Fix a Broken Heart

It's easy to feel like you'll never be able to love again after a devastating break-up. But once you start putting back the pieces of your heart and your life, you'll see that being able to live and love again is within the realm of possibility. If you want to learn how to fix your broken heart and enjoy life again, follow these easy steps.

Steps

Making Time for a Mourning Period

  1. Let your emotions loose. There's no shame in having a broken heart. If you hold back your feelings, your grieving period will last longer and you'll feel worse. In the beginning, it's okay to be honest and open about your feelings.
    • When you're alone, cry as much as you want to. Try not to cry too much in public, but if you can't help it, don't be embarrassed.
    • Be honest with your friends and family by telling them you're having a rough time. There's no point in being in denial about how awful you feel.
    • Write all of your sad thoughts in your journal. You'll feel better after getting them off your chest.
    • It's okay to be honest about your emotions to yourself and the people who care the most about you, but do not take your grief to social media. Don't post on your Facebook or Twitter account about how sad you are or how awful you feel after your breakup. Telling people you barely know about your deepest feelings will embarrass them and you, and this will be something you deeply regret in the future.
    • Making time for mourning means not seeing your ex. Don't try to prove how tough or "okay with it" you are by having a weekly dinner with your ex, or texting your ex when something reminds you of him or her. Unless you live together or need to be in contact for logistical reasons, such as getting your stuff back from his or her apartment, cut off contact as much as you can. This will help you heal much quicker. You can try to be friends with your ex when you're ready, but it won't always work.
  2. Don't force yourself to be social. If you've had a really devastating break-up, you don't have to force yourself to go out every night right afterwards. Making yourself go out into the world and interact with your friends, or even strangers, before you're truly ready will only make your pain worse. Here's what to do:
    • If you don't feel like going to big, loud parties for a little while, stay at home and do something fun there instead.
    • If you and your ex run in the same circles, try to avoid any events that he might be attending for a while unless you really think you can act cool about it.
    • Avoid excessive social drinking. If you are out, it may not be the best time to drink heavily. This will bring your emotions to the surface and you may be having a public outburst.
    • While you don't have to be social, make sure not to isolate yourself. Make time to invite your best friend over for a movie, talk to your parents on the phone, or email with your closest friend who lives across the country.
  3. Take time to think about your relationship. After the first week or two, once you're starting to get your thoughts together, it's time to reflect on the relationship and on the person who broke your heart. Here's what to do:
    • Write down all of the positive things you gained from the relationship, such as a higher self-confidence, a love for hiking, and a better ability to communicate.
    • Write down the negative things about your relationship. Maybe your relationship kept you from concentrating on your friendships, or you spend too much time thinking about your significant other instead of yourself.
    • Write down the qualities of the person who broke your heart. Recognize that the person has great traits but is a flawed human being. The more negative qualities you can generate, the better.
    • Write down all the other times when you've felt like you could possibly never love again, only to find that you found an even stronger, deeper love the next time. Don't worry if this is the first time you've felt this way.

