Feel Better After a Friend Has Moved Away

Having a close friend move away is a dreadful experience—but it doesn’t have to be. Although your friend is far away, you can still stay connected with him or her and have a meaningful relationship. No matter if your friend moved to the next town over or all the way across the country, you can maintain the friendship and stop feeling so sad about it. Learn how to stay connected with your old friend and make new friends, too.

Steps

Staying in Touch

  1. Make plans to see each other as much as you can. If at all possible, try to see your friend when you can. In some situations, this may be nearly impossible, like if your friend moved to a different part of the country or to a new continent. But, if you have the ability to see each other and your parents are willing to accommodate you, try to meet up. Just having a date set when you might see your friend again can help you manage the distance.
    • For example, if your friend’s family comes home on holidays, be sure to schedule in some one-on-one time. Or, if your family is vacationing at a nearby beach, see if her family can join, too.[1]
  2. Stay connected through technology. Thankfully, there are tons of ways to stay in touch with a long-distance friend. Work with your friend to negotiate a schedule of how often you two can contact each other. Depending on your age and access to technology, you can talk as much as you like.
    • Send text messages every morning to say “hi.” Stay updated on each other’s social media pages. Plan to do video calls over Skype or Hangouts. Even if you don’t have time to stay on the telephone talking for hours at a time, you can still keep in touch with your friend through different types of media.[2]
  3. Exchange sentimental gifts to remember one another. Either before your friend leaves, or through mail, the two of you can exchange personal tokens. This allows you to have something to remember your friend by. It can be a special teddy bear, a CD that you both like, or even a picture you drew.[3]
    • You can even send care packages of things you think your friend may like, such as fresh-baked cookies or a fun book to read.[4]
  4. Reminisce about the old times often. A great way to increase the connection between you and your friend over a long distance is to reminisce about past experiences you’ve shared. Talk about your first day of school in 3rd grade when you accidentally had your shirt on backwards and she was the only one to tell you. Stay up at night laughing about the time you had a sleepover and he was snoring horribly. Send each other old photos and videos of fond memories you both share.[3]
  5. Do activities together from afar. Just because you and your friend no longer live in the same area it doesn’t mean you can’t do some of the fun things you once did. Watch your favorite movies together. Play an online game or download one from your phone’s app store. Engaging in shared activities helps strengthen your bond and makes it seem like you are hanging out just like old times.[2]
  6. Recognize that your friendship will change. Be honest with yourself and be willing to adjust your expectations of the friendship. While it's entirely possible for the two of you to maintain a rich relationship, things will not be the way they once were. Accept that your friendship will be slightly different, but no less valuable and important.[1]

