Get a Girl to Like You when She Has No Interest in Relationships

Getting a girl to like you when she appears to have no interest in relationships is difficult, but not impossible. If you hear a girl saying she "isn’t ready for a relationship", she might be referencing a recent break-up, or unwanted attention she is receiving from another guy.[1][2] If you a like a girl who doesn't like relationships, strike up a conversation or invite her out with a group of friends. The best way to get a girl to like you is respect her, be a good friend, and be patient.

Steps

Approaching a Girl You Like

  1. Consider why you want this girl to like you. Ask yourself why you are attracted to girl. For example, she might sense that your interest is purely physical or superficial, and avoid you.[3] If this is the only type of attention she receives from guys, then she might be jaded or feel under-appreciated.[4][5][6] Before approaching her, step back and determine what you look for in a relationship. Next, ask yourself if she is good relationship material based on these qualities:
    • Integrity: is she honest with both herself and others, trustworthy, and dependable. Can you be upfront with each other about your thoughts and fears.[7]
    • Emotional maturity and self-esteem: no one is perfect, but a willingness to reflect on and learn from the past (and demonstrate what you’ve learned) is a key feature of emotionally mature people. Emotionally immature girls are those that are dependent on others for their self-esteem and well-being, and let their emotions control their actions.[8]
    • Supportive and committed to personal growth: she has her own interests and actively pursues them, has a general positive attitude about life (even when face with difficult circumstances), and she maintains good relationships with family and friends and encourages those around her.[9][7] However, someone that constantly puts their own interests above others, and are overly competitive or judgmental do not make good partners.
  2. Make yourself more attractive to women. One of the ways to get a girl to notice you is to make yourself more attractive in how you look and act.[10] By making small changes, you can not only make yourself more attractive to women, but also improve your self-confidence. It is often the little things that will make you stand out, such as practicing good hygiene and doing something nice for others (even when she isn't around).[10]
    • Clean-up your appearance: this shows you have self-respect and take care of yourself. Make sure you wear clean and unwrinkled clothing, shower at least every other day, keep your hair combed, and your beard shaved or trimmed short.[10][11]
    • Practice good oral hygiene, brushing your teeth twice a day and avoiding foods that cause bad breath (such as coffee or garlic).[12] Avoid wearing too much cologne or body spray – instead, stick with a neutral aftershave or deodorant.
    • Relax and be confident: don’t let your fear of being turned down overcome your ability to talk to your crush, even if it seems she is at first not interested in you. Girls don’t like being around or interacting with men who lack confidence.[13] Also, girls find laid-back and less stressed men more attractive and enjoyable to be around.[14]
  3. Talk to a girl you like, even if she seems uninterested. Let her know you exist by initiating conversation and establishing a friendly relationship with her. Put yourself out there in a way that shows you are interested without seeming too pushy or aggressive. Ask her a question about herself or a topic you are both interested in, such as: "hey, I just started watching (name of TV show). Who is your favorite character or what was your favorite season".[15] Make a general statement about the weather, school, or something you are eating. Break the ice by asking them a favor, such as help with a project or your homework. Avoid talking about politics, religion, past relationships, or traumatic events.
    • Catch her attention by making eye contact and smile when talking. Avoid speaking too fast or in a high pitch – this will make you look nervous.[16]
    • If walking next to one another, slow down. This will make you appear more laid-back and approachable – good qualities in both a friend and boyfriend.[17]
    • Remember to be respectful. Respect her decision to stay single. Move on without question her decision. It is important to realize some people are not compatible.
  4. Don’t send mixed signals about your feelings. The term mixed feelings refers to the difference between how others perceive you and how you see yourself.[18] One of the reasons she may be uninterested in having a relationship with you is you send mixed signals. For example, you constantly brag about going on dates or being interested in other women, or you regularly blow off friends.[19]
    • Talk yourself up without bragging. Mention accomplishments you are proud of, or goals you had and how you achieved them. For example: "That English assignment or math test was rough, but my studying paid off" or "my months of training paid off in the half-marathon, maybe I will run the full marathon next year".
    • Be more upfront and open about your feelings. One of the mixed messages you may be sending is that you are cold or pessimistic. Make a goal of saying one positive thing a day about someone else.[20]
  5. Be a good friend. If she is truly uninterested in a relationship, or there is something going on in her life (family, school, work, health issues, etc.) preventing her from having a relationship, do not pressure her. The only, and best thing, you can be right now is a good friend and confidant. You want to be supportive, but not overbearing.[21] This is especially important if she is facing a personal problem, such as a death or illness in the family.[22]
    • Create space and respect her privacy. Do not try to fix her problems or constantly offer advice. Simply let her know you are there and are willing to listen.
    • Be a good listener. Do not jump in with your opinion and resist the urge to fix everything. Let them talk things out and come to terms with things on their own.
    • Make plans as a group and include her. Offer to pick her up or pay for her. Simple acts of kindness, as long as there are no strings attached, can go a long way.

