Deal With a Guy Not Liking You in Middle School

Having a crush is a normal, healthy part of life. Remember that while middle school seems like your whole world now, new crushes will develop and feelings change fast. You will probably have many crushes in your lifetime. Find out some tips to help you get through this painful part of growing up.[1]

Steps

Dealing with Your Crush

  1. Drop hints. Do you know for sure that the guy doesn’t like you back? Try giving him subtle cues that you like him. If he’s giving you mixed signals in return, don’t take it personally. Middle school age can be confusing for everyone.[2]
    • The guy may be shy. Even if he acts confident around certain girls, it may be because he feels comfortable around them as friends.
    • For example, wait for the right moment, than give him a compliment like, “You’re a great listener.”
    • Try sending him a text with a cute nickname that lets him know you’re thinking about him and his interests. Say something like “Hey hun. How did your baseball game go?”
  2. Tell him. It’s possible that this guy doesn’t even know that you like him. If you’re not sure whether he knows, you may want to tell him that you like being around him. Use the term “like,” not “love.”[3]
    • Try saying, “I like studying with you.” If you want to be even more direct, try saying,”I like being around you.”
  3. Stay friends. Whether he is in your group of friends or is your best friend: if you really think you will be able to outgrow and move past crushing on this guy, you could always try to stay friends. This will be even easier to do if you work through your crush just between you and the guy, without getting mutual friends involved. That way if he doesn’t like you back, you can continue hanging out without it feeling as awkward.[4]
    • If you don’t feel that you can remain friends, you can tell him the truth, but don’t be angry or act like he did something wrong. Try saying, “It’s just difficult for me to hang out with you because I had a crush on you, you know? It’s not because of you – you’re a great guy.”
    • If you don’t want to tell him directly that it’s too painful to remain friends, you can ease yourself out of his life gradually by making yourself less available. For example, you may be too busy with studying, after-school activities or family obligations to meet up.
  4. Distance yourself. If your crush doesn’t seem to want to talk or is acting like he feels uncomfortable, it is best to distance yourself. You may also want to back off if it feels too difficult for you to be friends. It may be hard to do if you share the same class(es), but try to avoid your crush during social times like lunch and recess.[5]
    • Stop visiting your crush’s social media pages. Unfollow them or change your settings so that you don’t see their posts.[6]
  5. Don’t try to make him like you. It’s painful, but you have to respect his feelings. You don’t want to make him uncomfortable – even friends shouldn’t do that to each other. If you do things to try and make him like you back, then you aren’t being yourself. People should like you for who you already are.[7]
    • Don’t change your look or the way you act to get someone else’s attention. Guys who like you will notice you on their own.
  6. Act cool. When you have to be around this guy, keep a cool head. Instead of focusing on him and what he’s doing, tell yourself positive affirmations about yourself in your head. Ignore him. Think about how much you are improving, be positive, and choose not to suffer.
    • For example, think to yourself, “I feel confident and secure. I accept and love myself.”
  7. Don’t obsess over it. Don’t keep trying to text or talk to the guy. A crush shouldn’t take you away from doing other life activities.[8] If you are spending a ton of time thinking about your crush and you can’t stop yourself, you should talk to a parent or guidance counselor to get help dealing with those feelings.[1]

Managing Your Feelings

  1. Realize that your feelings are normal. You may feel disappointed, sad, or even rejected. These are all perfectly normal feelings to have. They may last for a little while, but they will fade.[5]
  2. Vent. Express your sadness in healthy ways. Let yourself be upset and even cry.[1] Let it out, and then promise yourself to let it go.[6]
    • Don’t tell a bunch of friends, though. For example, don’t text your friends about what your crush said or did today. Kids sometimes tease other kids who have crushes.[5]
    • Try writing down your thoughts in a journal at home, and/or listening to music.
    • You may want to choose one best friend who you really trust to keep a secret. Whoever you choose to talk to about your crush, when you are done venting, ask that person to stop you if you start talking about your crush after you decided to let it go.
  3. Talk to your parents about it. Your parents are adults and their judgment is fully developed. You can trust and confide in them more than you can trust your classmates, because your parents are more mature and want you to live well. Help them to relate to what you’re going through.[9]
    • Try saying, “Can you hear me out and be nonjudgmental? I would like someone to talk to.”
    • Ask something like, “What mistakes did you make as tweens and teenagers?” and “What did you learn?” This will help remind them of what they went through and how they felt at your age. [9] If they can’t think of any mistakes, try asking something else to open up the conversation, like, “How about any funny stories from when you were my about my age?”[10]
    • Try asking, “Who was your first crush?”[5]
  4. Ask your parents about dating. Ask what your limits are when it comes to socializing with guys outside of school hours. It might not matter if your crush doesn’t like you back, if you’re not allowed to date yet. Try not to get mad or defensive at your parents’ answers – remember that are guiding you out of love.[11]
    • Try asking, “Am I allowed to go to the movies with a group of friends that includes a guy? Am I allowed to go on one-on-one dates?”
  5. Be glad it didn’t work out. Middle school relationships usually last just a few weeks.[12] Think about this: imagine that he did like you, and you got your hopes up, only to be broken up with twelve days later. That would have be bad for your self-esteem![13]
    • You won’t have to deal with peer pressure to do anything you’re not ready for yet.[1]
    • When you break up with someone in middle school, you still have to see them in class, which can be very uncomfortable.[14]
    • You aren’t really ready for a relationship yet. Your mind and body are still growing, and so are your classmates. If a guy approaches you and says that he likes you and wants to date you, try saying, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I need to focus on my studies.”

