Act Around Your Girlfriend
Learning to navigate relationships can be tricky. It is made even more complex because no two relationships are exactly alike. However, there are certain ways of behaving that will benefit any relationship. While your girlfriend may seem like a complete mystery at times, there are some simple behaviors that can help you to maintain a happy and healthy relationship.
Contents
Steps
Treating Your Girlfriend with Respect
- Speak to her kindly. Speak to your girlfriend the way you would want to be spoken to by a close friend. Regardless of whether you are sharing a good laugh or arguing, a healthy relationship is always based on mutual respect.
- Manage your tone of voice. An important part of communicating involves tone of voice. Speaking in a kind tone that lets her know that you care about her is very important.
- Never call names. Name-calling is an ultimate sign of disrespect. Don't expect your girlfriend to tolerate it.
- Refrain from cursing. Part of speaking to your girlfriend kindly and treating her with respect is avoiding cursing at or in front of her. Your girlfriend may find cursing very offensive, so err on the side of caution and refrain from doing it.
- Observe and respect her body language. Body language is key to understanding a person’s feelings on a deeper level than they may be expressing verbally. Experts say that about 55% of communication involves body language, so picking up on your girlfriend's nonverbal cues may give you inside information about her feelings.
- Take her cues. If your girlfriend is enjoying the moment, her body language will likely reflect that feeling. She may be smiling coyly, making consistent and lingering eye contact, or leaning her body in towards you. She will appear relaxed, and her face, body, and feet will be directed toward you. This shows you she is engaged in the moment. Pay attention to these cues to know when you are doing something you should continue doing, whether in an intimate setting or amongst a group of peers.
- Notice if she is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. If you believe that something is making her uncomfortable, taking her aside and asking her about it can help. If she is indeed uncomfortable, help her remove herself from the situation. If she is feeling a bit nervous, you may see her playing with something in her hands, stroking her hair, touching her neck, or playing with her necklace. These are called “pacifying behaviors.” Watch for them.
- Treat her as your equal. Just as you should pride yourself in being your own person, so should your girlfriend. You should be proud that she has her own thoughts, opinions, and dreams. Encourage her to share them with you as she chooses.
- Accept differences in political stance, taste in art or music, and interest in recreational activities. Whether or not they are the same stances and interests as yours, her opinions and tastes matter. Just remind yourself that -- although you'd like to be -- you're really not the authority and arbiter on all things, personal and public. Just think of your differences as part of the "spice of life." Wouldn't it be boring if you two agreed on everything?
- If you feel like you can’t respect her opinions, this might not be the right relationship for you. If you differ on fundamental issues -- a desire for monogamy in the relationship, for instance, or the religious upbringing of your children -- it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. While you should still treat her opinions and feelings with respect, you may realize they are just not compatible with yours.
- Be honest. Honesty is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Being honest with your girlfriend is extremely important right from the beginning. While it is sometimes difficult to be honest, it is always, always the best policy. Keeping a web of lies straight can be quite stressful. Besides, what's the point of maintaining a relationship built on deceit?
- Be honest from the start. Trust can be very hard to regain once it's broken. Instead of risking being caught in a lie, just be honest from the beginning. A relationship built on lies will never make you truly happy.
- If you have told a lie, admit it. The best thing you can do is to have your girlfriend hear the truth from you and not from someone else. She will respect you more for your ultimate honesty (once she gets over the shock of being lied to.) She wants to believe you -- and believe in you.
- Apologize if you make her upset. Apologizing is one of the best ways to show your respect for your girlfriend. It doesn’t require a grand gesture, but it must be genuine.
- Apologize sooner rather than later. The best time to apologize is as soon as you know you were in the wrong.
- Speak from the heart. Say something like, “I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings. I’ll try to do better next time.” This can be as powerful as a dozen roses. It will feel to her like a heavy weight has been lifted from her heart.
- Don’t force your apology. If you don't mean it, don’t bother. A fake apology is worse than none at all.
Showing Your Girlfriend that You Care
- Let her know you’re thinking about her. As she is your girlfriend, you should be thinking about her. When you do, let her know. A simple text message or phone call if you are apart, or a gentle touch on her back or arm if you are together, are small ways to let her know you care.
