Get Your Boyfriend to Cuddle With You

Some guys love to cuddle, but a shy or reserved boyfriend can take more convincing. If the relationship just started, it may take some time for it to become more intimate. Whichever stage you're at, remember to communicate with respect and honesty.

Steps

Starting a Cuddling Session

  1. Choose your moment. A quiet moment sitting next to each other is a good time to start a cuddle. Try arranging a candlelit movie night, and bring along a blanket to snuggle under if the weather is cold. You could also try a moment after a date that's gone particularly well, when you feel extra close and happy.
  2. Lay your head on your boyfriend's shoulder. Scoot closer and lean on him. Hopefully he should take the hint and respond.
  3. Put your hand on him. Put your hand on his knee, or wrap your arm around his shoulder and hug him close.
  4. Look into his eyes. If he hasn't moved toward you yet, turn and look at his face, and smile. If you like, you can lean in for a kiss.
  5. Ask him to cuddle. Some guys are shy and nervous about misinterpreting signals. Tell him you'd like to cuddle, and let him respond at his own pace. If he still doesn't respond, have a conversation about it, as described in the next section.

Encouraging More Cuddling

  1. Talk to your boyfriend. Open, honest communication is vital to a relationship. Non-sexual physical intimacy may not be as important to your boyfriend as it is to you. Be clear about what you're looking for and why, or he may not realize how much this matters.
    • Express your feelings using sentences that begin with "I." This is more effective than accusing him or complaining about his behavior.
  2. Listen to his response. Give him your full attention, and encourage him to give feedback on what you said. The more you listen without judgement or anger, the more comfortable he'll be about opening up to you.
    • Pay attention to his body posture and tone of voice as well. If he seems stiff or uncommunicative, something is bothering him. It may take several patient attempts before he discusses it.
  3. Understand male perspectives. Many guys have been conditioned to think that showing emotion is a weakness. Your boyfriend may feel vulnerable or insecure when cuddling, or feel that it doesn't match a tough, macho persona. If you think this may be the case, be patient and let him adjust slowly. It takes time for him to let down his shell and show a softer side. Even men who don't seem macho on the surface are often slower to show affection than women.
    • Many men are more willing to show affection in private. Ask him if there are types of affection he'd rather you didn't show in public, at least for now.
  4. Realize that people have different needs. Perhaps your boyfriend is comfortable showing intimacy, but doesn't do so as often as you'd like. In this case, understand that he probably has a lower threshold of intimacy than you do. Some people are happiest sharing physical intimacy a couple times a week, or prefer small shared moments to hours of spooning. Respect his desire for alone time or low-key activities, and ask him to respect your desire to set aside more intimate time as well.
  5. Put this in the context of your intimacy. Respect that your boyfriend has a different comfort level about these activities than you do. Here are a couple discussions you could have depending on where you are in the relationship:
    • If you are not sexually intimate, your boyfriend may not be ready for the same level of intimacy that you are. You may need to put the brakes on and let him advance the relationship at his pace.
    • If you are sexually intimate, your boyfriend might see this as all the physical intimacy you need. Explain that non-sexual intimacy fills different needs for you.
  6. Advance intimacy with patience. Find out what your boyfriend is comfortable with at this stage. Try holding his hand and gently caressing it with your thumb, hugging, or stealing a kiss when you walk down the street. If he pulls away or doesn't seem to enjoy these, try to find something more subtle. However, if he does seem to enjoy these, slowly and gradually make your affectionate attempts more obvious and frequent. Always remember, as soon as he becomes uncomfortable, abort the mission and go back to a level he enjoys. Over time, he should take the hint and start to reciprocate more. Advance this at a gradual pace and you'll get to the cuddling station in the end.
    • Rushing this is a big mistake. If you push him to do something he's not comfortable with, he may resent this and become less cooperative.
  7. Address long-term lack of intimacy. Yes, patience and compromise are keys to a relationship, but this is a two-way street. If your partner doesn't listen to you or take this discussion seriously, he is not meeting his end of the relationship. Make it clear to him that you expect him to respect your feelings, and make an honest effort to find a compromise. If you feel starved for affection and see no attempt at improvement, it may be time to end the relationship.

Tips

  • Don't be afraid to ask or to initiate cuddling. Some guys find it attractive when the girl takes the lead.

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