Stop Waiting for Prince Charming

Most girls and even some women from time to time daydream about being swept away by a handsome, wealthy man and living happily ever after. But it is wise to make sure you realize the difference between a fairy tale and real life. The idea of Prince Charming has qualities that are worth honoring, but there is a lot of danger in taking it too seriously.

Steps

  1. Consider what is meant by Prince Charming. Who is this guy, anyway? Ever notice that "Prince Charming" shows up in several fairy tales? It is true! (Note: Disney movies do not count. These stories pre-date movies by centuries.) Unlike main characters like Snow White, Prince Charming tends to be poorly described and has a rather shallow role. Fairy tales such as Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty tend to bring in "Prince Charming" last minute and within a sentence or two live happily ever after. But other than that, we do not hear much about what he is like.
    • Do you really want a husband that is handsome, wealthy, but otherwise not noteworthy?
    • Is he in many princess stories? If he is, does that mean he was unfaithful to one or more princesses?
  2. Remember, you are not a princess--and frankly, that is a good thing. Being a princess in the Middle Ages was not easy, and came with a lot of restrictions and not a lot of power. For example:
    • Your one real function was typically as a pawn for your father to build alliances through marriage. What you thought about any future spouses was not a factor. Whether your betrothed turned out to be 6 months old or 60 years old was likely immaterial.
    • You were likely monitored every moment, and not allowed any boyfriends.
    • You could be forced into a convent. Noble females who were not married off for some reason were often placed in abbeys. It did not matter if this was something you wanted. Your parents could have you live in a convent your entire life.
    • Assassinations were a popular political move. This could mean your life could be at risk if politics are against you.
    • You may not live a life of luxury as you expect. The modern standard of living is so much higher than in the Middle Ages, we forget that we almost all live like royalty by comparison. The average princess in Europe did not have flush toilets, chocolate, ibuprofen, cell phones, ice cream, and so on. Forget about modern medicine, too.
    • Your father, mother, brother (if he was your guardian), or husband could legally beat you. You could not own your own property in most European countries. You could not divorce if you were in a bad marriage.
    • You had very little control over your destiny. There were remarkable princesses throughout history who did rise above conventions of the day. However, your life by and largely determined by your birth and sex, and not by your desires, skills, ambitions, athleticism, or anything else. Your fate was typically determined either by your father or husband who who had complete authority over you.
  3. Figure out who Prince Charming is to you. For quite a few romantically inclined girls and women, Prince Charming is the idealized male who will take you away to his castle, fulfill your every need, and otherwise live "happily ever after". He by nature will Look Handsome (Boys), and be focused solely on you.
    • Prince Charming, by nature is supposed to be "perfect". There is nothing wrong with fantasizing a bit about being loved by an idealized man. However, the danger is that this impossible dream can blind you to reality. You may miss out on great romances if you hold every potential future mate to an impossibly high standard. You may also be terribly unfair, expecting your partner to expect nothing from you, when relationships require give and take.
    • Being wealthy is a great goal, but few of us will achieve that. However, wealth does not guarantee happiness. Also, by pining for someone to provide for you financially, you may miss the fact that you can shift for yourself. You do not have to have someone do it for you.
    • Prince Charming is a figure that rescues the princess, rather than the princess saving herself. Although the princess has to endure hardship, and do things to get herself out of the situation, it is ultimately Prince Charming that does it for her in the end. Cinderella for instance, has to wait for the prince to put on the glass slipper. This is a very old message that tells girls to wait in silence rather than be proactive.
  4. Create your own joy and source of fulfillment. Prince Charming isn't the answer to your lackluster life. You're responsible for your own entertainment, your own hobbies, your own enjoyment in life. A woman who is able to demonstrate to a potential mate that she's got it all sorted out and is happily self-responsible is a very attractive prospect for a relationship because the man isn't likely to feel he has to be her reason for being. Seeing it from this perspective can be very useful as it clarifies that guys can be scared away from a needy, ill-defined personality with few dreams or goals in life. Unless that is, you'd like to live with a control freak...
  5. Stop waiting around to be rescued. Getting yourself out of your situation is hard work. It is easier to be passive and just hope someone notices your worth and comes to rescue you. But success and happiness tends to favor those who work hard and capitalize on whatever qualities they have.
    • Do you want a career? If so, start planning it out in stages and let your dreams run wild about where you want to be at certain stages of your life. Learn the skills necessary for achieving this, whether it is getting into law school or starting at poetry slams at the coffeehouse.
    • Do you want to be a Be a Stay at Home Mom? And you still need to be well-rounded, happy, and resourceful for the sake of your own sense of fulfillment and for the happiness of your family. Simply sitting around counting down the days and years until Prince Charming appears will cause this to be your only option rather than a self-directed choice, so at least consider doing some part-time work or volunteering to keep yourself involved in society and to give yourself broader chances of finding Mr. Right.
  6. Enjoy your friendships. Friends are an important part of a fulfilled life and people with friends tend to feel less loneliness and alienation. By spending time with your friends, you are building solid connections for the long-term, hopefully even for life, with people who will always be there for you through thick and thin. Including after Prince Charming has been... and gone... Spend time doing fun things with your friends and be there for them, listening to them and caring about their concerns and needs as much as your own.
    • For all you know, Prince Charming is attracted by a woman surrounded by friends. And that has to be a match made in heaven because a guy who embraces your friends from the very start is indeed charming.
    • Don't neglect your guy friends. They are equally as important as your girlfriends. Not only can you learn a lot by hanging around them and asking the questions you don't think appropriate to ask your girlfriends, but you get to see a very different perspective of love, romance, and all that mushy stuff that might just help to balance your unrealistic expectations a little. And you never know whether Prince Charming is hiding out among your best friends.
  7. Look after your own resources and needs before all else. Many girls continue to hold a belief that they will marry well and that this will take care of all the financial nitty-gritty in their lives so that they don't have to face up to planning finances with great clarity into their future.[1] This head-in-the sand approach is fantasizing and leaves you vulnerable to poor financial choices that can impoverish you. When Prince Charming either fails to materialize or does appear but isn't the wealthy benefactor able to take care of you in the way you've hoped, then things start looking grim. Over one-third to two-thirds of women in the 35 to 55 age bracket right now will be impoverished by the age of 70, with many women having to stay in the workforce until at least the age of 74 as a result of inadequate financial savings and pension coverage.[1]
    • Plan your Understand Personal Finance Basics and financial future as clearly and in as detailed a fashion as a man would do without question, and as someone who does give a care about her own financial needs down the track. This is not Prince Charming's role, it's totally yours. So, while you're waiting around for Prince Charming, establish the rules and boundaries about taking good financial care of you and decide now how you will ensure that this financial independence is sustained even after you've tied the knot.
  8. Map out what you really want out of a relationship. Think about how you will manage to practice "positive illusions" for years to come when your Prince Charming's personal habits start to grate on your nerves and yours on his but you still wish to remain content together and overlook the things that inevitably change...[2] Maintaining your independence and space are important parts of having a successful long-term relationship with another person.
    • Think about the realities beyond the Prince Charming myth and how these make you feel. Comforted? Scared? Worried? Reassured? Write down the ways that you can tackle anything that concerns you in an independent way, so that when Prince Charming does arrive, he's a bonus, not a savior.
  9. Have a good laugh about the whole Prince Charming thing. Women are sold a bit of a myth when it comes to the whole Prince Charming concept but instead of seeing this in negative terms, it's a fantastic opportunity to teach yourself about having perspective, to think critically about the social tales fed to women, and to learn to have a sense of humor about something that can sometimes be taken a little too seriously. Prince Charming makes for great novels written by bored authors sitting alongside a chocolate box and he's a fantastic source of mid-afternoon dreaming on a lazy summer's day but really, wake up! Think about how this perspective serves you as a modern woman. Does it, really? Is this romantic vision likely to keep you happy and secure into your old age, or will you be happier and more secure focusing on being resourceful and capable yourself, regardless of what life throws at you?
    • Start imagining Prince Charming as a part of your humor repertoire; something you pull out when you want to make your girlfriends laugh or to cheer yourself up a bit about the dry spells between relationships but don't see it as anything too serious.
    • There really is no such thing as a "Prince Charming." There is no perfect man, just as there is no perfect woman. Saying that you will only choose "perfect men" can be a cop-out. It can make you avoid having to deal with the fact that your boyfriend is not perfect. It is easier sometimes just to get so picky that you overlook what is in front of you.
  10. Remember that Prince Charming comes.....after everything else. Life goes on regardless of whether or not you've found Prince Charming, lost Prince Charming, or have had Prince Charming turn into a couch potato frog before your very eyes. Understanding as soon as possible that life is more than the sum of your Prince Charming dream will liberate you to expect a lot more from life and a lot less from Prince Charming. So, what are you waiting for? Life beckons...