- Try a simple message: “Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you.” A little gesture like this may make her day.
- Bring up a recent memory. For example: “I can’t stop thinking about the time I accidentally dropped all the eggs on the floor and you slipped on them! It’s been making me laugh all day.”
- Begin with a compliment: “Your beautiful smile has been on my mind all day today!”
- Show her courtesy. Subtle actions can go a long way with your girlfriend. Using your manners and going out of your way to be particularly polite and thoughtful around her will be highly appreciated. However, you should look to reach an agreement about the type of thoughtful behavior that she will appreciate. Talk with your girlfriend early on about which types of traditionally courteous behaviors fit into your lives and which do not. For example, you may want to pull out her chair for her, but she may find this patronizing. Communicating about these behaviors will help avoid any misunderstanding. Here are some suggestions for courteous behaviors she may appreciate:
- Open the door for her. This move has been appreciated by women for centuries!
- Walk on the outside of the sidewalk, closest to traffic. This is a quiet sign of protection. Put your arm around her in busy, public places.
- Offer to pay the bill at dinner. Even if she refuses and asks to split the bill, your offer will not go unnoticed.
- Introduce her. It might bother her to be standing next to you chatting with a crowd of your friends when none of them knows her name. Make sure the first thing you do is introduce your girlfriend. This will make her feel important to you and let her relax a bit in conversing with your friends.
- Make her feel special. Whether you are alone, amongst friends, or at a crowded bar of strangers, let her know that she is the one who has your eye and your heart.
- Make eye contact with her from across the room. Let her know she’s the only one on your mind without having to say a single word. A smile always helps.
- Take her feelings into consideration. For example, when you are making plans, discuss them with her. Make her feel like half of a couple.
- Compliment her. Whether it’s a new outfit, a new haircut, or simply the way her smile lights up the room, tell her you've noticed and approve (even if you don't completely!)
- Spoil her a little bit. Has she been eyeing a certain scarf at the mall? Buy it for her and give it to her as a “Just Because It’s Thursday” present.
- Thank her when she brings you something, helps you with something, or does something kind for you. A simple "thank you" can mean a lot and will make it more likely she'll go out of her way for you in the future. Better yet, thank her for no reason at all -- just for being herself. An unexpected kindness will warm her heart for days.
- Get to know her friends. Your girlfriend’s friends (and family) probably play a huge part in her life. They will have some influence on her. If you’re going to make this relationship work, you will want to try to gain the approval of her close friends of either sex.
- Show interest in her friends. Ask them the same questions you asked her when you were getting acquainted. A great place to start is asking her friends how they met your girlfriend.
- Prove she’s in good hands. Show her friends that you genuinely care about her, but don’t push it too hard. Hold her hand, perhaps, but don't display affection to the point of embarrassing anyone.
- Speak highly of her. Her friends don’t want to see you making fun of her or putting her down. While light jesting can be okay, save that for when you know her group a bit better. For the first few meetings, just be quietly but firmly complimentary.
- If you can’t get along with her crew, minimize your contact with them. Just let her know that you approve of her spending time with them and that you won't feel jealous of them as a result.
- Surprise her. A surprise can be as big or as small as you want it to be. Something unexpected will make her feel loved and treasured. Here are some simple suggestions:
- Leave her a note on her bathroom mirror. If you get up for work before she does, leave her a quick “I love you!” note somewhere she'll be sure to notice. This will undoubtedly make her smile, and she'll think about it all day.
- Send her a card in the mail for no reason. It doesn’t have to be a holiday. Getting something in the mail will be a pleasant surprise.
- Send her flowers. Use a website like www.proflowers.com to choose a bouquet that is perfect for her, and have them delivered to her home or work. You may not care about flowers, but she does.
- Plan a surprise date. Text her: “See you at 7 at my house”, and have a candlelit home-cooked dinner waiting for her when she walks in the door. She will remember this for the rest of her life.
- Be affectionate toward her. This doesn’t mean you need to engage in periodic, public displays of affection, but it does mean you treat her in a way that you don’t treat any other woman. She enjoys feeling special to you.
- Hold her hand when you go for a walk. This simple and sweet action will show her that you’re proud to call her yours.