Asking Her on a Date

  1. Get to know her in an informal setting. If you are already friends and want to take things to the next level, then ignore this step. However, if you just met or are only casual acquaintances, spend time together in a group or ask her out indirectly. This might require you to have a good opener or conversation starter. Start with a pre-opener: whenever you see her, make eye contact, smile, and say “hi”.[23] Next, start a general conversation. Compliment her on her achievements, or ask about her interests (music, movies, books, hobbies, etc.).[24] Use this general conversation as a starting point for developing a closer relationship based on common interests and/or shared goals.
    • Be patient. Some girls are naturally more open about themselves and talkative, whereas others might be more shy or hesitant at first.
    • Never use cheesy pick-up lines. Not only does this set a bad impression, but it can also be offensive.
  2. Ask a girl out on a date. You can be upfront and ask her out directly, or use a more indirect approach such as asking what she is doing this weekend and if she has any plans.[25] Which approach you choose depends on the situation and personalities. Other indirect examples include: asking whether she’s been to a certain restaurant, and wondering if she wants to check it out with you; or phrase it as an opportunity, such as “we are both free this weekend and the weather looks nice, so why don’t we do something together”. Remember, at this stage you are only asking her to go on a date (to a movie, concert, dinner, etc.), not if she wants to be your girlfriend.[26]
    • Make it clear you just want to hang out. Don't talk about relationships or ask her to be your girlfriend.
    • Do not corner a girl or make her feel trapped (physically) when asking her out. She might say no because she feels uncomfortable and intimidated.[24]
    • If she seems reluctant to go on a date with you, invite her to do something with a group of friends. Organize a picnic or go to a dinner and a movie with a couple friends.
  3. Make a good first date impression. On your first date (or first time you hang out), your goals should be to make sure she has a good time, you express your feelings in a way that are clear but not over the top, and you do not try anything too extravagant, expensive, or romantic. Go on a group date or do something in a public place rather than inviting her to spend time with you alone.[13] Take the lead in deciding what you will do and where you will go on the date. Do your homework – ask her if she has any food preferences, make reservations if necessary, and avoid places that are upscale and pricey.[27]
    • Make an effort with your appearance – wash and comb your hair, brush your teeth, do not wear too much cologne, and wear clean, unwrinkled clothes.
    • Do not overindulge in alcohol, be considerate, and practice good manners. These involve not dominating the conversation, turning off your phone and giving her your full attention, and be kind to others.[28]
    • Avoid discussing controversial topics, such as politics, old relationships, complaining about your job, or sex. Instead, focus on good topics such as the news (and her opinion on current events), family, travel (either places you’ve been or want to go in the future), or your thoughts on love and what makes a good relationship.[29]

