Say I Love You Without Words

We feel love in many relationships. Family bonds and friendships are full of love that needs to be maintained and nurtured. Even more commonly, we think of love as the romantic bond between two people. Whether you’re in a new relationship and afraid to say it outloud, or your love has endured the test of time, showing your love without saying “I love you” can be great for your relationship. Letting your actions speak will make the words that much stronger when you do say them!

Steps

Saying I Love You by Being Present

  1. Listen to your partner. Regardless of what point you are in a relationship, or what relationship you have with a person, everyone wants to feel valued. One of the clearest ways to show someone that you love them is to actively listen to what they have to say. Put away any distractions, make eye contact with the other person, and show that you care.[1]
    • You should talk back when it is your turn to talk, but don’t interrupt the person.
  2. Go to bed together. Even if days are super busy, going to bed with your partner can allow you at least a little intimate time together each night. It allows the two of you to have pillow talk to cuddle up before going to sleep (or while sleeping even). Making an effort to wrap up your evening and go to bed with your partner is a great way to say that you love them.[2]
  3. Wake up together. While you may be on a different schedule than your partner, it speaks volumes if the two of you wake up together. Having time for a cup of coffee together (or even better a full breakfast) before the day starts can really show that you are going the extra mile to say “I love you.”[2]
    • Even if one of you goes back to sleep after the other leaves or starts working, that is fine. Just making the effort to spend those few moments together is what is important.
  4. Make time to support their endeavours. Since every relationship and every person is different, you and your partner may or may not be in the same career field or enjoy all of the same things in your free time. That being said, it is important that you support each other by showing up to big events. This might be going as a date to your partner’s business meeting or dinner, or something going to watch them play in a tennis match. What is important here is that you show up to support your partner both at home and in public.[3]
    • It is also a nice gesture to be supportive on days that aren’t big events. For example, you might surprise your partner by stopping in at the office with their favorite lunch one day. Just be careful not to do this everyday or take it to an overbearing extreme.

Saying I Love You by Staying Connected

  1. Touch each other throughout the day. Physical touch is an important part of relationships. It builds trust and intimacy. Remember to do things like kiss your partner, or hold their hand on a walk. Also, TV time can be great for cuddling up together.[3][4]
  2. Cuddle at night. Many people do not like to cuddle while they sleep. Luckily, this is optional. What you should do, however, is carve out a few minutes each night before sleep to cuddle. This has been shown to help build and maintain a healthy connection between partners and allows each person their own space to sleep afterward (if needed).[3]
    • This kind of intimacy is also shown to lead to a healthier sex life.
  3. Talk to each other openly. Asking each other about the day is a great place to start. You also need to carve out time to listen to your partner’s thoughts and have a deep conversation from time to time. The other side of being open is expressing when you disagree with your partner, and this should be done respectfully. Talk to your partner as if they are someone you love and care about, even when you disagree. This really shows your partner that you love them.[4]
    • Note that you are using words in this step. Communicating is an important part of any relationship, but they way you communicate with your partner can show love without explicitly saying “I love you.”
    • For example, your partner might say something like “I had a strange dream last night.” To this, you could respond with something that shows your care and interest, like “I don’t really remember my dream from last night. What was yours about?”
  4. Text or call each other for no reason. This can be especially important for long distance relationships, but makes a huge impact on all relationships. Sending your partner a text or giving them a call when you have a minute or two extra shows that you are thinking of them and that you want to talk to them. Knowing that they cross your mind throughout the day will make your partner feel loved and appreciated.
    • You might text or call your partner for something as simple as to say “I’m having pizza for dinner. Are you having anything good?” This shows that you are interested in sharing the minute details of your day with your partner, and also hearing about theirs.
  5. Do things together. This can be tricky sometimes. Of course you should do things that you both enjoy together, but what about other things? It is important to do things with your partner that they enjoy, even if it isn’t your favorite pastime. Keep in mind, that your partner should do the same for you. This helps you both bond and learn more about each other.[5]

Saying I Love You with Gifts

  1. Make your partner a gift. There is nothing wrong with buying a gift from the store, but the thought and time that goes into making a gift for someone can really say “I love you.” Think about things that are special in your relationship to incorporate into a gift. It can be something as simple as framing pictures from a vacation, or as involved as building your partner a piece of furniture. This is an instance where the thought really does count.[3]
  2. Give them something that they can’t find easily. Maybe your partner had a favorite toy when they were growing up, or they love a certain brand of honey that isn’t available where you live. Go out of your way to try and find a special something for your loved one and they will really appreciate the effort. Not only are you giving them a gift, but you are also showing how well you know them and how much you listen to them.[3]
  3. Give gifts freely. While each partner should contribute in any kind of relationship, you shouldn’t expect the immediate reciprocation of a gift. With holidays like Christmas or anniversaries as exceptions, your partner may not even know that you intend to give a gift. Allow them to appreciate you and give them time to put back into the relationship.

Saying I Love You with Small Gestures

  1. Leave your partner a note. This is a great way to brighten your partner’s day. You could leave a note on the bedside table, or slip it in their lunch bag. When your partner finds the note, they know that you were thinking ahead of time to make their day special.[5]
    • Though leaving a note is technically using words, but it shows a degree of consideration that goes beyond just saying “I love you.”
  2. Do a chore you wouldn’t normally do. In most relationships, the chores generally end up split in some way. Even if it starts by accident, somebody will probably end up being the kitchen cleaner and someone will end up being the car washer. From time to time you can go out of your way to do one of the tasks that your partner usually does. This shows them that you notice their efforts and want to help.[2]
  3. Do a the things they hate doing. Aside from keeping up you end of things, it means a lot if you always do the thing your partner hates doing. This might mean doing dishes or cleaning the toilet. It doesn’t matter what the task is, your partner will appreciate that you are willing to do it for them because you love them.[4]
  4. Surprise your partner. All too often we let our relationships get dull. We fall into a routine and we sacrifice spontaneity in the name of survival. This is pretty normal, and a schedule can be a great thing. That being said, you should break the rules from time to time and surprise your partner. This can be as simple as stopping by the store and picking up their favorite movie and a bottle of wine, or booking a hotel room for a weekend (or midweek) getaway.[2]
    • Even just being playful or surprising your partner with a hug can make a difference.
    • Do plan your surprise to some extent. If you are going to have a special evening or weekend for your significant other, make sure that they will be free.

Tips

  • Remember that relationships are not static things. They are constantly changing and adapting to the life you live. Be sure to nurture all of your relationships regularly.
  • Not all relationships are the same. While these steps provide a great foundation for showing someone you love them, they will look different when applied to one relationship versus another.
  • Communicate with your loved ones!

Warnings

  • Sometimes, your act of love may go unnoticed or even unappreciated. While you might need to talk to your partner, don’t take it personally. It may just be that your partner was extremely busy or stressed and didn't notice, or that your partner wasn’t feeling up that particular activity.
  • Do not stop your partner from reciprocating. People feel good when they are allowed to give, as well as take.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://experiencelife.com/article/the-six-best-gifts-you-can-give-your-partner/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/09/10-ways-to-say-i-love-you-without-words-tawny-sanabria/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201201/10-ways-say-i-love-you-without-saying-i-love-you
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/01/10/8-small-ways-to-show-your-spouse-some-love/
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-gratitude/201304/10-ways-express-love
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