Tips

  • Present yourself well at all times. The world sees you even if you want to shrink away and mourn your singledom. Enjoy smiling and looking great at any age and you'll attract many friends and admirers as well as feeling confident.
  • Never change for any guy. Every single girl in this world has a unique personality and is beautiful in her own way. Cinderella was loved just the way she was, and you will be too.
  • Love yourself through maintaining high self-esteem. That way you will always respect yourself and not get yourself into untenable scrapes with guys who aren't worth your time of day.
  • Stop looking, start living! They'll be attracted to your genuine smile!
  • Be real and consider making the first move. That good looking but shy fellow could be just right for you even though he's afraid to approach you. IF you get nervous about that, remember that a lot of guys get just that scared even of striking up a conversation with someone good looking. It's a natural human reaction to the risk of rejection and gets easier with the number of successes you have.

Warnings

  • Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Prince Charming might be ugly in the conventional sense of what is considered handsome at any given time. If you're deluded by the "perfect image" of a guy from cartoons, fairy tale books, or the movies, it's quite possible you've already overlooked Prince Charming. Banish your unrealistic expectations and open your eyes some more.

Things You'll Need

  • Savings account, varied investments, and a financial plan
  • Career or life plan
  • Friends
  • Common sense

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Liz Perle, Money: A Memoir, p. 65, (2006), ISBN 978-0-312-42627-9
  2. ↑ Helen Fisher, How to make the romance last, p. 162, in Love Your Life: O's Handbook for Your Best Today–and Tomorrow, (2010), ISBN 0-8487-3365-7
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