React After Saying "I Love You"
It's like the movies. The waves are lapping at the shore or the city twinkles with Christmas lights. Maybe not. Someone has just told you that they love you and is listening nervously, excitedly and hopefully for your reply. Here's what to do.
Steps
Prepare a Response
- If you're reading this article there's a pretty good chance you're in a situation where you think that there three important words might be coming in your direction in the near future. Prepare a response:
- Ask yourself if you love them. Clarify your feelings for them in your own mind.
- Prepare a response based on your feelings. There's no need to learn off a speech and carry around your notes in case they 'fess their feelings. However, especially if your answer isn't an outright 'Yes, me too, me too', it is important to have the right words in the moment. Having a few lines roughly planned out will smooth over the awkwardness.
- Give a moment's thought as to how you will reply through body language. Do not give them false hope if you're not interested or not sure. A genuine smile and touching them on the arm or hand shows you're touched but you're not about to rush into their arm either.
- Clarify the situation if love isn't on the cards. That doesn't mean telling them straight out that you're not in love with them. Mention how they're a great friend and are really special to you. Perhaps you're glad you met them and you really like them (but that's it as of now!). You'll know what's appropriate. Make it clear what they do mean to you and make them feel valued but clarify the situation of you think you're on a different page to each other.
What Do I Say?
- The key phrases are 'I'm flattered...', a genuine 'Thank you' and a straight response.
- You think: "I'm not ready to say 'I love you' but I'm getting there". You might say Thank you Keanu (no exclamation mark implied)and give them a gentle smile. Make eye contact! It my not be their dream reaction but if you pull it off they will know that their feelings are appreciated, they haven't made a fool of themselves and that they have a chance. When the air has cooled a little you can say something along the lines of how you really like them or give them a meaningful kiss.
- You think: "I really don't love him/her, it isn't going to happen". Say that you are very flattered but not interested. Do nothing crazy, like crying or running away. Always stay very calm and treat the person well so as to not hurt their feelings.
- You think: "I want to be friends, I really do but just friends. Period." If they are a friend t it must be handled very carefully because there will be a lot of emotion in the air. Say that you are flattered and how you think of them as a beautiful person, inside and out, but that you just don't feel that way. Be firm. (A sidenote- this is not something that can be joked about, not for now at least. Be sensitive.)
- Always remember to be polite and respectful of their feelings. After all, it must of taken a lot of courage to approach you like that.
- Show that you appreciate their courage. 'Eh...thanks?' is not good enough. A genuine 'Thank you Tom' with a smile and a hug isn't the response they might have wanted but if you're not ready to say 'I love you' it's the next best thing.
- There will be a bit of awkwardness. Life isn't the movies after all. It's your job to improve the mood. Do not rush away from the situation. A lot can be said in a meaningful silence if there are good feelings on both sides and they need a minute to gather themselves together. If possible move along to a different room or bring the topic around to something they really like. Don't act like things are normal; they're not. Do give them your undivided attention and make them feel valued if there are feelings. If you're flat out refused, move to a group of people to dilute the situation. If there are feelings on both sides, spend some time in private enjoying each others' company.
Tips
- Someone telling you they love you is really flattering but you don't have to say you love them if you don't want to. You don't owe them anything if you feel differently.
Warnings
- If you think that they could react angrily or violently to rejection make sure to stay in touch with someone who can come to your aid and in a public place if you think that 'those words' are on the horizon.
