Forget a Cheating Boyfriend

Infidelity can sting. If you were cheated on by an ex-boyfriend, it can be hard to forget this person and move on. You may want to stop thinking about your ex, as ruminating over a negative experience can hurt. Try to keep busy. A new hobby or workout routine can help you keep your mind off your ex. You can also try to regulate your mood. Try to control when and where you allow yourself to indulge in thoughts of your ex. Work on regulating your emotions. Try to remind yourself of all you have to be grateful for, and proceed with confidence towards the future.

Steps

Staying Busy

  1. Exercise to regulate your mood. Regular exercise can help lift your mood, and can help you keep busy. This will give you less time to ruminate over what happened with your ex-boyfriend. Try picking up a new exercise routine to help boost your mood and forget your ex.[1]
    • Choose a type of routine you like, as you'll be more likely to stick to it. If you hate running, don't commit to a weekly run. Instead, go for a bike ride after work.
    • Start any new workout routine slowly. You may want to talk to your doctor first, especially if it's been awhile since you worked out regularly.
  2. Pick up an old hobby. Do you have any old hobbies you no longer do? Now may be a good time to pick up that hobby. If you can stay busy with a particular hobby or interest, you are more likely to forget about your boyfriend.[1]
    • Think about something you used to do that got away from you. Maybe you used to be an avid knitter, but got busy with other things. Try taking up a knitting project again after breaking up with your ex.
    • If you can't think of any old hobbies, try a new one. Find something you enjoy that you've never tried before. For example, maybe you could join a sports league. A new hobby can easily help you get your mind off your ex.
  3. Watch lighthearted television. Stock up on comedies and feel good movies. It's a good idea to allow yourself to embrace something silly and lighthearted in the wake of a great betrayal. Make a Netflix collection of comedies. Marathon watch your favorite humor television show. This will keep your mind off the pain and help you forget.[1]
  4. Stay around people. There's no sense closing yourself off from others in the wake of a breakup. As you attempt to forget your ex-boyfriend, surround yourself with supportive friends. A solid support system can help you forget how your ex hurt you. You will also feel grateful for all the good people in your life, even if your romantic relationship ended poorly.[2]
    • In a relationship, you get used to having someone around all the time. With a significant other, you feel like someone is always a text or a phone call away. When things end, you may find yourself wishing for that closeness again.
    • Remember, you do have people in your life. You have friends and family members who care about you. Reach out to them on your bad days. Do something fun that will take your mind off your ex.

Taking Control of Your Thoughts

  1. Allow yourself to think about your ex in moderation. It seems counterintuitive, but this will actually help you forget your ex. Studies show if you try to not think about something, you'll just end up thinking about it more. Instead of trying to obliterate your ex from your consciousness, allow yourself to occasionally engage in thoughts of your ex.[3]
    • Do not panic if you occasionally think about your ex. Instead of thinking, "I need to not think about this. Why am I letting this get to me?" stop and accept the thoughts. Think something like, "It's normal to still feel sad sometimes. I'm going to let myself experience these thoughts."
    • Instead, allow yourself to experience the thoughts for a few minutes. Remind yourself why you're upset, but ultimately better off. Remember, this person cheated on you and broke your trust. You're better off without him.
  2. Remind yourself that it was your ex’s decision to cheat. Dealing with a cheating boyfriend may cause you to start to evaluate your own actions and wonder if you could have somehow prevented the situation. If you find yourself doing this, take a moment to remind yourself that your boyfriend chose to cheat and that you had nothing to do with that decision.
    • Try saying something to yourself like, “This was his decision. I could not have stopped it and I did not cause it.”
  3. Remember the bad parts of the relationship. This can actually help you feel better about the breakup, allowing you to move on and forget faster. When you start feeling sad about the breakup, remind yourself of your ex's bad qualities. This can stop you from romanticizing the relationship. You can acknowledge your ex's imperfections in a healthy, cathartic manner.[4]
    • Obviously, the infidelity is a major flaw. However, that is not something you have to focus your energies towards if it makes you sad.
    • You can think about small things. For example, "I hate that he always made us late to movies" or "I hate that he clipped his toenails in the living room." Allow yourself to be a little petty.
  4. Cut off contact with your ex. If you're still in contact with him, you're not going to be able to forget him. If you don't want to continue the relationship, then cut off contact. Stop texting him, calling him, or interacting with him on social media.[2]
    • Avoid the temptation to call him in moments of weakness. If you're upset and need to vent, turn to friends over your ex-boyfriend.
    • You should only reestablish contact when you're ready to have a relationship again. Keep in mind, however, you may never feel ready for a relationship again. Many people struggle to stay friends with their exes. It's okay if you do not want this person as a friend.
  5. Talk things out with only a few people. You do not want to emotionally unload on everyone in your friend's group. Having everyone know your business may make it hard to forget. You also open yourself up to potentially unsolicited advice. Pick one or two close friends and tell them about the infidelity.[5]
    • Try to limit your venting, however. You do not want to end up upsetting yourself by making your ex the subject of too many conversations.
    • Talk a little about your ex to these friends. Then, discuss other topics that help you forget and move on.
  6. Do not seek out details. If your ex-boyfriend cheated, you may want to know everything possible about the man or woman he cheated with. However, seeking out details is only likely to make you feel bad. Nothing good will come of looking through old credit card receipts and emails, or looking at your ex's social media profile. You do not need to know the details now that the relationship is over.[5]
    • If necessary, have an action plan in place when you feel the need to dig up details. You can think of something specific to do instead. For example, instead of going through your ex's Facebook posts, have a video game to play instead.

