Tell if Your Friends Are Getting Tired of You
Think you're losing your friends? Here are some signs you might want to watch out for, and then see how you might be able to change things.
Contents
Steps
Spotting the signs
- Determine if your friends are ignoring you. Some of the things in the following list may be signs that your friends are trying to distance themselves from you:
- Do they avoid listening to what you say, or turn away from you and have conversations with each other?
- Do they constantly hug each other when they meet but barely acknowledge your presence?
- Do they exclude you from group outings?
- Do they ask you to go away or quickly stop talking when you arrive and refuse to say what they were discussing?
- Do they seem to know things about upcoming activities together that you haven't been involved in talking about?
- Be aware of mean stuff they might be saying. Are they constantly putting you down? Do they make fun of what you're wearing, how you look, or the things you're doing? Friends do not mock or insult friends; this could be a serious sign that they're trying to exclude you.
- Consider whether something obvious has happened recently. For example, if you have had a fight with one or more of your friends, being excluded may be a sign of an attempt to divide the group and exclude you from it. There could also be something happening that is beyond your control, such as when a member of your family is experiencing troubles that other people in the community are responding to in an exclusionary way. For example, if a sibling or parent is arrested or is disgraced in some way, you might find that the parents of your friends are suggesting to them to stay away from you too. Understanding the wider context can sometimes help you to see why your friends might be distancing themselves.
- Listen up. Do you hear your friend spreading rumors about you or making comments behind your back? Gossiping is demoralizing and isn't something friends do.
- Are they constantly making excuses to get away, such as "I don't feel good", all the time? Excuses are a weak way of not saying openly what the person really thinks.
Dealing with your friends' behavior
- Be realistic. Don't kid yourself that they still are great friends even if they don't invite you out and act as though they are done with you.
- Watch out for if they call you nasty names then pretend it was only a joke or if they talk about you behind your back then ignore it. As already noted, friends don't do this; bullies do. Either call them on it or begin to extricate yourself from this so-called group of friends, realizing that their friendship isn't worth the high price.
- Talk to your friends. Ask them why they are behaving in the way they are and how it is making you feel. It is possible that they haven't realized that their actions are rude or unfriendly (but don't get your hopes up too high). In some cases, a friend may be feeling sick or is having troubles of his or her own and is lashing out instead of thinking clearly. In such cases, trying to find out what is bothering your friend is useful. However, be prepared for an unwillingness to talk to you or even nasty comments if the friends have decided to move you out of their clique.
- Invite your friends over for some fun time together. You could have a movie night, a sleepover or simply play games together. However, be aware that this isn't a good solution if your friends are constantly being nasty; they may just use this occasion for what it is, then revert to being mean. If this does happen, you will definitely know it's time to cut loose from them. On the other hand, if you all get together and have a good time and talk things through, you might be able to resolve any festering issues and start over. Be open to the possibility but also be very aware of the need to take good care of yourself.
- If you keep inviting them over and they keep rejecting the invitation, it's time to talk to them.
- Move on. If you've tried talking and tried getting together but neither has worked, and your so-called friends continue being snarky and difficult towards you, it's time to face the fact that your own well-being is more important than trying to keep the glue of friendship holding. In this case, these people are no longer your friends and it's their loss. It'll take time to heal and find new friends but you will find other people; be open to seeing who else is out there looking to connect. At the end of the day, it is important to be around people who actually want to be your friends, and who care about you.
Tips
- If they are fed up with you then just walk away from them. It might be hard but if they are treating you poorly then they're not worth being friends with.
- Just ignore them. It's the best thing to do. Don't let the things they say hurt you. Because most of the time, if they know they are hurting you, they will just keep teasing you.
- Don't worry if your old Best Friend starts telling rumors. Tell everyone the truth and tell them that your old Best Friend is a liar and not someone to be friends unless they don't like telling the truth.
- It may just be that they don't want to hang out all the time. Though it might seem like it's only the nice thing to do and you just want to be friends, don't call or text all the time. Don't ask to hang out all the time. Basically, don't be overly clingy. Try to take a break- only reply when they talk, email or text you first, and don't ask to hang out for 2 weeks. Then gradually increase it- "Hey, wanna come over for 3 hours?" However, don't ask them to spend a weekend or day at your house more than once a month, and sleepovers twice a month.
- If they hug together and they don't let you hug them that is basically them saying they don't want you in their friend group/clique.
- If they are never telling you what they are talking about then tell them that friends reel each other and be ware it might be about you.
- If your friend is making you do things that you think might be wrong or you don't want to do just say no or simply walk away.
Warnings
- Don't be too oversensitive. Your friend(s) might just have been in a busy situation when you tried to talk. You might have felt ignored in the process.
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