Maintain a Friendship After a Kiss

Sometimes things happen between friends that step over the boundaries of mere friendship. One common thing to happen between friends is a kiss. Kisses are normal when people have intimate feelings for one another or are just excited and in the mood for physical contact. Sometimes kisses might happen because we are emotional for some reason and just act on our feelings without thinking. Regardless of the reason, many people want to just remain friends after a kiss. Luckily, with clear communication and some effort, you and your friend will remain friends after your kiss.

Steps

Communicating after the Kiss

  1. Take a break if you feel you need one. For many people, it might be helpful to put a little distance between them and the friend they kissed. Putting a little distance between you might give you the strength and the perspective needed to continue the friendship.
    • Take a break for a month or so if you think you need a "cool down" period.
    • If you want to take a break, make sure you let your friend know about it. You don't want to just disappear, that might hurt your friendship. Try saying something like, "I feel pretty confused after we kissed, and I need a little time. I still want to be your friend, but it would be good for me if we took a break for the next month."
    • If you want to continue seeing your friend, try to avoid spending one-on-one time with them.
    • Consider avoiding certain activities with your friend for a while, such as drinking or any other activities in which both of your inhibitions might be lowered.[1]
  2. Talk about it. The first thing you should do after the kiss is talk about it. Talking about what happened is the first step in making sure you can maintain your friendship. Ultimately, your discussion will let you both agree upon how you want to act and how you want to proceed.
    • Share your feelings about what happened. Say something like, "I feel we really need to talk about what happened."
    • Discuss your concerns about what it means for your friendship. Say something like, "I'm worried that the kiss might hurt us as friends."
    • Let each other know if you have deep and sincere feelings that go beyond friendship. If either of you do, it is best to know how the other feels. This way you’ll both move forward as friends with full knowledge of how the other person feels.[2]
  3. Come to an agreement. After you’ve talked about the kiss, you should both come to an agreement about how you want to handle it and move forward. Coming to an agreement will enable you both to know how you should both act.
    • In your agreement, you should both try to come to an understanding about how you want to move forward as friends.
    • Try to agree upon how you’ll handle the kiss in terms of telling other friends.
    • Try to agree upon how you’ll want to maintain the relationship going forward.
    • Try to establish some boundaries, like no more kisses or less physical contact.[3]
  4. Continue to communicate. While your initial conversation might have solved a lot of problems and set the tone for a continued friendship, one or both of you might still be confused about your relationship. At the same time, one or both of you might still have some feelings for each other. This is why it is essential to continue communication in order to avoid confusion.
  5. Continue being open and honest about your feelings. Say something like, "I think we should be completely open about how we feel about the kiss and each other."
    • If your friend wants to talk to you, encourage them to do so.
    • If it works for your relationship, talk about your feelings on a regular basis. This could be weekly, or it could be more frequent.[4]

Behaving after the Kiss

  1. Abide by your understanding. After you’ve communicated, come to an agreement, and worked out any confusion, you need to abide by the understanding you’ve both come to. This will prevent any awkward situations.
    • Try to internalize what your friend said in your prior conversations. If you’ve both agreed to just “be friends,” then you should both act as friends would.
    • If you still hold feelings for your friend, resist the temptation to act on them. Remember, you both came to an agreement to be friends. If you both wanted to enter a relationship, you would have agreed to do so.
    • Remember that the kiss was a one-time thing. Your goal is to be friends.[5]
  2. Act as normal as you can around the person. Acting normal is key to maintaining your friendship. If you act awkward or treat your friend differently, it could endanger your relationship.
    • There is no need to act all nervous afterwards or avoid the other person. It happened normally, so act normally.
    • If you’re nervous or feel awkward around your friend, talk to your friend about it.
    • Being nervous or feeling awkward after a kiss is normal.[6] Try taking a few deep breaths and remind yourself that the nervousness or awkwardness will fade with time.
  3. Stay friends. Perhaps the most important thing you need to do to stay friends is to do just that — stay friends. If you stay friends, and try to act the way you did before the kiss, your chances of maintaining the friendship are relatively high.
    • Continue to talk to your friend as this includes confiding and sharing your feelings and thoughts as you did before
    • Continue to do things together. You should try to continue doing the activities you did together before the kiss.
    • Continue to view each other as friends. If you don’t view the person as a friend anymore, there will be no way to stay friends.[6]

Dealing with Others

  1. Avoid sharing information with others. An important thing to remember is to avoid sharing information about the kiss with other people. Sharing details about the kiss, or telling others about conversations you’ve had about it, will only endanger your relationship. Remember, the kiss and the post-kiss conversations were done in trust.
    • By not sharing, you’ll eliminate the possibility of gossip that could hurt or offend either of you.
    • Avoid involving others in the post-kiss discussions. It is best to deal with the situation by yourselves.
    • The only way you should tell others about the kiss or the post-kiss conversation is if both of you agree to do so.[7]
  2. Resist the urge to be jealous. Ultimately, one or both of you might wind up in a relationship shortly after your kiss. While it is perfectly natural to feel a little bit jealous of the other person’s new squeeze, you need to keep those feelings in check and resist jealousy as much as you can. In the end, being jealous or resentful will only undermine your friendship.
    • Don’t act out or be passive aggressive toward your friend after they’ve entered a new relationship.
    • Tell yourself that you want your friend to be happy. If their new partner makes them happy, this should make you happy.
    • Treat your friend’s new love interest as a friend as well. Being mean will only endanger your relationship
    • If you have any concerns or issues with your friend’s new love interest, it is best to keep the thoughts to yourself or to discuss it with your friend.[8]
  3. Maintain activities with mutual friends. An important part of staying friends is that you need to continue your relationship in the context of your social circle. This means that you should continue to do things with each other and with your other friends.
    • Continue to do the same activities you’ve done before. If this includes going to the movies together (with other friends), do so.
    • Don’t try to win over or steal a friend in order to get someone on your side if you think the friendship is going south.
    • If you were the one who previously invited friends to certain activities, continue to invite everyone and don’t exclude the person you kissed.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.latimes.com/home/la-hm-affairs-20150926-story.html
  2. ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_100/120_dating_tips.html
  3. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/staying-friends-when-a-relationship-doesnt-work/
  4. ↑ http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2012/5/4/sex-in-friendships-friendship-after-sex.html
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201112/accidental-kiss-between-friends-can-it-be-forgiven
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maria-burnham/making-out-with-friends-s_b_1590742.html
  7. ↑ http://www.newlovetimes.com/8-reasons-why-you-should-never-kiss-and-tell/
  8. ↑ http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/my-friends-dont-like-my-boyfriend-or-girlfriend.
Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Maintain_a_Friendship_After_a_Kiss&oldid=323532"