Regulating Your Emotions

  1. Use self-soothing activities to feel better. Dealing with a cheating boyfriend can make you feel sad, angry, and confused. You can use self-soothing activities to help you to feel better as you experience your emotions. Some things you might try include:
    • Taking a long bath.
    • Listening to some of your favorite music.
    • Writing in a journal or drawing.
    • Reading a book or watching a movie.
    • Spending time with your pet or with family members.
  2. Take care of yourself. Self-care should not be neglected in the wake of a breakup. Make sure to take care of yourself while healing. If you neglect things like healthy eating and sleeping, you end up feeling worse. This will make it harder to turn your energy away from your ex.[3]
    • Anxiety-inducing thoughts get worse if you're hungry, tired, dehydrated, or deprived in other ways. Stick to your regular routine to keep your mood as good as possible.
    • You should also find healthy ways to deal with stress. Avoid things like heavy drinking. Instead, get a small treat to eat. Go to a spa for a day. Treat yourself to a new outfit.
  3. Remind yourself you want to be happy. If an ex cheated, you may sometimes feel yourself trapped in bitter thoughts. If you feel like you're drowning in feelings of anger and resentment, stop and say, "I want to be happy." This will help shift your focus to all the positive things you have, instead of focusing on how one person hurt you.[4]
    • Remind yourself you actually want to be happy in moments when you feel yourself getting sad. This will help you tune out the small frustrations in favor of embracing the future.
    • For example, you see a romantic Facebook post from your ex's new romantic interest. Instead of getting angry, say, "I want to be happy." You will remember your goal is happiness, and you'll find other things to focus on.
  4. Embrace the good in yourself. Infidelity can make you feel invaluable. Remember, you decide how much value you have and not another person. When times get difficult, and you feel bad about yourself, think about your good qualities.[6]
    • Write a list of all your good qualities. Jot down everything in your life that makes you feel valuable and happy.
    • Then, write down things you have to be grateful for. Think about things like your friends and family members.
  5. Look towards the future with a positive attitude. There's no sense harboring negativity when considering the future. Say to yourself each day, "I deserve better." Embrace the fact you're a good person who deserves a faithful partner.[4]
    • Tell yourself you're going to meet someone better. Everyone goes through breakups, and everyone sometimes feels they will not recover. However, you're bound to eventually find someone who is kinder to you than your ex was.
    • Each time you start feeling bad about your ex, say something to yourself like, "It's okay. I can and will do better."
  6. Rebuild your self-confidence. If you were cheated on, it can seriously affect your sense of self-worth. Take steps to rebuild your self-confidence in the wake of infidelity. Prioritize positive self-talk and finding ways to feel good about yourself.[7]
    • Make a list of things you like about yourself. This can help you remind yourself you have value.
    • Think about your current relationships. Remind yourself you're lucky to have close friends and family members who value you, even if someone else hurt you.
    • Remember everything you do right. Congratulate yourself for your recent successes and take stock of your talents and abilities.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://greatist.com/live/closure-how-to-get-over-a-breakup
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15315/1/How-to-Forget-Your-Ex.html
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201202/4-science-based-strategies-getting-over-ex
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201209/7-phrases-will-help-you-get-over-breakup
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://www.today.com/health/caught-him-cheating-heres-how-move-after-bad-breakup-1D80244657
  6. ↑ https://pairedlife.com/breakups/10-TIPS-TO-GET-OVER-YOUR-EX
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/understand-other-people/201512/5-ways-shake-the-pain-rejection
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