Combat Loneliness

Have you ever felt lonely anywhere, or just out of place? Loneliness of some type happens to everyone. It comes on at different levels for a variety of reasons. Don't be shocked if at one time or another during your lifetime you feel lonely. You are not alone in feelings of loneliness. This is a common feeling though not everyone experiences the same type or intensity of loneliness.

Please note: none of the author's contributions represent professional behavioral advice. If you feel sadness and significant loss of interest in your normal activities for more than two weeks, you should seek the advice of a behavioral or cognitive therapist or talk to your doctor.

If you want some sound advice on how to combat the loneliness a lot of people feel from time to time, please read the article and take a chance with some of the tips in it. I hope it helps you smile and help you to combat loneliness :)

Steps

  1. Have you ever heard the expression "don't let life happen to you, make the life you want to live happen because of you"? Apply the same sort of wisdom toward your social interactions if you want to develop relationships with other people that are rewarding, fun and interesting. To do this, you're going to have to examine why as well as how you are lonely.
  2. Take some time with pen and paper (or use a blog site like Blogger or Tumblr) to outline and then detail why you're suddenly (if so sudden or not) lonely. Think about and write down how you feel about being lonely. Example: I have no friends as most have gone away to school, my current friends aren't interested in what I find interesting now, I want to be able to call up someone to do X with and have them show up, I need a date and don't have quality dating candidates in my life now etc. You may discover that you do have existing friends that just don't know you're lonely - this is an area you can work on by just reaching out to them and asking them to do the things you want to do! It's so easy - especially in an economy where people are losing their jobs or for any given reason don't have (or wish to spend) the money they used to spend doing the same things. Lives change, people change and with that can come separation. You may have also decided that someone you considered a friend really isn't a friend after all. This is not uncommon as sometimes people violate our friendship and trust and while we should forgive them for our own peace of mind, we do not have to put up with bad behavior. There is nothing wrong with cleaning house in the friend department; just don't make yourself suffer loneliness as a result since there is no reason to do so! There are plenty of great people out there that are probably in a similar situation and have things in common with you. Determine why you're lonely so you can turn it around.
  3. Next, do the same sort of exercise in thinking about and writing out the how of your loneliness. In other words think about the things you enjoy doing and how you want to interact with people. Do you have specific interests or hobbies you'd like to share with a friend or a few friends? Are there new experience in life that you know exist but you have yet to experience? Thinking about the "how" of loneliness will help you determine how to go about meeting new people that are most likely to share common interests, even if it's dating.
  4. Make it your mission to interact with people as often as possible (i.e. don't isolate!) by setting goals to meet new people based upon what you've discovered about the why and how questions you took the time to answer and explore. Examples of this are: "I'm going to do X in order to find people I want to date", "I will find new people to do X with at least once a week (i.e. go to the movies or watch a movie in, discuss a book, have coffee, take a walk etc.).
  5. Search around your area for ways to run into people such as parks and libraries. This will help your opportunity to make new friends greater than it will be if you sit home and do nothing. See the tips section for some information on internet sites that organize meet ups for people with common interests. Set some goals around what you want your social circle to look like and what types of things you want to be doing that you are not currently taking part in.
  6. If you find that your current social pickings are slim or dated (i.e. you just don't have the same things in common anymore with your old social circle of sorts) Meetup.com is an excellent way to find people in your area who are interested in the things you are be it a particular genre of books, music, meditation, karaoke, video games and (gasp) singles groups that go out and meet up (thus the name meetup.com). Check it out - you might just find something that describes your new hobby even if you don't know it's your hobby YET!
  7. Cleaning and organizing your home are a great way to pass the time and focus on improving your surroundings. As well, it doesn't cost much if anything to clean and getting organized has an immediate pay off that releases these great hormones in our brains that make us feel great. It also encourages having people over after to smoothly show off our shiny digs. If you are living in a mess now, invite a couple of people over now so you have a deadline to get things done. If you don't have people to invite over, don't know how to clean or would rather take your time in getting organized, http://organizedhome.com, www.flylady.net and housekeeping.about.com are great sites for all things cleaning/organizing. To some this could sound a bit odd but you can really help yourself by tidying up, deep cleaning (if applicable) and getting organized. It gives you something to do and you might find some things that you no longer need or use that you can donate (blankets, towels go to an animal rescue, coats to the needy etc.). In addition, a disorganized or messy living space can keep you from wanting to invite people around. Clutter or messy living can also lead to (or be a symptom of) depression which also can become isolating.
  8. If you own a cell phone, iTouch or other web enabled device, take the time to learn all that you can about the device and any social networking applications or features it does or can have. Even some web based contact with the world (i.e. using your iPhone, Blackberry etc. to communicate to the world via Twitter, Facebook or Myspace can give you more social contacting than staring at a wall and may lead to actually meeting people). Plus, calling a friend will often help if you're in a social slump.
  9. If you have an MP3 player (iPod, Zune for examples) look into the peer to peer capabilities these devices have or may provide access to (for example: iPod Touch provides access to Facebook and other social networks as well as some iPhone apps and Zune has a music and video community with the WiFi features that come with the device out of box but you have to sign up via their website first) new people online and socialize/share music.
  10. If you are trying to get someone to talk to you, don't act overly lonely or talk on a cell phone/use your iPod to distract. Be brave! People are almost always willing to have a friendly conversation. The proof? This article and millions like it exist!
  11. Do not settle for bad friends! People can be just awful and some far worse than others. Don't put up with your "friend" that steals from you/takes advantage of you, talks smack on you behind your back or even treats you like trash. If you have an issue that can be worked out, you know it can be worked out though if you have discovered that your friend has changed in a bad way (become involved in drugs, theft, lies etc., turned out to be someone you don't like or just a jerk) it is FAR better to have no friends at all than one that will hurt you with no regard for making amends or getting help. I'm not saying to ditch a friend during bad times rather don't let yourself become a doormat for someone amoral. I promise you will lose so much more than you gain and actually may suffer much pain. You can find people who will appreciate you for you. Never allow yourself to be used or treated poorly over and over!
  12. Getting a new pet that can provide unconditional love during difficult times can really help to combat loneliness. Be sure, however, if you are going to do this you seriously think about it for the sake of the animal and do not do it on an impulse. Rescuing an animal from a shelter can offer a greater bond and sense of self-worth since without you the animal may have gotten put to sleep.

