Tell if You Are in Love

If you’re wondering about whether or not you’re in love, there are several ways to tell. The biological processes behind love cause physical side effects as well as subtle changes in your behavior. Paying close attention to yourself and how you interact with your partner can help you tell if you're in love.

Steps

Analyzing Your Feelings

  1. Take stock of your opinion on your partner. Obviously, examining how you feel about your partner can help you tell if you're in love. However, it's not always in ways you would consider. In addition to considering traditional factors like butterflies in your stomach, take note of how you feel about him or her as a person.
    • Do you think your partner is special? When in love, people tend to magnify positive qualities of another person while ignoring or overlooking the negative. You should think your partner is somehow objectively special and stands out from other people.[1]
    • Do you find yourself missing your partner a lot when you're apart, even for short periods? When people are in love, especially in the early stages, they want to be together all the time. How much you miss a person can relate to how fond you are of him or her. Think about how much you miss your partner. This can be a strong indicator of whether or not you're in love.[2]
    • Do you like your partner as a person? It sounds strange, but many people have lustful relationships that seem like romantic love with people they don't really like. When you're in love, you should think your partner has a desirable personality. An underlying friendship, or at least mutual liking, is an important predecessor to love.[2]
  2. Consider whether you support your partner's success. You should genuinely want your partner to succeed if you're in love. If you're in love with someone, you'll find yourself thrilled for his or her personal triumphs.
    • People often feel inferior in the face of the accomplishments of others, even close friends, but what's different about romantic love is that you don't feel this sense of inferiority when your partner succeeds.[2]
    • Even if you have not been successful or have suffered recent failures, you will still feel happiness at your partner's success. This is one way that romantic partners feel connected. Your partner's success should almost feel like your own.[2]
  3. Ask yourself if your partner factors into your decisions. When in love, people are more likely to base decisions around their partners. This doesn't just apply to major decisions, like whether to take a job or move to a new city. Even minor decisions may be based around your partner's tastes.
    • When in love, even daily priorities will make you think of your partner. When you get dressed in the morning, for example, you might find yourself picking an outfit you think your partner would like on you.[1]
    • You'll find yourself willing to experience new things based on your partner's interest. For example, you may suddenly want to go hiking if your partner enjoys it even though you're not normally an outdoors person. You may want to listen to music and watch movies outside the realm of your usual tastes just because your partner is interested in them.[1]
  4. Think about your future. When you're in love, you'll feel in it for the long term. When you dream about your own future, like a new job or moving to a new city, you will likely incorporate your partner into those dreams in some ways.[3][4]
    • If you want children, do you think about children with your partner? Do you consider whether he or she would be a good parent? Can you imagine having kids with another person or only with your partner? Have the two of you discussed children or the future? If so, it might be love.
    • Do you think about growing old with your partner? Do you like the idea of the two of you aging side-by-side? Do you imagine distant things, like retirement and 50th anniversaries?
    • When you make big decisions for your own future, does your partner factor in? Can you not picture moving to a new city or taking a new job without your partner's support or presence?
  5. Consider how you feel about your partner's flaws. While you magnify positive qualities during the early stages of love, eventually you will realize your partner is flawed. How you feel about his or her flaws can be an indicator of whether or not you're in love.
    • If you're comfortable admitting your partner has flaws, and can accept him or her despite them, this is a good sign. The idea of your partner as perfect only lasts so long and you should be able to accept bad qualities as well as good ones. Being able to accept negative things about your partner may help you stay committed to him or her.[5]
    • Are you able to talk to your partner about his or her flaws? Can the two of you laugh about them? Do you want to help your partner deal with his or her flaws if they're getting in the way of success? If you're invested in making your partner the best version of him or herself, this is a sign it may be love.
  6. See if the two of you compromise. When people are in love, they're willing to compromise. When you and your partner disagree, you should be able to reach decisions that are mutually beneficial to both of you. Love means wanting another person to feel comfortable and happy, so if you're in love you must be willing to compromise.[6]

