Get More Intimate Without Having Sex
There are lots of ways that you can be truly intimate with a person that do not include sex at all. If you're wanting to either keep sex from being initiated because you're not ready, or you want to slow down your relationship and make it more meaningful, wikiHow is here to help you find a fulfilling way to have a relationship. Just get started with Step 1 below to learn how.
Contents
Steps
Being Physical without Sex
- Breathe together. Breathing together can be extremely sexy and very intimate. Start by lying down in bed together, on your sides, facing each other, with your faces just a few inches apart. Then let silence fill the spaces between you as you sync your breathing with your partner's. The air you breathe will become the air that your partner breathes. When you feel completely in sync, this becomes a great time to talk and have those deep conversations that seem so difficult when you’re out around other people.
- Kiss them like they've never been kissed before. These days, relationships seem to move so fast that some people forget that there used to be bases between hand holding and sex. Don’t neglect the importance of a solid make-out: you need to know that you and your partner can really sync up those passionate kisses before getting under the sheets. Practice your kissing technique and don’t be afraid to really let the passion in and experiment.
- For example, try nibbling their ear or kissing their neck, in between sessions with their delicious lips.
- Lick a line down their neck and blow on it softly. The cool sensation will blow their mind.
- Take hand holding to a new level. Don’t just hold their hand awkwardly as you sit together on the couch. Make hand holding more intimate by exploring their hands with yours. Trail your fingers along their fingers, spell out love notes into their palms, and kiss the tips of each of their fingers as they’re interlaced with yours. This is sexy without the sex and a great intimate activity.
- Have a relaxing nap in their arms. This may be old-fashioned, but a lot of people have forgotten how intimate, relaxing, and wonderful this can be. With your partner’s head in your lap, you can give them a massage or scratch their head. You can also do even more intimate activities, like brushing or braiding their hair. This activity gives you time to talk as well, or you can just enjoy this relaxing activity in silence.
- Make eye contact. When you do any activity, you should be sure to make strong eye contact with your partner. We communicate a lot of feelings through the expressions in our eyes, and when you spend a lot of time trying to avoid eye contact (because you’re embarrassed or shy), you miss out on a lot of opportunities to tell your partner how much they mean to you without saying anything at all.
- Consider foreplay. You might not want to have sex, but there are sexual activities that you can do together that involve many of the same feelings and sensations without the actual act. These can allow you to be intimate, without worrying about some of the consequences of full sex.
- If you do decide to do foreplay activities, however, it's important to remember that while they may not be able to get you pregnant, some activities can still come with risks. Make sure you practice safe sex, even when you're not having "real" sex.
Having Fun Together
- Make a date of watching the sky. Whether you’re watching a sunset, sunrise, or creating your own constellations as you stargaze together, getting outside and looking up at the sky is a great way for the two of you to bond and become more intimate. This kind of activity gives you lots of time for talking and bonding on a level that might even be more intimate than sex alone, which makes it a great alternative to sex.
- For example, make a date of stargazing. Watch a couple of your favorite movies together to help you stay up, and then take some tasty snacks, a couple of warm drinks, and some music out to a place where you can get a great look at the night sky. Lay out on a blanket together and come up with your own constellations and stories to go with them as you enjoy whatever you brought with you.
- Look at pictures together. Looking at pictures of your childhood and the people that were important to you is a very intimate act. When you discuss the things that mattered to you and the events and people that led you to become who you are, you reveal a lot of vulnerabilities to your partner. Showing your weaknesses in an inherently intimate act, that is emotionally significant for the exact same reasons that sex is, making this a great alternative or supplement to a more physical relationship.
- Exercise together. Exercising together also puts you in a vulnerable position...except that exercising is sort of a special case, because it’s sexy (sexier than you think!) and vulnerable at the same time. Exercise makes our bodies mimic the physical appearance of sex, making you look sexy to your partner when you work out even if you feel really gross (never mind the fact that studies have shown that the smell of fresh sweat is very attractive ). However, both you and your partner will realize that it might be an opportunity to see flaws in each other, and that vulnerability also makes exercising together a really intimate act.
- If you want to give this a try to you want to make it as sexy as possible, try going for a swim together at a local pool. Challenge each other to see who can swim the fastest from one side of the pool to the other.
- If you don’t know how to introduce the idea of exercising together to your partner, or you’re worried they might take it the wrong way, try saying something like, “I want to start going to the gym but I get really lonely and bored and then I stop going. Would you be willing to also start going so that I have some sexy company?”
- Do an art project together. When you ask most people about sexy art projects, most people will think of that scene from Ghost but the history of creating art as an intimate act goes back a lot further than Patrick Swayze’s borderline-mullet. Creating a piece of art is like making a child and when you do it right, it reveals a lot about your soul and who you are as a person.
- For example, you can work together to create two paintings: one that you can put above your bed and one that your partner can put above theirs. This way you feel like you have something of them that you can look at as you fall asleep.
