Avoid Falling Too Hard for Someone

New relationships are fun, but they can also consume your life. You may find yourself thinking about your new love interest 24/7 and neglecting your other friends and interests. This can have a negative effect on your life and it may also cause the relationship to fizzle out. If you are enjoying a new relationship, but trying to avoid falling too hard for your new love interest, then there are several things you can try.

Steps

Dealing with Anxiety About Your Relationship

  1. Try not to label the relationship too early. Some people try to label relationships early to relieve some of the anxiety that they feel about where things are going.[1] However, putting a label on your relationship in the early stages may be too much for your new guy or girl. It may also increase your feelings of anxiety if your new love interest does not want to put a label on what you have. Instead, try to avoid any labels for now and just have fun.
    • If anyone asks about your new guy or girl, just play it cool and say something like, “We just hang out sometimes. He/she is fun to be around.”
  2. Do something creative. Your creativity may be amplified in the early stages of your relationship, so you may want to take advantage of that. Spending time on creative activities is also a good way to release anxiety and enjoy your alone time.[1]
    • For example, if you like to paint, then paint something. If you enjoy playing guitar, then write some new songs.
  3. Consider your other dating options. Showing too much emotion early in a relationship can cause some people to feel uncomfortable. Men may gain an additional advantage by holding off on showing emotions too early on because some women associate a lack of emotion with manliness. It is good to be warm and loving in relationships, but holding back a bit in he first few months is a good idea.[2] You may feel like you have found “the one,” but keep in mind that there are lots of other people you can date. Remind yourself that there are lots of other guys/girls out there who would love to date you.
    • If you start feeling the urge to call your new guy or girl several times per day or if you just can’t stop thinking about him or her, try thinking about other guys/girls you could date. Maybe the cute guy who rides the bus with you? Or the pretty barista at your favorite coffee shop?
  4. Be willing to be vulnerable. Although you may be afraid to be open with your new love interest, refusing to open up at all can also put a damper on a relationship. At some point, you will probably have to be brave and share something personal about yourself with your new guy or girl.[3]
    • When you are ready, try telling your new love interest something that you dream about doing, such as opening your own restaurant or getting an advanced degree. Or, share something that only your close friends know about, such as a fear that you have or something traumatic that happened to you as a child.
    • By sharing little personal things like this you will be building a closer relationship. As long as you do not share too much too soon, this is a healthy way for relationships to progress.

Staying Independent

  1. Maintain your identity. It can be easy to lose yourself in a relationship, especially if your significant other has a strong personality. However, it is important to maintain your identity and avoid changing yourself for someone else.[3]
    • If you start to feel like you are allowing your significant other’s interests and views take over your own, try taking some extra time to yourself. Use the time to reflect on what you like to do and what you believe in.
  2. Set aside time for yourself.[4] Having alone time is important for any relationship, but it might be even more important if you are trying to avoid falling too hard for someone. Make sure that you have at least one day every week to yourself. On your day to yourself, you can:
    • Indulge in a hobby.
    • Treat yourself to some shopping and spa treatments.
    • Read a book.
    • Work on a personal goal, such as training for a race or finding a job.
  3. Make time for your friends and family. Spending time with your friends and family is also important. If you devote all of your time to your new relationship, then your other relationships may suffer. Make sure that you set aside time to spend with your friends and family without your new boyfriend or girlfriend.[3]
    • Plan a girls or guys night out.
    • Go hiking at a local park with your family.
    • Meet up with some friends for coffee.
    • Help your mom or dad run errands around town.
  4. Maintain your schedule. Relationships can also interfere with your daily routine, which is not good for you. Make sure that you are keeping up with all of your other obligations and not letting them fall off your radar due to the new relationship.[1]
    • Don’t skip work or school to be with your new guy or girl.
    • Keep up with your exercise routine and other hobbies.
    • Don’t cancel plans with friend or family to be with your new love interest.

Coping with Your Feelings

  1. Be aware that your hormones are making you feel this way. There are powerful hormones at work in the early stages of a relationship, which could explain why you might feel like you are falling too hard for your new love interest. Instead of fighting against these feelings, try to enjoy the early stages of your relationship.[1]
    • If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, talk to a close friend or parent about how you are feeling. Discussing your feeling might help you to cope with them a little better. You can also write about how you are feeling if you’d rather not tell anyone about it.
  2. Manage stress. If you have had issues with becoming too attached too soon in a relationship before, then you might have high anxiety about relationships. One way to help yourself is to use relaxation techniques to manage your stress and anxiety about the relationship. For example, instead of calling or texting your new love interest several times, you can try:
  3. Take good care of yourself. Early in a relationship, you may eat less, have trouble sleeping, or develop other unhealthy self-care habits. However, this can be bad for your overall health and these behaviors may amplify your emotions. To ensure that you are feeling your best, make sure that you take good care of yourself.
    • Get enough rest. Try to sleep for eight hours every night.
    • Eat healthy meals. Eat nutritious food, such a fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
    • Exercise. Aim for about 30 minutes of moderate exercise five days per week, such as a walk or a bike ride.
  4. Consider talking to a therapist if this is an ongoing problem. If you have always had a hard time with relationships because you fall too hard too fast, then you might want to seek some help to develop healthier relationships. Some people have problems forming secure attachments due to issues that started in childhood.[5]
    • Try talking to a therapist or school counselor if your romantic relationships tend to overtake your life and affect you in negative ways. For example, if your grades start to fall every time you have a new relationship or if you stop caring for yourself in other ways (not eating, not sleeping), then you may need to address these issues.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-hardy/201203/the-early-stages-falling-in-love
  2. ↑ http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2012/9/17/too-fast-too-soon.html
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/09/05/5-things-not-to-do-in-your-new-relationship/
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-pleasures-sex/201212/balancing-time-together-vs-apart
  5. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/disorders/dependent-personality-disorder-symptoms/

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