Spend Time With Your Loved Ones

  1. Spend time with your family. Once you've given yourself enough time to mourn your relationship, it's time to slowly ease back into the world. Your family members should be some of the most accepting and loving people in your life, and they will be for you when you're trying to fix your broken heart. Here's what to do:
    • Try to see your family as much as you can. If your family members live far away, this could be a good time to take a week-long vacation to see them.
    • If can't see your family members, talk to them. Let them know how you're feeling and let them comfort you.
    • If there's something you used to love doing with your family, such as baking pies or watching football on Sundays, pick that up again if you can.
    • Ask your family members for advice. Though your family members may love you so much that they may say anything to make you feel better, ask them about how to deal with a broken heart.
  2. Spend time with your close friends. Though your family may have known you the longest, your close friends may have the best understanding of you and your relationship. They've probably met your significant other, have heard you discuss your problems, and have a helpful perspective. Here's how to do it:
    • Once you feel up to it, try to hang out with your close friends as often as you can. Even if you feel like you're being a drag, your close friends will make you laugh and will take your mind off of your recent heartbreak.
    • Use this as an opportunity to take the fun friend trip you and your friends have been talking about forever. Whether you're flying to Mexico or just driving to a new beach, sometimes a change of scenery with your closest friends can help you feel less broken.
    • Just be plain silly. Invite your friends to an 80s-themed sleepover or a dance party.
    • Just don't forget that your friends have their limits and their patience can wear thin. If you spend all of your time together whining and crying about your broken heart, they may not pick up the next time you call.
    • Hanging out with your closest friends will help the healing process, but try to avoid hanging out with too many couples. Even if your couple friends make a point of not being extra lovey around you, you may still feel left out and even more alone if you're surrounded by people who are in love.
    • You can talk to your friends about your breakup, but stop when you've gone over the same scenario so many times that you're not getting anywhere and it's making you sick. This can actually make you feel worse.
  3. Get back in touch with long-lost friends. If you were in a committed relationship for a long time, then chances are that you left a few friends by the wayside because you didn't have enough time to pursue your relationship along with so many friendships. Here's what you can do:
    • If you found out that an old friend from high school or college just moved into your neighborhood, don't be afraid to get in touch. You can reconnect and find that your relationship is even stronger than ever.
    • If you stopped talking to a close friend a while after she moved away from you, use this time to call her up and see how she's doing. You will find that you've missed many things about your relationship.
    • If one of your old friends moved abroad, write him or her a letter. This will help you reconnect and reflect in the process.

Keeping Busy and Active

  1. Improve your self-esteem. After your broken heart, you may be feeling down on yourself. Even if there's no reason for this, you need to work to make yourself feel good again in whatever way possible. Here are some great ways to improve how you feel about yourself:
    • Pamper yourself. Get that overdue haircut, go in for a pedicure and manicure, or even buy a new outfit or two. Feeling better about how you look can go a long way in helping you feel better about yourself overall.
    • Feel better about your body. While you don't have to hit up the gym like a maniac, running in the sun, taking a Pilates class, or eating three balanced meals will make you feel better physically, which will help put your mind at ease.
    • Be helpful. Volunteer at your local library or community center, or help one of your friends work on her garden. You'll feel better about yourself if you feel that you can help people in the world.
  2. Pursue a new interest. Now that you're riding solo, you may find that you have more time on your hands. There's no better occasion than to pursue a new interest. Pick something you've always wanted to do, or something completely random and fun. Here are some ideas:
    • Learn a new language. This will improve your memory, your ability to land a great job, and will make you a more interesting person.
    • Join a new sports league. Join a local soccer, basketball, or beach volleyball team. You may discover a new talent and will make great friends in the process.
    • Take an art class. Find out if you have a knack for pottery, oil painting, or ceramics.
    • Take an improv class. Develop your funny side and your ability to laugh no matter what.
  3. Learn to love being alone. Though you shouldn't spend too much time brooding by yourself, you should avoid running around with so many things to do that you don't have a moment for some quality "me time." It's likely that you didn't get enough time alone during your relationship. Alone time should be something you look forward to, not dread. Here's what you can do:
    • Express yourself. Sketch, write poetry, or even try your hand at a short story. Just avoid only writing or creating art about your ex.
    • Develop your love for literature. Try to read a book a week and really think about what it means. If this makes you feel too isolated, join a book club.
    • Make time to take walks for at least 20 minutes a day so you can really reflect on your life.
    • Take time to write thoughtful entries in your journal.
  4. Do something you weren't able to do during your relationship. Don't forget that while your heart is aching, there are benefits to being single. You are now free to do whatever you want whenever you want it, and this is no small gift. Here's how you can take advantage of not being in a relationship:
    • Go to a concert for a band that your ex didn't care for. You may have been missing out on your favorite music because you and your ex's tastes didn't jive.
    • Eat the type of food your ex hated. If your ex was a vegetarian while you're a big meat eater, try the new Korean BBQ place in your neighborhood. If your ex hated Mexican food while you love it, invite your friends out for fajitas.
    • Get hooked on a TV show that your ex refused to watch. Though you should avoid drowning your sorrows in television, try watching a new high-quality television show. This will be fun and will also give you something to look forward to.
    • Don't do things your ex hated out of spite. Just view this as an opportunity to spend more time doing the things you love.

