Cope After Loss of a Love
Maybe it's been a year and you're still not over that guy who left you for another girl? Or you're pining for that girl who left you without a note on Valentine's Day? Learn how to cope with those emotions, and how to take a higher road. You are a fantastic person, you just need to remember it.
Steps
- Allow yourself a personalized amount of time to reflect. Think about the things that happened between you and the ex. Look at both the good sides and the bad sides of the relationship. It's almost always easier to remember the good times; it's a promise that the pain will pass.
- Cry if you need to. It's all right to feel the pain.
- Allow yourself to feel anger. Feeling angry? That's good. Anger can bring out those bad memories and if they are there. Why waste them? And check out the warning about revenge.
- Gain self confidence. If this person has ever affected you negatively, look at why this person was motivated to do this. Is it possible that they are or were having problems with themselves, such as immaturity, inability to commit or work stress? Consider the possibility that this person is 'damaged goods.'
- Know that you cannot change a person. And equally, know that you cannot change a person who does not want to change. While it is possible to help people who want to change, the motivation needs to exist on a case-to-case basis and it is not your role to save someone or make them "see the light".
- Realize that you cannot turn back the hands of time. The past is in fact the past and however badly you wish you could go back and do things differently, it just isn't going to happen. Don't waste your future thinking about what could have been. Think about what can and will be.
- Understand that changes take time and hard work. They are a challenge. A habit takes 11 days to form. How long will it take to break?
- Look to your friends for support. If they are true friends, they will understand and let you cry on their shoulders and wail in their ears.
- Try to go out and have fun with those friends. Sitting at home moping self-piteously is good at the start of the rupture but only on rainy days! Remember to take advantage of the times you have right now - be present in the present and soak up the sunshine. Go climb some rocks, sing karaoke or roller blade. Working out is cool too. Exercise the blues away.
- Do your best not to just 'jump' into another relationship. Give yourself time to know that you are ready to give it a try again. If you jump too quickly, your emotional baggage will jump with you, unresolved and laden with damaged feelings.
- Make sure you have learned a lesson from the past relationship. However, forgive and move on - do not hold it against a new person. Be sure to check that you aren't dating the same 'type' of person. This might happen if you don't take enough time to get over the old relationship and find your own groove again.
Tips
- Keep your self-respect. Don't contact your ex on a flimsy pretext, hoping he/she will want to get back together. Don't send her a Christmas card, don't email him asking if you left your sweater in his car, don't send her a text message asking for advice on something she is knowledgeable about. Don't contact his/her family members, either.
- Realize that you can't turn love on and off like a faucet. If this person no longer loves you, it's over, regardless of your own feelings.
- If you happen to see this person around town and don't think you can stand up to them, walking away is perfectly fine and probably more effective than speaking with them.
- Don't try to get even. Any attempts at revenge are likely to backfire and could land you in serious trouble. Driving by your Ex's house repeatedly is stalking. Calling your ex and hanging up is phone harassment. Both of these are misdemeanors, punishable by a heavy fine and possible incarceration.
- Let someone know if you are in pain.
- You will discover quickly who your true friends are. Someone who can't wait to tell you about seeing your ex with a new girlfriend/boyfriend is not a friend.
- If it's been over a day, and you're still crying non-stop, make a list of things that make you happy (NOT your ex!!!). And if you can, do some of those things once in a while.
- Google "Crisis" for emergencies.
Things You'll Need
- Journal to keep your thoughts on an even path
- A pen for the journal
