Get Over a Guy Who Doesn't Care About You

Did you have a crush on someone who didn't like you back or did you discover that your boyfriend didn’t care about you the way you cared about him? While romantic rejection is common, it can be a painful and difficult experience to get over. To speed up your recovery, you can take steps to change your perspective and move forward. You can also make simple lifestyle changes to feel better, and turn to the people around you for support.

Steps

Changing Your Perspective

  1. Address the situation head on. Regardless of how involved you were with the guy who doesn't care about you, you have to acknowledge your feelings and address the situation. Denying you cared about the person or were interested in him won’t help you move on.[1]
    • Don’t pretend that it didn’t happen or act like you are unfazed by the situation. To effectively get over someone, according to psychologists, you need to recognize and admit what you are dealing with. Regardless of how serious your relationship with the guy was, this is an important step in the grieving process.
    • Confide in a trusted friend or write your feelings down in a private place such as a diary or journal.
  2. Don't blame yourself. When you find out that a guy doesn't care about you the way you care about him, it can be easy to look at yourself and find fault. Blaming yourself, however, is not the way to move forward, and it will only make you feel worse.[2]
    • Instead of feeling like there is something wrong with you that you could have or should have fixed, push these negative thoughts aside. Reassert your control by dismissing the person who doesn’t care about you. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want you, and if they don’t want you it is not your problem. A successful relationship is based on mutual affection, and when the other person doesn’t feel that way the relationship is not worth your time and energy.
    • It can be helpful to use affirmations to remind yourself that you are not to blame. Self-affirmations can seem silly at first, but they will help you feel better about yourself and less responsible for other people's perceptions.
  3. Embrace your independence. While it’s hard to get over a guy who doesn’t care about you, it can be easier when you embrace your independence. Remind yourself that you do not need other people to make you happy.[1]
    • Even if you do not feel particularly independent at the time or are not excited to be alone, telling yourself that you will embrace your independence will help you feel better.
    • Take note of all the things you do on your own, and the many ways in which you are independent. For example, are you financially independent? In what ways do you take responsibility for your own happiness?
  4. Make a list of your attributes and strengths. You might not feel very amazing or strong when you are trying to get over a guy who doesn’t care about you, but take the time to make a list of your attributes and strengths. This will help you feel more confident, attractive, powerful and able to move forward.[1]
    • Feeling rejected can lower your self esteem, and this exercise is designed to help you remember what a catch you are.
    • Think about specific challenges you’ve gone through, or events and circumstances that tested your strength. You’ve probably gone through more than you realize, and you can do it again to get over a guy who doesn't care about you.
    • Sometimes it can be helpful to ask a good friend for their input. We sometimes have a hard time recognizing positives in ourselves. Remember, what you identify as a weakness, might be seen by other people as a strength.
  5. Don’t be impatient. Although you may feel frustrated that it’s taking time to get over someone, avoid being hard on yourself. Demanding that you move on quickly can make you feel worse and like you are under even greater pressure.[3]
    • Even if you were not in an official relationship, you have lost someone who you thought was important to you. As a result, you need to give yourself time to recover without feeling like you should be making more progress.
  6. Acknowledge your progress. An important part of getting over someone who doesn’t care about you is acknowledging any progress you make, however small it may seem. Each day, think about something you’ve done to move forward.[3]
    • It can be helpful to make a list of your progress in a diary or journal. Even if you have days that are harder than others, you will be able to look back and observe how great you are doing and see that things are getting better.
    • Record even simple things that you’ve done. For example, did you find it easier to go out with friends and think about other topics? Did you visit a place without thinking of the guy you are trying to get over? Did you meet someone or see someone you thought was attractive?
  7. Be hopeful that things will get better. Although it might not feel like it right now, you need to tell yourself that things will get better and you will get over the person who doesn't care about you. Allowing yourself to feel hopeful about the future is essential to your recovery.[1][4]
    • For example, think about how getting over this person will allow you to meet someone who will care about you the way you deserve. Imagine what it will feel like to not be sad or unhappy. It’s okay to indulge in fantasies and daydreams about the future if it helps you feel more optimistic.

