Tell Him You Love Him
You can't stop thinking about him. You see stars when he looks at you. You feel like he knows you better than anyone. You love him — but how will you tell him? This is never an easy conversation to have, but with a few basic steps to get you started, you can start expressing the way you really feel.
Steps
Before You Tell Him
- Gauge your relationship. Before professing love for someone else, it is important to determine how the other person feels about you and how your relationship is going. The "L word" can create some strong emotions, so you want to be careful about who you say it to. Try to reserve it for people you have an intimate, enjoyable relationship with. If the relationship is fairly new, it might not be the best time to jump into "I love you's."
- When gauging your relationship, actions will tell you more than words can. Does he always seem to want to be around you? Do you feel like things are just more fun when you're with him? Would you give the world for him? These are all signs that love may be appropriate to bring up.
- Make sure he knows you like him. An "I love you" confession shouldn't be an absolute surprise. Make sure the person you're smitten with at least knows that you like him. In other words, you should already have some sort of romantic connection. Subtle but romantic hints like cuddling during a late night movie, kissing his forehead, and locking eyes when he's telling you about his day are good signs of affection to start with. If he's comfortable with these, discussing love may be out of the question.
- Like the acts of affection above, you'll usually want to reserve "love" for your boyfriend or significant other. While some relationships start with a profession of love between two people that aren't in a relationship, this is less common.
- Put a little planning into your confession. Make sure it'll be somehow where you're both alone. Other people being around will only increase your anxiety. You don't have to plan to be at a cheesy "rom-com" setting like an ocean cliff, but it shouldn't be in a dirty alleyway either. Someplace reasonably romantic, like a private spot at a scenic park, should do.
- Make sure you're completely sober ahead of time so there are no Freudian slips.
- Have no expectations. when it comes to love, there are no rules. Each relationship is unique. Some couples can say they love each other within hours of meeting. For others it may take years. No one knows you, your partner and the relationship better than you do. Use your best judgment and plan to speak from the heart. Once you've made up your mind, try to think of the consequences — good or bad. If it goes well, great. If it doesn't, at least you got it off your chest.
- Here is a good rule of thumb for figuring out whether you have too high of expectations: Imagine that you confessed your love and he told you he didn't love you back. Would you still want to have said it? If you wouldn't, then you may not be ready to utter those three little words.
Revealing Your Feelings
- Stay calm and confident. The behavior of the person saying "I love you" sets the tone for the conversation. If you are nervous and meander by saying things like, "I've got something to tell you but I don't know how," or "I'm not sure if I should tell you this," it makes the discussion more "serious." Instead, things should flow smoothly and casually into the topic. Butterflies in your stomach are normal, but doing your best to stay cool will make things much easier.
- If you have decided to say "I love you," say it like you mean it. There is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. He should respect you for being open and honest.
- Wait for an appropriate moment. Blurting out "I love you" in the middle of a conversation puts the other person on the spot and forces him to react in the heat of the moment. The guy you're talking to should not feel pressured to respond. Remember that you are looking for an honest exchange.
- Instead of expressing your love abruptly like in the example above, wait until you're both happy — for instance, after you share a laugh at a nice joke together. Then, say something like, "Hey, listen, I have something to tell you," and briefly preface your confession with a description of how you feel.
- Say it. This is the big moment. Say that you love this person to his face. Look directly into their eyes when you tell him and keep a straight face he knows that you're being serious.
- Substitutions for face-to-face conversation won't do here. No texting him it when he's in another room or getting a friend to tell him for you. Don't even do it over the phone.
- Wait for his response. Understand that a confession like this can be a lot to take in at once. Don't start panicking and having a nervous breakdown if he doesn't say "I love you too" instantly. He may need a few minutes to take a deep breath and let this new information sink in. Be patient. Respect the difficulty of the conversation as you allow him to gather his thoughts.
- Know that he may not come to a decision in front of you. If he's obviously having trouble, let him take some time on his own to think about it. He may say he loves you too ten minutes later. On the other hand, he may say it a week later.
- Accept his reaction. Eventually, your special guy will have a response for you. Respect his choice here — even if it's not exactly what you had in mind. No matter what, you were courageous for speaking your heart.
- If you got the response you wanted, beware — it may be followed by a heavy make-out session.
- On the other hand, if you get a "No," a "I just want to be friends," or something similar, don't worry. There are plenty of fish in the sea and there is going to be someone out who will love you. It's just not this person.
Tips
- Make sure you're always yourself. Don't be afraid to let him see you with your hair down and no makeup on.
- Don't bring up any talk of marriage and having children together just yet — it might scare him off.
- Don't ask a friend to break the news for you. The guy may not believe it. If he does, he may be confused or unimpressed that you didn't tell him yourself.
Related Articles
- Tell a Guy You Like Him
- Tell Your Best Friend's Boyfriend That You Don't Love Him in That Way
- Show a Shy Boy that You Like Him
- Tell if He Really Loves You