Noticing Your Behavior

  1. See if you want others to like your partner. When you're in love with someone, you'll be invested in the impression they make on friends and family members. See how you feel when your partner meets people close to you. How much do you care whether they like this person?
    • Your social circle plays a big role in the success of your romantic relationship. Even if you really like someone, if your family or friends do not this creates tension. Therefore, if you're in love you'll be heavily infested in how your partner is perceived by others.[2]
    • If you find yourself paying close attention to how your friends and family members act around your partner, this is a good sign. It means you're invested in the success of the relationship and you may be in love.[2]
  2. Consider how you experience jealousy. Jealousy is actually a healthy component to a romantic relationship. However, how you experience jealousy is important.[7]
    • Evolutionarily speaking, jealousy makes sense. It means you're suspicious of potential threats which means you're committed to the success of your relationship. If you're in love, you may find yourself getting jealous of your partner's interactions with other people and feel somewhat possessive when you're out in public.[2]
    • However, jealousy can become toxic if it manifests itself in suspicion. Distrust is a sign you may not really be in love. Do you feel the need to check your partner's text messages and emails? If so, you might want to reevaluate your relationship.[2]
  3. Ask friends and family members whether you've changed. When you're in love, you'll find yourself changing. Small things, like your tastes, as well as big matters, like your life priorities, will alter when you're with your partner.
    • When you're in love, you'll take on new characteristics. You'll find yourself developing different tastes and things like your sense of humor and style may change slightly. You may not feel this difference, however, as it happens somewhat subtly.[2]
    • Ask people close to you, such as friends and family members, whether they've noticed you changing. Is your personality, tastes, or style at all different than it was when the relationship began? If the answer is yes, you may be in love.[2]
  4. See if you feel like you can express yourself. If you're in love with someone, you should feel loved in return. Many people describe feeling in love as feeling that another person understands them. If this is the case, you should have no trouble expressing yourself around your partner.[6]
    • Do you feel like you can talk about yourself and your problems without fear of judgment? Can you bring up negative emotions you're feeling, even selfish ones, without feeling your partner will think any less of you?
    • Do you feel like you can disagree with your partner, even on big matters? If you have different religious or political beliefs, for example, do you feel your partner respects your beliefs even when not sharing them ?
    • Are you comfortable being yourself around your partner? Can you use your own sense of humor, laugh, cry, and experience the full range of emotions around him or her?
  5. Consider whether you feel happy around your partner. While this might seem obvious, many people will realize they're not actually their happiest around their partner. While your partner should not be the only thing that brings you joy, you should experience excitement and genuine pleasure in his or her presence. Not every day needs to be absolutely thrilling, but you should look forward to seeing your partner and always find the two of you have fun together. Even little things, like watching television, can be made more enjoyable by your partner's presence.
    • This doesn't mean that you're blissfully happy every second of the time you two are together. Such an expectation isn't realistic; relationships are work, even between highly compatible people, and sometimes conflicts and disagreements happen. However, research suggests that the ratio of positive to negative experiences in successful relationships is about 20:1.[8] Basically, you should feel happy in your partner's presence more often than not.
    • Feeling consistently unhappy or distressed around your partner is one sign of a problematic relationship.[9]

Knowing Biological Signs

  1. Monitor your mental response. Your brain secretes three chemicals, phenethylamine, dopamine, and oxytocin, when you begin to fall in love. These chemicals have a major effect on your emotional behavior. [10][11] Dopamine in particular is associated with your brain's "reward" pathways, meaning feeling "in love" is something your brain enjoys and wants to experience more of.[12]
    • During the initial phases of love, you may notice a heightened mood, high self esteem, and a tendency to do things that are out of the ordinary for you. For example, you may be inspired to perform grand romantic gestures like buying expensive gifts.[12]
    • You may also find yourself preoccupied, constantly checking your phone, e-mail, or social media pages to see if this person has reached out to you in any way.[12]
    • You may also experience certain negative emotions. You may have a heightened fear of rejection and experience sudden moods. You may replay key moments over and over, worrying that your first kiss wasn't quite right or that you said something that sounds silly at dinner.
    • The mental response behind love can cause acute feelings of longing. If you feel acute longing, even after short periods apart, you may be in love.[1]
  2. Watch for physical changes. Due to the chemicals released by the brain during love, there are a number of physical responses as well. It might be love if you experience any of the following:
    • Increased energy
    • Loss of appetite
    • Trembling
    • A racing heart
    • Difficulty breathing[1]
  3. Be aware of your physical desires. Physically, you will experience desire for your partner. This should not be solely in the form of sexual desire but also manifested in a desire for touching and cuddling throughout the day.
    • Oxytocin is what drives your physical needs when you're in love. It's sometimes referred to as the cuddling hormone. You'll find yourself wanting to kiss, cuddle, and touch your partner throughout the day. You'll want to have a heavy amount of physical contact with this person at all times.[13]
    • While sex is an important component to falling in love with someone, it likely will not be the most important factor. Most people in love find that an emotional connection with their partner is more important than a merely sexual one. If you're in love, you will feel like your relationship is more than just sex.[1]

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 http://www.livescience.com/33720-13-scientifically-proven-signs-love.html
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6 2.7 2.8 2.9 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love
  3. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3830676/
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/dating-conversation-long-term-plans-or-one-night-stands
  5. ↑ http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2007.00162.x/abstract
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.campbell.edu/pdf/counseling-services/characteristics-of-healthy-romantic-relationships.pdf
  7. ↑ http://digitalcommons.unf.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1449&context=etd
  8. ↑ http://couplestraininginstitute.com/gottman-couples-and-marital-therapy/
  9. ↑ http://www.inamaegreene.org/universalRedflags.html
  10. ↑ http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/02/140206155244.htm
  11. ↑ http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v457/n7226/full/457148a.html
  12. ↑ 12.0 12.1 12.2 http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cne.20772/abstract?userIsAuthenticated=false&deniedAccessCustomisedMessage=
  13. ↑ http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091305713001688
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