Get Your Crush

We have all been in a situation in which we've had a crush or an interest stuck in the friend zone that we’d like to become more than just friends with. It’s difficult to know just what to do, and easy to freeze up when confronted with your crush. Here’s how to go from admiring your crush from a distance to taking proactive steps that show your interest and get your crush.

Steps

Making Initial Contact

1. Smile. Smile often, especially if you have a bright smile or you've been told you have a great smile. When your crush says something funny, laugh, of course. Just don't make it forced. Introducing humor of your own into a conversation is a great way to keep it positive and memorable, and helps keep those smiles flowing naturally.
2. Maintain good body language. Before you even speak to your crush, you can give off positive vibes by having good posture. Also remember to maintain eye contact during the conversation, stay relaxed, and use hand gestures confidently.
3. Don't be shy. If you're too quiet, your crush might not have a reason to be attracted to you or worse, might not even notice you. This can be difficult if you are an introvert, or if you are naturally a shy person. With that, keep in mind that overcoming shyness doesn’t necessarily mean talking a lot. It means speaking well and thoughtfully, and initiating conversation. It’s more about how you speak than how much you speak. There are a variety of good topics and ways to engage your crush in conversation.
   • Find topics to agree on or laugh about. This is a good principle of conversing with anyone: find at least one area of common ground or interest in your conversation. You might even try not to end a conversation until you’ve found at least one source of agreement.
   • Stay current. Mention recent movies, books, TV shows, articles, or other entertainment topics she might be familiar with. The more mainstream, the more likely she is to know your reference. This is particularly helpful when you have a lull in conversation.
   • Stay positive. Think of things that pretty much everyone likes: hobbies, pets, vacations, weekends, dessert, etc. Not every one of these topics will apply, but one or two probably will, and the more general you are, the more likely you are to hit on commonality. Then take the conversation more specific from there.
   • Avoid negative or sensitive topics. Save your discussions of politics, religion, class, or race for another time. Obviously, you don’t want to mention a topic that could lead to disagreement or even an argument. So, it’s wise to avoid these subjects. If one comes up and you can see it heading in a bad direction, try diverting the topic with a laugh and something disarming like, “Yikes. I usually steer clear of that subject at a party. That was a close one.”
4. Befriend your crush. Of course, before you land your crush you need to get to know her, and striking up a genuine friendship is an excellent way. A friendship will give you insight into her interests, making it easier to find and share common interests and activities. Friendships also build trust, which is helpful when you get to the point of asking your crush out on a date. After all, no one wants to date someone she’s suspicious or distrustful of.
   • Consider becoming Facebook friends if your crush is digitally inclined, and occasionally liking a post or two. This keeps you on their radar, and it gives you a glimpse into your crush’s interests as well.
   • Don’t ditch your current friends. You don’t want to be too socially available or not available enough. That means you still want to maintain your current friendships as they’ve always been. Maintaining friendships will keep you grounded regardless of what ultimately happens with your crush. On the flipside, you don’t want to overdo it by being too socially aggressive with your crush. Avoid stalking your crush on social media or obsessing over him/her. Think of the association with your crush as an early-stage friendship.

Showing Your Interest

1. Ask your crush questions. One of the best ways to show interest is to ask specific questions about herself. You could ask about where she’s from, family, work, hobbies, travels, or favorite things to do. Keep questions specific and lively, but not too personal or private.
2. Flirt. At some point, you’re going to have to begin casual flirting. If your crush does it first, great! Reciprocate. If not, you’ll have to initiate. Physically, a light arm or shoulder touch during conversation often works. Verbally, you can take your compliments up a level. For example, instead of saying she “looks good,” say she’s “beautiful.” And remember to smile and stay confident.
3. Impress. Focus on yourself and your own success. Scoring a big win at work or joining a gym or sports team can give you the sort of confidence boost that crushes find very attractive. They’ll be able to sense the success, but you can also talk about it. Light bragging is okay, as long as it doesn’t sound arrogant, self-possessed, or obnoxious.
4. Stay patient. Landing love won’t happen overnight. It’s a process that includes baby steps and small victories along the way: returned smiles, returned texts, great conversations, and more. The flipside of this is you don’t want to rush. You could turn your love interest off by moving too fast, or give her the wrong impression about your intentions. So be patient, and try to have fun with it.
5. Look your finest. Remember the basics: hair, clothes, hygiene, and makeup, if you like. Wear deodorant and light cologne or perfume. You don’t want to overdo it or look like you’re trying too hard, but you do want to look attractive. So, clean up well, find something nice to wear, and play to your strengths—be they hair, eyes, height, etc.

Securing Dates

1. Ask out your crush. Remember, this is what you’ve been building toward: a date with your crush. Stay calm and make the date casual. Chances are, if you’ve struck up a friendship—or even just a good conversation or two—you’ll have some idea already of what she likes to do and hence, what might be a good first date.
   • Ask directly and specifically. You could say, “Want to grab a drink one night after work?” or “Free to do coffee one day next week? I can do Tuesday or Thursday.” Once she says yes, agree on a time and remember to get her phone number or email address, if you don’t have it already, in case anything comes up the day of the date. You can offer yours as well.
2. Follow up after the date. Texting is a safe way of following up. If you’ve already had a phone call, then call and speak, instead, or leave a voicemail. You’ll usually want to follow up the next day, but you could follow up the same day with something along the lines of, “Did you make it home OK?” or “I had a fun time tonight. Talk again soon. Goodnight!”
3. Continue to engage. By repeating the previous two steps, dating and following up on dates, you begin to establish a relationship. This is what getting your crush is all about. Ask if she prefers texting or calling, and if she’s open to calling, call. It’s a sign of a closer relationship. In the early days of a relationship, try to remain on her radar by speaking about every other day and moving toward daily. In person, your goal should be to do something together about once per week.
4. Remind your crush of your interest. Having a sit-down or a big official talk about relationship status, or Facebook relationship status, is scary and can backfire. Worry about relationship status details if and when they come up. Instead, remind your crush of your interest as if you’re an official couple. “I had a great time” or “You’re so much fun to hang out with” are meaningful statements that show interest, not obsession.
   • Give compliments. Be real, and make your compliments about the things that you genuinely like about the person. Also, since we are talking about a crush, the compliments can be suggestively romantic but not overtly romantic or sexual. For example, you might not want to compliment their physical characteristics directly, but you could say something like, “You look great in that dress.”
   • Contact your crush for no big reason. You might text or call for no reason other than just thinking about the other person. You can check in just to say hi, or to say that you saw something cool that reminded you of the other person. Keep it light and thoughtful, and your crush is prone to be flattered.
   • Give thoughtful gifts. Everyone loves gifts. Just beware of coming on too strong with a big expensive gift. Also beware of gifts that are too intimate or suggestive. Instead, give thoughtful gifts based on her interests or your shared history. Examples could be flowers, a small work of art, or a favorite food your partner mentioned. You might also think of a gift based on interest areas, such as sports, cooking, gardening, books, films, or music.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Win Your Crush (Girls)
• Leave Romantic Notes for Your Crush
• Look Appealing in Front of Your Crush
• Tell Your Crush You Like Them
• Tell That Your Crush Likes You Back
• Leave a Note Signed 'Secret Admirer'
• Approach Your Crush
• Know if a Middle School Boy Likes You
• Know When to Tell Someone You Like Them
• Be Close to Your Crush

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