much pain or heartache. So how do you dump a girl without making her feel horrible? Read on to find out.

Steps

Making a Plan

  1. Figure out what you're going to say. If you care about the girl at all, then you owe it to her to spend some time finding a way to give her the bad news as nicely as possible. If you don't plan ahead at all, then you may accidentally end up hurting her even more, confusing her, or just sounding like a jerk without meaning to. You don't have to rehearse every word, but you should have a sense of what you're going to say to end the relationship and what reason you're going to give for doing it. Here are some things you can say:
    • "I'm really sorry, but I just don't think things are working out between us. I feel like we're becoming different people and can't find a way to make it work."
    • "This is really hard for me to say, but I think we should end our relationship. I know we both have been unhappy for a while because we're not really compatible, and we both need to move on."
    • "This relationship just isn't working out anymore. I've been spending so much time at work and you've been so busy with your other friends that we haven't made our time together a priority. I think it's too late to turn back from that."
    • Avoid anything like, "Well, I'm kinda bored of you." Or, "I've found someone else."
  2. Do it in person if you care at all. If the girl means anything at all to you, then do her the courtesy of breaking up with her in person. If you dump her over text or email, then you'll always be the jerk who couldn't build up the courage to dump his girlfriend like a man. Though you'll feel a momentary relief when you press that "send" button, the repercussions of your actions won't be worth taking the easy way out. Give the girl a chance to hear you out and to have a conversation about the breakup. If you care about her, then you'll want her to have a real chance to get some closure.
    • The only reason you shouldn't break up with the girl in person is if you're in a long distance relationship and won't be seeing each other for a while. In this case, it's better to do it over the phone than to wait until the next time you see each other.
  3. Pick the right time. There's no perfect time to break up with someone. No matter what, the person will be upset, stressed out, and possibly angry. However, you can minimize the damage a bit by making sure you're picking a time when the girl has nothing going on afterwards, and when you know she won't be incredibly stressed because of a huge test/big game/important interview the next day. If you pick a time when she's less likely to be stressed, then you'll make it easier for her to get the message.
    • If she's constantly stressed and has a lot going on at all times, don't let this delay you from breaking up with her for too long -- just try to find a day when she's less stressed than usual, if you can.
  4. Pick the right place. Your first priority is picking a quiet, isolated place where you're not likely to run into anyone you know. After that, just try not to pick a place that means a lot to you, like the bench where you shared your first kiss or your favorite restaurant. Breaking up with her in a place that is meaningful for your relationship will only worsen the pain. Just pick a place that is quiet, neutral, and as unromantic as possible. If you take her for a long walk through a rose garden or on a beach, then yeah, the break up will take her by surprise.
  5. Stay cool when you ask her to meet up. Don't act too serious or sad when you ask her if she's free later. Just keep your cool and ask if she'll be around later. You can say, "There's something I want to talk to you about," but that'll make it pretty obvious that you have some bad news to deliver, so if you can, keep it a bit vague. This doesn't mean you should catch her by surprise completely, but that you shouldn't upset her too much before the conversation or she'll want to have the talk on her terms then and there, and you may not be prepared.

Having the Talk

  1. Cut to the chase. You can say something nice or make small talk first, but there's no use in prolonging the pain. After a minute or two, once you and the girl have settled in, you should just tell her that you want to end the relationship. The longer you sit there, the more nervous you'll get, and the more likely you are to get off track. If you and the girl make small talk for twenty minutes before you break up with her, then you'll be much more likely to confuse her. Just take a deep breath and tell her that it's over as nicely as possible. Here are some things that you can say:
    • "I'm sorry to say that I think our relationship has run its course. We'd both be happier if we moved on."
    • "This relationship is no longer working for me. I know we've tried everything, and it just won't get better."
    • "It may not be a surprise that I haven't been happy in this relationship for a while. I really care about you, but I just don't think we should date anymore."
  2. Let her see that you're hurt too. If you really don't care at all, then there's no point in faking it. But if the break up really is hurting you, then make sure she sees it. Look into her eyes, talk slowly, and let her see the pain on your face. Most people don't think that the person doing the dumping also feels pain in a break up, but both people actually suffer. If she sees that you're not making an easy, careless decision that means nothing to you, then she'll have a better chance of understanding where you're coming from.
  3. Let her talk. If you care about the girl, give her the respect she deserves and let her tell you how she feels, ask questions, and share her feelings. She may just want to cry and be upset, and that's okay. She may start name-calling and getting angry -- in that case, you may need to wrap things up. If she's rambling on about the same thing over and over, then you can cut her off, but if she genuinely wants to share her feelings and is really hurt, then do her the kindness of letting her talk to you.
    • She'll likely have some questions for you, and you can decide how much you want to explain.
  4. Explain as much as you want. If you've fallen in love for someone else or realized that the girl you're with is just totally boring, you can do her a favor and not tell her as much. But if you do feel like she deserves an honest explanation of what really went wrong, then you can answer her questions and explain the breakup in more detail. Just remember that you only have to tell the girl what you're comfortable with, and the more you say, the more pain you may cause. Find a balance between being honest and protecting the girl.
    • Really, she'll just be asking a different version of "why?" over and over; once you feel like you can no longer give her new information, it may be time to wrap things up.
  5. Stick to your word. You came there to dump the girl, so don't leave there deciding to be together but to work things out, promising her that you just want to take a break for a month, or saying that you should still date but have an open relationship. The girl may break you down by how cute, sad, or just how gosh darn persistent she is, but you can't let her change your original game plan. If you decided to dump her, then you must have had a good reason, so stick to it.
    • This is why you should keep the conversation as short as possible. The longer you're out there, the more likely you are to have a change of heart.
  6. Don't be a jerk. Don't ruin your reputation by being a jerk to the girl or going on a date with her best friend. Even if she did something to hurt you or you're just plain sick of her, there's no need to be extra mean or just to hurt her feelings because you don't feel like dating anymore. You want her to leave with a relatively good impression of you, and for her not to tell all of the girls she knows that you should be avoided at all costs. If you feel some nasty words coming up, bite your tongue.
  7. Keep it short and sweet. The less time you spend on the conversation, the better. Once you've said your part and have her say what she wants to say, then there's no need to sit around together, feeling sad and letting those feelings of nostalgia bubble up. This will only cause you more pain, cause you to rethink what you've done, and leave you feeling even more sad and confused. You shouldn't dump the girl and then just walk away, but if you feel like you've both said everything you need to say and that you're both just repeating yourselves, then tell the girl you need to go.
    • If you really think the girl will try to drag it on, come up with a reasonable excuse for leaving in advance.
  8. Try to end on a positive note. Though the girl won't walk away thinking you're the greatest guy on the planet, you should have her leave without thinking that you're a horrible person. Say goodbye like a gentleman, say something nice, and try to smile. If you're inside, hold the door for her when you leave. Don't walk away after flinging insults at her, or that will stick with her. You want her to leave the relationship with a somewhat positive impression, don't you?

Tips

  • Show positive body language.
  • Make yourself seem sad, they will go softer on you.
  • Always say sorry, always!

Warnings

  • You might get a slap in the face.
  • You might get a really bad outcome, every girl is different when dumping, some go sad, some go angry and some go crazy but few go happy.
  • Do not go out with one of her friends. If that is the reason you're dumping her, you need to take a moment to think. Dating you ex's friend is one of the worst things you can do. Especially if you had something special.

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