- Wrap your arm around her when it’s cold. This gesture will show her you care for her and want to take care of her.
- Kiss her on the cheek. This is a tender move that shows her that you care.
- Stand up for her. Whether she’s in an argument with a friend or having a problem with her boss, take her side. This doesn’t mean you need to find her faultless in every situation, but it does mean that you should be a source of support for her, even if later, when things have calmed down, you point out that she might not have been completely right.
Spending Time with Your Girlfriend
- Plan a date you know she will enjoy. One of the best ways to surprise your girlfriend is to take her to an event or activity she’s previously expressed interest in. Not only will this show that you have been listening to her, it will show that you care enough to put effort into planning a date she will love. Here are some examples:
- If you know she loves music, take her to enjoy a jazz concert in a garden, and pack your own picnic, complete with champagne. You can listen to the music together and cuddle up as the sun goes down.
- If spaghetti is her favorite food, take her on a date to an Italian cooking class. You’ll learn to make pasta while also having a great time getting messy in the kitchen.
- Does she like beer? Plan a tour at a local brewery that includes tasting the products they turn out. Not only will you get to try some tasty beverages, you’ll learn something, too.
- Is France her favorite country? Plan a “French night” at your apartment. Buy French wine, have fresh croissants and cheese, try your hand at French cuisine, and put on a French playlist with Spotify. Light candles, and pull up a picture of the Eiffel tower on your laptop for effect. Voilà! A perfect evening in Paris.
- Try a new activity together. Have you always wanted to try wakeboarding but never had the chance? Having a girlfriend is reason enough for trying new activities. If your girlfriend feels like she is your “partner in crime,” she will realize she is an important part of your life. Having the courage to try something new shows her your adventurous side, a trait that many women find highly attractive.
- Pick a unique activity: think whale watching, bouldering, brewing your own beer, or learning how to shear a sheep! The possibilities are endless.
- Get out of your comfort zone: dress up for a night and schmooze with the elite at an art show or gallery opening.
- Don’t be afraid to look silly. Even if you aren’t an "all-star" at the date activity you've chosen, showing your girlfriend that you have the confidence to try something different can be impressive.
- Plan to spend time alone and in groups. It will help build and maintain a happy, healthy relationship if you spend time together bonding as a couple without alienating those around you. Some couples practically disappear from their friends’ lives once they start dating. That's a mistake. Your girlfriend will appreciate a balance between spending time with you alone, spending time with mutual friends, and spending time with her friends without you. Don't be offended. It's healthy for both of you.
- Make a dedicated “date night.” Setting aside one day a week as a day that you will spend together (even if it’s just an evening) is an important part of any relationship. It is important to show your girlfriend that she is one of your top priorities. Make this night extra special by trying a date idea suggested above.
- Schedule time with friends. Getting groups of friends together can be challenging, but scheduling a get-together well in advance can help make it happen. Send a Facebook invite or a group text suggesting a meet-up at a favorite restaurant, a local park, or a new bar. Be sure to invite her friends as well as yours.
- Double (or triple!) date. Planning a night out with another couple can be a fun way to maintain a social life while also spending important time with your girlfriend.
- Host a party. This is a great way to get all your and your girlfriend’s favorite people together in one place at one time. The party can be for a holiday, a big sporting event, a birthday, or “just because.” This is a chance to spend time party-planning and practicing teamwork with your girlfriend.
Tips
- Here's a little secret that's not so little and not so secret: Any woman who's being honest will tell you the main thing she wants in life is love. She wants to be loved, and she wants the chance to love. If you're looking for a good relationship with your girlfriend, just keep that little "secret" in mind.
- Smile at her. You know how you feel when she smiles at you. It works in the other direction, too.
- Remember that each woman and each relationship is unique. What works for one couple may not for another. The important thing is to maintain open communication so that your girlfriend feels comfortable telling you what makes her happy and what could be improved. You may be surprised at how much thought she's given to the matter.
- Consider showing this article to your girlfriend. If nothing else, it may spark an interesting and useful discussion between the two of you.
- All of this information is timeless. You may have noticed that most of it can apply not only to a girlfriend but to a wife or fiancée, too.