Coping with Change and Loss

  1. Connect with fictional characters who have had a friend move away. Sometimes, hearing about someone else who has endured a similar experience can help you feel not so alone. Look up books, movies, or TV shows with story lines about friends who are long-distance. Doing this might help validate your feelings.[5]
  2. Get emotional support from family.[5] Turn to loved ones who can comfort you. Missing your friend is completely normal and healthy. It’s common to long for someone when you have a strong bond with them. However, don’t withdraw from others. Your parents and other family members would probably be happy to spend more time with you and help you get through the initial transition of your friend leaving.
    • Go to your parents or siblings and say “Hey, I feel really lonely since Charlie left. Can we do something together?”
  3. Create a scrapbook. Producing some type of tangible record of you and your friend’s relationship may help you to recognize the strength of the bond you share. Get some arts and craft materials and work to create a memory book. Use pictures, quotes, magazine photos, and other decorations to make a physical representation of your time together.[6]
  4. Accept that change is a part of life. No matter how hard you try to fight it, change is an unavoidable part of life. You have changed from the person you were five years ago and so have the people around you. Resisting change can prevent you from engaging with your new circumstances in a positive way and it can even be detrimental to your personal growth. As a result, you may start to isolate yourself and become depressed because your friend has moved away.[7] This response is harmful to you, so try to look for ways that you can adapt to your new situation instead.
    • For example, while you won't be able to replace your friend, you can use your friend's departure as an opportunity to make some new friends. Try inviting someone new to do something that you and your friend used to do together, such as going for walks or going to the movies. Or start a new tradition with someone, such as going for bike rides together after school or playing video games together on the weekend.
  5. Let yourself feel sad. Feeling painful feelings can be uncomfortable, but doing so can help you move through these emotions and feel better. If you refuse to acknowledge the pain or loss you feel, it will only build up inside of you. Try the T.R.U.T.H. strategy for feeling your feelings:[8]
    • Tell yourself what happened- stick to the facts
    • Realize what emotions you're feeling- try to describe the emotion
    • Uncover any self-criticism- look for any judgments you have about yourself for feeling a certain way
    • Try to understand yourself- answer "why" you are feeling this way (e.g. "We've been living near each other our whole lives and things will be scary without her/him.")
    • Have the feeling- experience the emotion completely allowing yourself to cry or shout
  6. Acknowledge that it takes time to adjust. Having a friend move away is difficult. Feeling sad and missing your friend is difficult. It does take time to adjust to your new situation. After you acknowledge your emotions, allow yourself to feel them, but also know that the feelings you have will not last forever.
    • The emotions you are feeling can be referred to as “transitional feelings.” These are emotions that are related to the fact that you have a sudden change life that is disrupting your life at the moment. When you do make the adjustment, these feelings will start to lessen with time.
  7. Find positive distractions. When you're trying to cope after a friend has moved away, it can be healthy and practical to distract yourself until you start to adjust to the new change. Just be sure that you choose positive distractions that benefit your health and well-being rather than jeopardizing them.[9]
    • For example, refrain from distracting yourself by overeating, using drugs or alcohol, or spending excessive amounts of money to buy things you think will comfort you. Instead, distract yourself by taking on a project such as leading a local community improvement effort, completing a work of art, or even something as simple as reorganizing your bedroom.
    • Taking your mind off your absent friend and getting involved in a different activity may help you to manage during the initial period after he or she has left.
  8. Ask your parents to let you see a therapist if coping becomes too hard. Moving can be a very difficult ordeal for kids and adolescents, especially those who are left behind. If you seem to have trouble adapting to the change, you may want to talk to a professional who can teach you skills to cope better.[10]

Forming New Bonds

  1. Play a sport at school to build new friendships. While it’s important to maintain your long-distance friendship, it’s also equally important to forge new friendships with others. Consider joining a sports team at your school. There are a host of benefits of to participating in athletics. In addition to engaging with a team and making friends, kids who are involved in sports also make smarter social choices, have better grades, and even develop better leadership skills.[11]
  2. Get involved in a club or other organization at school. If you are not athletic, joining another kind of extracurricular activity may be ideal. Doing this can keep you otherwise engaged and distracted from always missing your friend. Also, participating in clubs and organizations helps you learn marketable skills that can look good on college and job applications.[12]
    • What’s more, regularly meeting up with other students in your school can help you build new bonds with people you may not have hung out with previously.
  3. Volunteer in your community. Yet another beneficial way to make more friends and make a positive impact in your community is volunteering. Doing community services helps you develop better social skills because you get to meet up with people who share common interests. However, you also develop greater empathy because you are often assisting and interacting with people who come from all walks of life.[13]
    • Check out volunteer opportunities by contacting local religious groups, political groups, or community organizations to see if they have positions available.
  4. Accept and extend invitations to parties and events. Sometimes, making new friends comes down to saying “yes” to different invites you receive from classmates at school or from people in your extracurricular activities. At the same time, you can also open up your home to invite a few friends over after school or on weekends. Check with your parents to confirm that this is okay first.[14]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 https://www.psychologies.co.uk/five-ways-keep-your-long-distance-friendships-alive
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://movinginsider.com/2013/04/13/what-to-do-when-your-friend-is-moving-away/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/03/best-friend-long-distance_n_5052185.html
  4. ↑ https://www.themuse.com/advice/the-secret-to-staying-in-touch-with-longdistance-friends
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://blogs.psychcentral.com/family/2013/04/when-your-childs-best-friend-moves-away/
  6. ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/family/2013/04/when-your-childs-best-friend-moves-away/
  7. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/6-life-lessons-on-embracing-change-and-impermanence/
  8. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/06/12/a-technique-for-feeling-painful-feelings/
  9. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-robbins/distract-yourself-in-heal_b_575836.html
  10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201007/moving-is-tough-kids
  11. ↑ http://health.gov/paguidelines/blog/post/the-benefits-of-playing-sports-arent-just-physical!.aspx
  12. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/involved-school.html#
  13. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/work-career/volunteering-and-its-surprising-benefits.htm
  14. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/family-health-12/child-make-friends?page=1
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