- Another option would be to save up a year’s worth of date receipts, movie stubs, photographs, and other paper ephemera and then decoupage them into an artistic journal cover. You can then trade the journal back and forth, writing about your personal thoughts about each date you go on, writing each other poetry, or even just writing each other letters in the journal.
- Read a book together. Reading a book together is a great way to bond, feel physically close, and get intimate in a way that goes beyond sex. We’re not just talking about reading a book at the same time here either (although you can totally do that!). Sit down together, wrapped up in each other’s arms, and take turns reading a chapter or a page aloud. If you’re not the best out-loud readers, you can also read the page silently and then signal when you’re ready for a page turn. With the right book, i.e. one you both really like, this is a very intimate activity and it gives you a lot to talk about later.
- This intimate activity can be preceded by another one: going to a bookstore together. Go shopping together to find a book that you both think sounds great.
- Don’t feel limited to books either. While a whole, traditional book will give you many opportunities to do this activity (because it’s long), you can also read things like comics and graphic novels. These are shorter and might work as a better introductory experience. Scott Pilgrim might be a good place to start for a young couple, if you’re new to the realm of comics.
Bonding Mentally
- Ask personal questions. Bonding mentally is all about getting to know each other on a real level. It’s about going beyond the obvious questions of favorite colors and number of siblings. By asking your partner some real, personal questions, you can start getting mentally intimate. Just be sure that you approach these conversations in a good way: don’t be judgemental and do be respectful of what they tell you.
- Ask questions like “If you could choose to be anyone, real or fictional, who would you choose to be and why?”, “What would you say to your younger self, if you could? What would you say to your older self?”, and “If you could make three wishes for someone else, who would you make the wishes for and what would you wish for them?”.
- Talk about your bucket lists. Talk to each other about what you want to do before you die. What, right now, are the goals and future events that you want to see happen? Don’t just talk about what you want to happen or what you want to do; you should also discuss why you want those things to happen. The why is almost more important than the wish itself and it can tell you a lot about each other.
- For example, maybe you want to travel to the Japanese countryside because your grandparents met there and their love story has been an important inspiration for you.
- Talk about what you're proud of...and what you're not proud of. It’s easy and fun to talk about what you’re the most proud of and what we take pride in does say a lot about us. However, a much more intimate act is to talk about the things that you don’t like about yourself. Talk about the things that you want to change or improve and why those things matter so much to you.
- For example, you might talk about how you hate that you apologize for everything and you want to be better about asserting yourself, especially in family situations.
- This kind of conversation has to be done in the right way, however. You don’t want your partner feeling like they showed up for the pity parade. It’s also important for your own mental health that you don’t focus on the negative side of seeking self-improvement.
- Ask for advice. Asking your partner for advice can be very intimate. We’re not talking about seeing what they think about your shoes, though. You should ask them for serious advice for serious problems that you’re facing in your life. Admitting that you need help with the tough stuff to someone you’re very close to is not only a good, healthy habit in relationships, it is also very intimate because it’s such a difficult thing to do.
- For example, you might be struggling with your mom, who thinks your choice to go to vocational school rather than a liberal arts university is pretty much the worst thing you could do to her. Ask for some advice on what you should do and how you can help her understand your decision.
- Talk about your relationship. You can also talk about who you are as a couple. Talk about what you have in common, what your differences are, what your hopes are for your future as a couple, where you want things to go between you, etc. These are all sometimes uncomfortable conversations that might make you feel shy or embarrassed but there’s a good reason to talk about things like this. Not only will you have a better picture of what you can expect from your partner, but you’ll also feel closer to them because of that added feeling of security.
- Ask things like, “How do I make your life better?”, “What is your favorite thing that we have in common and why?”, and “What good things to you want to come out of this relationship?”.
Tips
- Before making out or playing any of the games that go along with making out, make sure to brush your teeth! No one likes bad breath!
- Just cuddle! Human touch is comforting, and often a great way to... interest people. A cuddle can stay a cuddle, turn into a kiss, or even more. It depends on how you cuddle. Head on shoulder contact stays friendly, but lower hands or prolonged chest-to-chest contact goes further.
- Make sure not only to rely on the physical aspect of your relationship but also to connect and talk with the person you're with. This makes a relationship a great and rewarding one.
- Be adventurous. Don't do the same old thing every time you're together.
- Tell you partner how much you love him/her.
- Respect each others' boundaries. Including your own.
- Look into his eyes and smile.
- Spend quality time together.
- Make sure you know how far you can go with your partner. The last thing you want is being rejected and feeling guilty.
- A good atmosphere usually have very rewarding results.
- Compliment each other.
- Tell your partner what you like, and what you don't prefer.
- Don't always go for a make out session. Only do it when the mood feels right and you are both feeling it.
- Don't go in for sex straight away there's no rush.
- Recite him or her a poem to tell them how you feel.
Warnings
- Some of these tips could lead to sex. If that's not what you want, say so! Don't be afraid to speak up.