Get a pet!

  1. Getting a new pet that can provide unconditional love during difficult times can really help to combat loneliness.
  2. Be sure, however, if you are going to do this you seriously think about it for the sake of the animal and do not do it on an impulse.
  3. Rescuing and animal from a shelter can offer a greater bond and sense of self-worth since without you the animal may have gotten put to sleep.

Tips

  • Do something nice for someone you don't know whenever you can. Say hello to a stranger, open the door for the person in front of you or let someone go first at an intersection. You can take it a step further and visit a senior citizens day center or home. Bring some doughnuts, cookies or cakes and watch their faces light up. You'd be amazed at how wonderful you feel. Many of these people don't have family who can visit often and they'll say the greatest things about you it will warm your heart. You'll be so appreciated even if you just bring something you picked up at the grocery store bakery!
  • Go for walks and literally take the time to smell the roses! Life can be very difficult to say the least but it's important to take the time to appreciate the small things. You might meet a nice person to chat to on that walk. If you don't meet someone you're at least getting Vitamin D from the sun which is vital to our mood as humans. In addition, many doctors believe that 30 minutes of brisk walking is just as (if not more) effective as some of the most prescribed antidepressants. Talk about powerful!
  • Smile more at people you see - this includes your own reflection in the mirror. Recent science supports information that smiling releases all sorts of feel good chemicals in the brain including endorphins, natural pain killers and increases the serotonin and norepinephrine available in our brains. The big drug companies are making loads of money on anti depressant prescription medication to trick our neurotransmitters to reuptake serotonin and norepinephrine so why not just try smiling and get a free, less invasive dose? Make it a habit and not only will you look inviting to those around you, you may just begin to feel happier naturally!
  • Finding constructive activities that interest you is key. If these activities involve social interaction, even better! Sometimes just a light conversation with a random person you meet when you go about your day can do wonders to begin social reconstruction.
  • Again, don't ever share your life with amoral people who don't share your values and treat you like crap. You will get burned every time and you could get hurt OR even in legal trouble. It's a losing situation. You do not have to settle for bad friends as they're not even really friends at all and you're not doing them any favors by not giving them consequences for their poor choices. Make a conscious effort to associate yourself with smart, decent people. You know what they say, you can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep! It's very very true.
  • Use fun words such as boondoggle or footle. It will brighten your day and brighten the day of others around you. Remember, you are not considered a worthless person, you are a human being, with a glorious life ahead of you! Go out and live it!
  • Doing good for others often leads to meeting new people and definitely boosts feelings of wellness no doubt. Do a good deed and donate a couple of hours each week working for a cause you believe in. A great example is local animal shelters or private animal rescues. They are easy to find on the web (try Petfinder.com for rescues and shelters). These organizations save the lives of countless animals, take in unwanted pets and place them in loving homes and contribute to society by providing great pets to lonely people who may otherwise not have found a particular pet. They do loads of work for the community and save countless animals from being put to death every day. What if you just went there two hours a week and helped them feed and clean up the animal environments? If you're great with computers or answering the phones, they often have a need there too. need your support. We may not have money to donate but time is your most valuable donation so give what you can. Whoever you help will fill you with gratitude and you'll feel far less lonely. If you opt to donate your time to a rescue or shelter, you could even meet a furry friend on four legs to take home and love thus helping that loneliness even further.
  • Search Meetup.com and see if there are any groups in your area that are meeting up to do things that you enjoy. If not, start your OWN group if you have a hobby that you love to share with others or even try something new you see other meetup.com groups doing in your area that you may enjoy! Meetup.com has been an excellent dating remedy for people who wanted to meet new people but it also has great book discussion groups, music groups (go to a concert or just talk about what's new in genres you like), real estate investment groups (these are some savvy people that are making a killing buying real estate now in this economy and giving out free advice), technical or "geek out" groups, chess players, dancers looking for dance teams and even money saving chatters who just love to meet up and hang out to meet new people for the sake of meeting new people. You'll find groups (most groups are 4 or more people attending) that will meet to talk over anything from coffee or a cocktail to tea and cupcakes. There are some cool, fun people that belong to those meetup groups.

Warnings

  • Do all that you can not to isolate for weeks on end. This can lead to feelings of depression (and sometimes clinical depression) if you're not a person who is very used to isolation or desires a solitary life.
  • Loneliness is different for everyone. If you feel sad and lonely, there may or may not be an easy "fix" to the feelings. Try to do things you enjoy and work through issues to make sure you don't develop long term psychological phobias, anxiety or depression. America is so overly medicated when sometimes a good friend who can make you laugh is the best medicine in the world!.
  • Do not sit all alone in a crowded room. If you feel awkward so what? Push through it! Stand up, walk around, and join in on conversations and engage. You will soon make new friends and have intellectual conversations.

Related Articles

You may like

Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Combat_Loneliness&oldid=286717"