Get Over Your Parents Fighting

It doesn't matter whether you have accidentally stumbled upon a rare disagreement between your parents or if they fight in front of you constantly, either way witnessing such an event can be frightening. Keep it from doing serious harm to both your self-esteem and your relationship with your folks by following these steps.

Steps

When They're Not Fighting

  1. Speak with one or both of your parents about how their fighting affects you. It is best you can do this with the two of them present, so they can both know how you feel!

During a Fight

  1. Leave the room if possible. Go into your room, put on your headphones and crank up the stereo if you must. The further away you are from the "line of fire" (verbally speaking) the less likely you'll be emotionally drained from the experience.
  2. Recognize that they are not fighting because of you. This is true even if your name comes into the conversation. In this case it has more to do with a disagreement between parenting styles and little to do with any misbehavior on your part. Remember that it was never or now your fault.
  3. Stay confident. Don't let this issue get in the way of how you feel about yourself. Try to say a couple good things about yourself before you go to school or anywhere.
  4. Contact the authorities if you feel there is an imminent threat of danger to anyone in the house. It's difficult for a child to call emergency services but if violence erupts, it's the best option. The authorities can remove you and your siblings from the home until everyone has calmed down.
  5. Remind yourself that this issue will end. Slowly but surely, it will end.

After the Fight

  1. Do an emotional check-up. It's quite normal for your feelings to run the gamut from anger to sadness and back again to a stressful situation. Allow yourself to feel these emotions in an appropriate manner such as crying, screaming into a pillow or even something creative such as writing a poem or painting a picture can help.
  2. Approach your parents when you and your parents are ready. If any of you need a longer, cooling down period, then allow that time to pass before you try speaking with them.
  3. Remind them of how much it bothers you when they fight. This is not the time for a long drawn out discussion. A simple phrase such as, "Can you please not fight around me," will suffice.
  4. Forgive and move on forward.

Tips

  • If you need help in dealing with your emotions because of your parents fighting, speak with a school counselor or another adult you trust. Make sure that the adult you choose to speak with can remain objective on this subject. For example, if Grandma often expresses her distaste against Dad (or Mom) she may not be the best choice to talk to about this.
  • The best thing you can do is work on yourself, find who you are, be an individual, and immerse yourself in your interests. The best gift you can give to your parents is doing your best and trying your hardest to be happy and make good decisions for yourself.
  • If you know that your parents may be drifting apart, then remember how it affects you. Maybe you want them to leave, but always stand up for yourself. If one parent is always the victim, then try to defend them and suggest ideas. They may need to be apart.
  • Understand that it is not in your hands to resolve your parents' marriage. Some issues, however, happen if your parents are divorced. If this is the case, it may be about who keeps you and when. Do not try to take on that responsibility, even if it is a really bad situation, it is too heavy on your shoulders and the more you try to see no results, the more you will tear down your self esteem. They are the only ones who can restore their issues.
  • If you are worried about a parent getting harmed by the other, call emergency services. If this is something you worry about in general, even before the arguments heat up, know that you are not their babysitter. Communicate with your parent about dealing with this situation and finding a conclusion. Tell them you can't handle the worrying, and that you cannot bear the burden of monitoring their arguments for their safety. It is up to your parent at this point. Don't feel guilty, because domestic abuse is never your fault. You cannot change your parent's actions, so don't let your own life become neglected for the sake of something you cannot prevent, not in specific instances because it is dangerous, and most definitely not in the long run. Don't let your parent use you as a way to enable holding on to an abusive relationship by involving you in fights.
  • Stay confident. Remember, each fight has a conclusion and none of it is your fault.
  • Become really involved in your schoolwork, if it has suffered. Don't worry; it's never too late. Talk to a school counselor. Tell them you have been distracted due to home situations. They are likely to genuinely want to help you, simply because you took initiative to tell them what's been going on. Get those grades up!
  • Don't let the drama at home distract you.
  • Study and do homework someplace quiet, like the library or at a friend's house. If this is not possible, go outside away from your parents, or walk to a park.
  • If you don't have friends who are helping to build you up, you are better off without them. They may not understand the depth of what you are going through and what it will take to rise above it, or they don't know how if they go through the same themselves. You will find that good friends will come to you if you keep up the great things you are doing.
  • If you have siblings, you worry about leaving home with the hostility going on, consider taking them with you where you decide to do your homework/hobbies. Or take them somewhere you know they are safe and happy.
  • Keep yourself busy. Respect yourself, inside and out. Embrace your youth, enjoy looking and being like a kid (or teenager), though you may not feel like one because of this situation. You will yield a dose of maturity.
  • Don't be nosy. Understand the fight will end.Parents are more emotionally and mentally strong than you. Accept their feelings.They may get mad at you if you be nosy or try a lot to bring them together.
  • Don't think your parents fight will never end, actually it will. it might take time, like 4 days or even a week, but it will end.

Warnings

  • Avoid taking sides with a parent, even if they ask you to do so. It's ideal to unfasten yourself from involving in the dispute.
  • Refrain from talking to your parents when they are belligerent. Irate people seldom listen to reason and may lash out at anyone who crosses their path.
  • Do not be afraid to seek help by calling emergency services if it's necessary. Some parents can work themselves into an uncontrollable fury that needs the intervention of police officers. Yes, it's scary when it gets this far, but if you remind yourself that you're doing the right thing by dialing emergency services, it will help boost your confidence at this precarious time.

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