Making Lifestyle Changes to Feel Better

  1. Enjoy time alone. If you discover that a guy you are interested in or involved with doesn’t care about you, the idea of being alone can be very scary and depressing. With a little effort, however, you can learn to enjoy the solitude and use alone time to help you recover.[3]
    • Psychologists recommend that you heal by nurturing your relationship with yourself. This means being comfortable and content spending time in your own company.[5]
    • One of the great things about being on your own is that you can do what you want. A good step toward getting over a guy who doesn’t care about you is to think about and set aside time for specific activities you enjoy or think you might enjoy.
    • Sometimes, it can be helpful to start out with more basic or small activities. For example, do you enjoy reading, having a cup of tea, or taking a bath? Make time each day for these things. Once you are comfortable taking time for yourself, you can move on to bigger activities such as going on a trip or enrolling in a class.[5]
    • If you are a busy person, it can be helpful to schedule time so it is part of your daily routine. Is there a period during your day where you have half an hour to yourself? If so, fill that time with something you enjoy.[5]
    • If you feel that you don’t have any time, ask yourself if there is a way to rearrange your schedule so that you can make time. For example, can you wake up 15 minutes earlier each morning or cut out a responsibility? You are important, and if this activity will help you feel more relaxed, confident, and independent, then it is worth the time investment.[5]
  2. Stop engaging in unhealthy activities or behaviors. When you are trying to get over someone, it can be tempting to cope with your situation by engaging in unhealthy activities such as drinking, drug use, or casual sex. Although these behaviors might seem to provide temporary relief, they can be destructive and will not help you move forward with your life in a positive manner.[3]
    • If you are resorting to drugs, drinking, casual sex, or other destructive behaviors to cope, it’s a good time to contact a counselor or therapist who can help you find a more effective way to get over a person who doesn’t care about you.
  3. Give yourself some space. If you are trying to get over a guy who doesn't care about you, interacting with the person can be a painful reminder of the situation. To speed up your recovery, it's a good idea to give yourself some space and keep your interactions with the guy to a minimum.[1]
    • This might mean spending time in new places or hanging out with different friends if you travel in the same circles. You may also want to block him on social media accounts or delete contacts in your phone. You don’t have to avoid the person at all costs and it may not be realistic to cut him out of your life, but you should do what is needed to help you feel better.
    • Use this as an opportunity to meet and make new friends or try different activities. For example, you could join a book club, take an art class, or try a new coffee shop.
  4. Allow yourself to cry. It’s understandable to feel bummed when a guy doesn’t care about you the way you care about him, and shedding tears over the situation can actually help you feel better.[1][6]
    • Researchers have concluded that crying can relieve stress and promote healing, so don't be ashamed if you feel weepy and don't hold in your tears.
  5. Laugh so you can feel better. Crying can be therapeutic when trying to get over a guy who doesn't care about you, but so can laughing and it’s usually a lot more fun. Research indicates that laughter relieves pain, lessens anxiety, helps you confront fears, and will make you feel more optimistic.[7][8]
    • To help you get over a guy who doesn’t care about you, take the time to laugh with friends, family, or coworkers. Watch a funny movie or pick an activity that makes you giggle.
  6. Exercise to feel better. Although working out may be the last thing you want to do when you are feeling down, research shows that exercise releases endorphins, which will help you feel less depressed and more confident.[3][1]
    • You don’t have to run a marathon or perform a strenuous workout routine to boost your mood. Go for an easy walk in the park or go on a low key bike ride. Gradually increase your activity level each day and week, and you will soon notice a big improvement in your mood. When you feel better physically and mentally, it will be easier to move on.
    • Exercising also gives you a sense of control and power over your situation. Imagine that you are taking charge of your life in the same way you are taking charge of your physical activity.