Beginning to Love Again

  1. Make sure you're ready to start dating. Before you jump back into the love game, it's important to make sure your heart is mended as much as possible so that you don't feel worse when nobody you meet stacks up to your old significant other, or end up hurting people in the process. Here's how to know if you're ready:
    • If you've stopped thinking about your ex all the time. Your ex can cross your mind a few times a day, and you can have a relapse once in a while, but on the whole, your thoughts should be focused on your present life, your goals, and your future.
    • If you don't compare every guy you meet to your ex. It's important to approach dating with an open mind. If you're only out to see how your date stacks up to your ex, then you're not ready for dating.
    • If you only want to date in order to make your ex jealous. If you only want to see new people so your ex will hear about it or see pictures of you and a new special someone on Facebook, then you're not being fair to your potential suitors.
    • If you're feeling optimistic, positive, and like you have a chance---however small---of falling in love again.
    • Don't be frustrated if you can't completely stop thinking about your ex. If six months, or even a year or two has gone by and you're still thinking about him or her, that doesn't mean you shouldn't start dating again. It takes time to get over people, and if you're making an effort to move on instead of being stuck in the past, then dating is healthy.
  2. Start dating just for fun. Once you're ready to play the dating game again, you don't have to jump into it head first---just ease your toes into the water and see what happens. You'll have the best results if you take things slowly at first. Here's how to do it:
    • Don't jump to conclusions. If your new date doesn't impress you with his looks or attitude right away, give him a chance. You may be too focused on having that initial spark to see if something else is building between you.
    • Keep things light. When you start dating someone new, talk about your friends, your interests, and the fun things you hope to do. Don't jump into a deep philosophical discussion about how to live a happy life, or share the top ten things you're looking for in a husband. This will scare off your new date. Keep things fun instead, and dig into the deeper stuff later.
    • Don't talk about your ex. If it comes up, you can briefly mention your ex and say a few words about why your relationship ended, but try to steer clear of this topic for as long as possible. Once you and your date start opening up to each other, you can talk about this, but you don't want to seem like your stuck in the past.
  3. Open yourself to another serious relationship. Once you've stopped thinking about your ex, have gone on a few dates, and are ready for real love again, you need to make sure you can pursue a new and healthy relationship while protecting your heart as much as you can. Here's what you should do:
    • Be honest about your past relationship. Once you've seen someone for a few months and things are getting serious, don't be afraid to share as much as you want to say about your past relationship. If you keep in all of your painful memories from your last relationship, you won't be able to fully open up. Just be careful not to talk about it so much that your new sweetie thinks you're obsessing with your ex.
    • Try not to make the same mistakes as you did in your previous relationship. If you're ready to start seriously dating again, it means you've reflected on the things that did not work in your relationship. Though each relationship is completely unique, there should be a few helpful lessons you learned, such as not to take anything for granted, to remember to tell the person you're with how much you care, and not to spend all of your free time with your significant other.
    • Don't compare your new relationship to your old one. Though you can take lessons away from your old relationship, you should treat your new relationship as something exciting and malleable, and work to make the new situation as amazing as possible.
    • Open yourself to love. Once you're really ready and feel committed and invested in the person you're with, don't be afraid to let go. There is always a chance you will get hurt again, but if you've reflected and found the right person, the risk of getting hurt will be worth the amazing feeling of falling in love.



Tips

  • Remember that all wounds take time to heal. If you do not feel relief within the amount of time that you were anticipating, don't let that get you down and discouraged. No one can just magically get over a heartbreak overnight.

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