Overcome a Broken Heart

After opening your heart to someone, only to end up having its love and courage dashed against the rocks of rejection, it can feel as if all the weight of the world rests upon your shoulders. Whatever the cause of your broken heart, be it a romantic loss, a spouse or child disappointing you or a failed project, there are ways to overcome your broken heart and patch the pieces back together again.

Steps

Overcoming a broken heart from an intimate relationship

  1. Try to see the positives about the end of the relationship. In particular, there is a sound reason they didn't make it into your future, and that is a lack of compatibility. You can't force the other person to feel the same way. And, if this person hurt you, they're not worthy of you from that point onward.
  2. Forgive yourself. Anything that you contributed or were told contributed to the breakup is water under the bridge. If the person really cared to make a go of things, they'd have been ready to work through any such issues. These things become convenient excuses rather than an accurate assessment of who you are or your self worth. You can certainly learn lessons from mistakes you made but there's no need to beat yourself up over it––learn and improve for the next time.
    • Sometimes the relationship you need to fix /rescue is with yourself, not the person who left you. Even if it wasn't your fault (and seriously, talking about "fault" is unhelpful in personal relations), you need to take time out to find yourself again and be confident with yourself. Don't start thinking about being friends with your ex right away––if ever. You have to be your own friend first.
  3. Grieve but take care not to get stuck in long-term pity. Grief is a process to go through, not a destination to wallow in. In this process it's a little bit like dancing, putting one foot in front of the other, learning anew; each step you take is a part of your healing. Allow time to unfold and embrace your healing process.
    • Don't be hard on yourself. Your feelings are normal, while suppressing them is not. Let the feelings out as needed, and respect that healing requires the range of emotions, rather than a stiff upper lip.
  4. Don't do this alone. You deserve tender loving care and support. Talk to people who can help you. Talk to friends, family, or even close co-workers. Most have probably gone through the same thing and can help.
    • Express your feelings. Sometimes you need to express your feelings of anger, pain, sadness and grief. Don't be shy to cry or talk about the way you feel about the situation.
  5. Keep busy. Take your dog for a walk, go see your far away relatives, go take a tour of the White House, go shopping. Do things you love that will keep you busy so you don't have time to think of the person who hurt you.
    • Rearrange your furniture. Especially if you had an intimate relationship, rearrange your bedroom. Wash your sheets, get a new couch. You'll be distracted by moving everything, and when it's all done, your house will look fresh, and it won't look the same as when the person who hurt you was there.
    • Listen to good breakup songs. For example: Picture to Burn-Taylor Swift, I Will Survive-Gloria Gaynor.
  6. Pamper yourself. Go to the spa, indulge in a new purchase, indulge once or twice to remember you're still important and you don't need a that person, you're doing fine by yourself.
  7. Party and flirt when ready. Flirting and partying are a good way to help you get off your feet, meet some new people, have a good time at the party/club, and getting ready are all fun ways to help keep you distracted.
  8. Move on. It is vital to put the pain away and move on with your life and love. It might be hard but it's worth it. Otherwise, you are giving away your power to the people who hurt you.

Overcoming a broken heart from a family member

  1. Try to find forgiveness in your heart. Losing faith in or being disappointed by a family member you feel responsible for or care deeply about can be a harrowing experience. However, for your own sake, it's important to try forgiveness toward this person.
  2. Let go. In many cases, the best thing that you can do is let that person go their own way and hope that blood ties will restore them to you when they're ready or over whatever has caused the rift.
  3. Seek help. Talk to someone you can trust, and perhaps seek counseling if you're having a hard time getting over what has led to this broken heart.
    • Talk to other affected family members. A burden shared can be a burden lightened and hearing or learning about different perspectives of the situation may help you to see things differently.
  4. Give an olive branch of peace if you have the strength. Reach out to this family member some time down the track when you feel able to. Realize that it may be rejected but be reassured that you have at least tried.

Overcoming a broken heart from a failed project

  1. Accept that you put your heart and soul into something you really cared about. Acknowledging that you have it your best is part of realizing that you are a good person who does well, but you often cannot control other people or outcomes.
  2. Let yourself feel emotional about it. While a failed project isn't a person, it still feels very much a part of you, especially when you've put a lot of yourself into. It's normal to feel hurt, disappointed and down about the loss or failure. Give yourself time to process what has happened and to feel less bonded to it.
    • Use some of the distraction suggestions from method 1 above.
  3. Seek to understand what caused the failure of your project. Facing the facts can help you learn from the experience for next time. Some reasons might include:
    • Were other people involved in its creation? If so, did they hamper it, take it over or claim it as their own? Whatever their involvement, realize that people play all sorts of games and sometimes aren't as supportive as they might seem.
    • Was there insufficient time or too few resources at the heart of its failure?
    • Did you feel competent enough or perhaps in need of more learning?
  4. Move on to new projects. Use the learning you've gained from your analysis from what has happened to avoid possible pitfalls next time. Most of all, learn how to steer clear of the very things that lead to breaking your heart where your work input is involved, so that you can be stronger and wiser each time ahead.

Tips

  • Don't feel like it's your fault when somebody breaks up with you.It's their loss, not yours.
  • It's okay to cry when you're hurt, don't try to hold it back, but don't always be gloomy, try to be up and bubbly and happy.
  • Always stay positive, never think about what you did wrong, this about what they did wrong, and that, is hurting you.

Warnings

  • And remember how vulnerable you are right now--don't fall for the same person with a different name.
  • When you don't think about that person for at least three days in a row, then it's probably okay to date again.
  • Don't get into a serious relationship right after you were hurt.
  • Don't eat junk food to help, you might gain weight and that will make you more depressed.

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