Getting Help From Others

  1. Don’t isolate yourself. It’s normal to feel depressed when the guy you are interested in doesn't care about you, but avoid isolating yourself from the people who love and support you. Cutting yourself off from friends and family will make you feel worse, so reach out to the people in your life you can count on.
    • Ask your friends and family for their feedback and help. They will probably be happy to talk with you about your feelings and brainstorm about how you can feel better. There's also a good chance they have dealt with a similar situation and can relate to how you are feeling.
  2. Organize fun activities and outings. To take your mind off your troubles and to help you move forward with your life, organize fun activities with people you enjoy being around.[3]
    • Go out to dinner, see a movie, plan a trip, or take a spa day.
    • It might be tempting to spend the whole time talking about your unrequited love, but everyone will have a better time if you enjoy the moment. Don’t focus on the past.
  3. Make new friends. Meeting new people can be a healthy way to recover from rejection because the people you meet were not a part of these painful experiences. Here are some ideas to make new friends:[9]
    • Introduce yourself to someone you see regularly at work, school, or in your gym class. There are many people we see every day, but have never taken the time to actually meet. You might get to know someone who could be a great friend.
    • Visit new places such as restaurants, bookstores, and coffee shops. When you become stuck in a routine, you don’t encounter many new people.
    • Instead of spending all your time telling your new friends about past relationship woes, try asking them about their lives and interests. You’re meeting new people to move forward, so don’t let your past pain intrude on your fresh start.
  4. Try to help someone else. When you are dealing with a painful or potentially hurtful situation such as learning that someone doesn’t care about you, it can be tempting to fixate on your own pain. A good way to feel better and take your mind off your troubles, however, is to help someone else.[1]
    • Helping other people has a way of placing your own problems in perspective and making them seem less significant and all-encompassing.
    • Consider volunteering for a community organization. Offer to help out a friend, or just do something nice for someone in need.
    • You can also be supportive of other people by being friendly and encouraging in meetings, therapy sessions, or online forums.
  5. Meet with a mental-health professional. Meeting with a mental-health professional, counselor, or therapist is an excellent way to get over a guy who doesn’t care about you. They are trained to guide people through the grieving process and help them move forward with their lives and future relationships.[3]
    • If you worry that your loved ones or friends are tired of hearing you talk about the guy who doesn't care about you or are impatient with you for not moving on, talking with a mental-health professional is a good solution. Their job is not to judge you or your progress. Instead, they will offer a supportive and safe environment in which to express your feelings.
    • If you are depressed and having a hard time getting past the guy who doesn’t care about you, a trained mental-health professional may be able to recommend therapy options, support-group meetings, or even medicine that can help you feel better.

Tips

  • Give yourself credit for the progress you are making, and take notes each day in a diary or journal about the positive steps you are making. For example, did you make it through the day thinking less about the guy who rejected you? Were you able to make a new friend or acquaintance? Even if you have tough days, you can look back and observe all your progress.
  • Make time for yourself and learn to enjoy alone time. Schedule time each day to have a cup of tea, read a book, take a bath, or do something that you like to do. You will feel more independent and stronger.
  • If you travel in the same circles as the guy who rejected you, it can be helpful to give yourself some space. Visit new places, make new friends, and get some distance.
  • Love yourself first and then you'll discover that love is all you need to be free.

Warnings

  • Avoid self-destructive behaviors such as drugs, drinking, and casual sex. These are not effective ways to get over someone, and they can cause more problems.
  • If you are depressed and thinking about hurting yourself, seek help as soon as possible so you can feel better. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline's 24 hour toll-free crisis hotline (1-800-273-8255).

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 1.7 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/02/18/10-tips-to-mend-a-broken-heart/
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/getting-back-out-there/201506/when-the-person-you-love-doesnt-love-you
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 3.5 3.6 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/11/28/help-on-healing-from-heartbreak/
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/schlepping-through-heartbreak/201106/seven-steps-moving-forward-when-your-relationship-ends
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 5.3 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/10/27/suggestions-for-savoring-solitude/
  6. ↑ http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry.aspx
  7. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/give-your-body-boost-with-laughter
  8. ↑ http://time.com/3592134/laughing-health-benefits/
  9. ↑ https://simplysolo.wordpress.com/2012/12/04/how-to-make-friends-after-a-breakup/
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