Focusing on Other Things

  1. Learn who you are. You don’t want to think of yourself as anybody’s girlfriend until you know yourself better. Otherwise, you risk being defined as somebody’s girlfriend instead of what makes you unique![13] You can learn about yourself by thinking about why you liked him in the first place. Things you like about your crush can actually give you clues about who you are and want to become.[3]
    • For example, you may feel that you like the guy because he sounds smart when he talks in class. That tells you that you admire the quality of intelligence, and you would probably like to be seen as smart yourself.
    • You may even realize that you don’t know your crush as well as you thought you did.
  2. Think about how you want to be treated. You wouldn’t want a relationship with a guy who doesn’t like you! [12] A good relationship is balanced.[8] Ask your parents what healthy relationships are like.
  3. Focus on you. Think about your talents and good qualities. Get busy doing things you like to do.[6] Get involved with sports, clubs, and school.[8]
    • Hang out with friends or find an after-school activity you enjoy. Try reading some new books.
    • Remember how special and wonderful you are!
  4. Forget about guys for a while. You can develop better study skills to prepare for your future education if you don’t date in middle school. Being preoccupied with boys gets in the way of homework.[10] Some kids who date in middle school even end up dropping out of school! You want to have an education so that you’ll be able to get a good job and support yourself in the future. You’re also less likely to get depressed if you ditch the idea of dating in middle school. Focus on making good friends instead of thinking about romantic relationships.[12]
    • Dating in middle school involves things like talking, texting, sitting around at a fast food place, holding hands, maybe a hug – you’re not missing out on anything.[15] But you could miss out on some great friends if you’re busy spending time with crushes in middle school. Relationships with your friends and even your best friends can suffer.[10]
    • Guys in middle school are immature. For example, they may be more interested in playing basketball after school than having a girlfriend.
    • If you wait until you’re older to start thinking about guys romantically, you will probably have more freedom to date then anyways: for instance, with curfew, time you can spend on the phone or internet, places you can hang out, etc.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 http://www.metrofamilymagazine.com/September-2012/How-to-Handle-Your-Childs-First-Crush/
  2. ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/q-and-a/a27809/does-my-crush-like-me/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201209/adolescence-and-the-teenage-crush
  4. ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/crush-on-friend
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 5.3 https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/crushes.html#
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 http://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-over-a-crush
  7. ↑ http://www.parents.com/kids/development/friends/how-to-handle-your-childs-first-crush/
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 8.2 http://www.today.com/parents/young-love-parents-dealing-teen-romance-2D80555520
  9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 http://www.parenthood.com/article/the_rules_for_romance_in_teen_dating.html#.WCQFfy0rLIU
  10. ↑ 10.0 10.1 10.2 https://www.parentmap.com/article/puppy-love-your-childs-first-crush
  11. ↑ https://www.verywell.com/when-your-teen-has-a-crush-2611154#
  12. ↑ 12.0 12.1 12.2 http://www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/10879-dating-in-middle-school-is-it-worth-the-risk
  13. ↑ 13.0 13.1 http://www.imom.com/middle-school-romance-the-pros-and-cons/#.WCQA6y0rLIV
  14. ↑ http://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/tween-middle-school-dating-stories/
  15. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFmiHWTWcrI&feature=youtu.be&t=16
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