Know when You Love Him or Her

When you love someone, you want them to love you in return. Sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference between loving someone and just liking someone as a friend. When it’s love, however, there are specific signs that will tell you whether you've found love or just infatuation.

Steps

Seeking Approval

  1. Ask your friends for feedback. When you love someone, immediately you want to introduce them to your friends. When you do introduce them, ask your friends for their honest opinions about your love interest. Your friends might be able to be more objective than you and help you identify whether you seem in love or merely infatuated.
    • It’s important before embarking on a new relationship to have at least some approval from your friends. Your friends know you and care about you, and it’s a red flag if everyone but you is skeptical of your new love.
  2. Be sure your family likes them. As with your friends, your family can help you discern whether your crush is a good fit for you and whether what you’re experiencing is love. Love builds you up and is long-lasting. Lust or a passing crush fades, and your family can help you tell the difference.
    • Ask your parents, grandparents, or aunts and uncles how they knew that they found the right person. Their unique stories might help you get a better understanding of whether your own situation is love or something else.
  3. Be a better person because of them. When being around this person makes you want to be the best person you can be, it is a sign of love.
    • For example, if this person makes you want to better yourself by working out or taking up a mutual hobby that interests both of you, it’s a sign that you love them. Wanting to improve yourself for someone often means that you love them.
    • Note that this is not the same as loving someone who is trying to change you into someone you’re not. It’s healthy to want to better yourself to be the best possible partner for someone you love. It’s a red flag if someone you love is trying to force you to change instead of loving you for you.
  4. Apologize and mean it. When you accidentally hurt someone you love, you will apologize and mean it. If you don’t really love the person, your apology might feel half-hearted. Truly wanting forgiveness and meaning it when you apologize is a sign that this person means a lot to you and you’re in love.[1]
  5. Be yourself around them. Once you’re past the initial “crush” phase, if you find that you can be yourself around this person, that’s a good sign that you’re in love. When you can let down your guard and that person still accepts you as you are, you can be confident that you’re in love.[2]
    • If you feel comfortable enough to leave your makeup at home or wear pajamas for a movie night, for example, that’s a sign that you’re comfortable being yourself in the relationship and secure with your love.

Putting Them First

  1. Choose to do things for them. Performing acts of service is a clear way to demonstrate love for someone. If you find yourself wanting to do things for your partner just for the purpose of making them happy, that’s a good indicator that you’re in love with them.[3]
    • For example, if you know that your crush hates to do the dishes, so you opt to do the dishes simply so they won’t have to do a chore that they hate, you probably love the person.
  2. Think of them first. True love isn’t selfish. If you find yourself in a relationship where you ask yourself what you’ll get out of it, then you’re probably not in love with the person. However, if you find yourself thinking of the other person’s wants and needs before your own, that’s a sign that you’re in love.
    • Going shopping or attending sporting events with your crush, even when they're not your favorite things to do, are signs that you love them. Going the extra mile for our partner is something we do when we're truly in love.
  3. Envision long-term plans with them. When you have a passing attraction to someone, it’s really hard to picture your future with that person. When you love someone, though, it’s easy to imagine them as a part of your future plans. In fact, it’s often hard to picture your future without them in it![3]
    • Consider whether you have similar life goals. For example, do you want children with this person? Can you envision taking care of this person in old age? If you think of long term questions like these and find that you want your partner to be a permanent part of your life, then that means you're likely in love with them.[1]
  4. Have an attraction to them. Of course, physical attraction can’t be the only factor to decide whether you love someone, but overall attraction is an important consideration. If you find yourself attracted to someone physically, mentally, and emotionally, that’s a good sign that you’re in love with them.
  5. Avoid hateful fighting. All couples have disputes, but if you love your partner, then you will fight fair and avoid purposely hurting them. You might be more careless with friends, family, or even a temporary fling, but if you’re in love with someone, you’ll take their feelings into account, even during fights.[1]

Wanting to Have Them Close

  1. Spend time with them. When you love someone, you want to spend as much time as possible with them. You hate to see them leave, even if only for a little while.[4]
  2. Miss them during the day. Even small things like trips to the grocery store together or gardening side by side seem fun when you’re in love. Pay attention to whether you love spending time with them or if you feel relief when they leave. If it’s really love, you’ll be sad to see them go.
  3. Feel a little jealous. When you love someone, you’ll feel slight jealousy. You don’t want them to be with anyone else, so this is a natural emotion. Slight jealousy is completely normal and shows that you love them and want that feeling to be mutual.
    • Possessiveness and suspicion are not the same as feeling little twinges of jealousy when your crush spends time away from you. These are indicative of insecurity and are never good for a relationship.[4]
  4. Become best friends. When you like someone, you probably like hanging out with them, but when you truly love someone, you develop a “best friends” kind of connection with them. You don’t get tired of their company. You connect with them on a deeper level and share personal, intimate details of your life that you don’t share with everyone.[2]
    • A close, personal friendship with your partner is an indicator that you are in love with them. If you support each other and still challenge each other to grow spiritually and mentally, that's a sign of deep love.[2]
  5. Don't always be on the hunt for love. Avoid constantly looking for someone to love. You'll know when you find someone you truly love, and it'll feel natural. You can't rush or force love.
    • Don't feel like you have to find romantic love to be happy, and avoid clinging to someone who doesn't reciprocate your love.

Tips

  • Always pay attention to the discrepancies between what a person says and how they act. It’s better to be with someone who says little but treats you lovingly than someone who praises you endlessly but behaves thoughtlessly.

Related Articles

Define Love Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust Determine if the One You Love Loves You Be Loved

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/18-signs-youve-found-your-soulmate.html
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/26/finding-soulmate_n_5501502.html
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.livescience.com/33720-13-scientifically-proven-signs-love.html
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love
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