Getting Her to Like You

  1. Become a better friend to both her and her friends. Friendships are the foundation of good relationships. The first step to being a good friend is paying attention to what her and her friends say.[30] Avoid talking only about yourself and your interests. Give her your fill attention by not looking bored or distracted. Put your phone away and make eye-contact when you talk. While being a good friend can backfired and get you “friend zoned”, more often it is a way to show you are kind, caring, and committed.[31]
  2. Joke around and tease one another. When done affectionately, light teasing is a subtle way to show you are interested.[32] For example, make-up a funny story about travelling to a different country or pretend your house is haunted. Lightheartedly tease her about her taste in music, or a weird food she likes, and then follow it up with a compliment.[33][34]
    • Other examples of teasing include light tickling, placing your hands over someone eyes and saying “guess who”, or giving them a light shove or nudge on the back or arm.
    • Show you are teasing by using an exaggerated tone of voice, facial expressions, or a smile.[35]
  3. Try to flirt with her. When flirting, you want to start with something subtle, such as making eye contact, smiling, and then quickly looking away.[36] You can also compliment her or act like an old-fashioned gentleman by holding doors, offering to buy her coffee, or carrying her books. If you know one another and are comfortable around each other, try brushing a strand of hair off her face, give her a hug, or sit next to her. If she is interested in you, she will start flirting back.
  4. Play hard to get. One way to get a girl not to like you is to come off as too needy, clingy, or desperate. If your relationship has stalled, consider giving her some space. Start talking to other girls, and playing hard to get. By creating a challenge, you make yourself look more desirable.[37]
    • Hold back some of your feelings in the beginning of the relationship. Maintaining a sense of mystery and uncertainty helps keeps things interesting – and perhaps kindle romantic feelings.[38] For example, don't tell her how much you like her and talk about your "future" together the first time you hang out.
    • Give her some space. While you do not want to stand her up if you’ve made plans, don’t text or call her every day. Your absence may lead her to realize how much she actually cares for you.
  5. Consider keeping things casual. If you like her and she likes you, but is afraid or nervous of commitment, you can always decide to maintain a casual relationship.[39] Casual relationships are non-exclusive romantic relationships. While you might see each other on a semi-regular basis, you are open to flirt with or go out with others. Especially if you are between the ages of 18 to 24, having an open, casual relationship can help you grow emotionally and become more comfortable interacting with the opposite sex.[40] In a casual relationship, it is important to establish ground rules to minimize the risk of someone getting hurt:[41]
    • Is it okay to go out in public?
    • Is it okay if others know, or should the relationship be kept secret?
    • What happens when one person becomes romantic with someone else? Will you tell each other if this happens?
    • How often do you want to see each other? When is it okay to call or text?
    • Do not ask questions that are condescending or accusing, such as: how many people are you seeing? Where were you last night? Why didn't you return my calls? Can I add you on Facebook?
    • If you cannot agree to these terms, than you probably should not pursue a casual relationship. Tell her your feelings and let her know you’re interested, but that you should remain friends if she feels she can't commit to something more serious.

Tips

  • Above all: Truly respect her. Respect her thoughts, respect her feelings, respect her interests. Familiarize yourself with what she likes and doesn't like and you'll be able to present yourself as much more than 'just another guy'.
  • A person who has no interest in relationships of any kind is sometimes a person who's been hurt. Don't push them and don't use the word "relationship" or the phrase "getting closer". You need a strong friendship before a hurt person can open up.
  • Developing yourself as a person...your talents, interests, and good nature, will make you more attractive. Refocus on making yourself more attractive rather than forcing a certain person to like you. You just might end up with someone even better for you!
  • Know when to give up. It is rarely worth it to spend much time on girls who claim they aren't ready for relationships. If they don't like you, then you have no business trying to win them over. It's only going to cause you pain.
  • Respect her decision and right to say no. You can’t force her to like you.
  • Be upfront about your feelings. After a few dates, if you still don’t know how she feels about you, then take things into your own hands. Express your feelings in a way that is subtle. Something too over the top or romantic may come off too strong.
  • Rethink how you're approaching this. Some people just don't get along. If the girl doesn't like you, there isn't much you can do to change that.
  • If a girl doesn't like you or tells you she's not ready for a relationship it could be because she is already in a relationship that she wants to keep secret. Respect her choice and move on.
  • Some girls have other priorities in their life, such as their education, work, family obligations, religious beliefs, or sports that take precedence over being in a relationship.
  • Do not put your whole life on hold while you are trying to get into a relationship with a girl who is "not ready for a relationship." You do not want to pass over a relationship opportunity with a great girl because you are waiting on someone else.
  • There are some girls that don’t want to be in an exclusive or romantic relationship with you. Being a close friend is enough for her for now. Overtime, if you remain close, something more may develop between you. For now, do not force things and respect her decisions.
  • If she decides she doesn’t want to date you, don’t take it personally. Use it as a learning experience, and move on.[42]

Warnings

  • If she tells you directly “I am not interested in a relationship right now” or “I already have a boyfriend”, take the hint that she does not want to be in a romantic relationship with you.[2][43]
  • Never get into a situation where you feel you are being manipulated, embarrassed, or taken advantage of. Relationships should be mutually beneficial – if you feel she takes you for granted or is overly dependent, it probably means she isn’t genuinely interested in you.[44]
  • Inappropriate comments, unwanted affection and touching, or lewd gestures are never okay and can constitute sexual harassment.[1][45]
  • Never force a girl to do anything sexual on a date, or take advantage of a girl who is intoxicated. Rape and date rape are serious criminal offenses.[46][46][47]
  • Respect a woman’s right to set the boundaries of your relationship, and respect her if she decides to date other people.[42]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://www.women-on-the-road.com/unwanted-male-attention.html
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/the-only-effective-way-to-reject-men-20140605-39k7z.html
  3. ↑ people.uncw.edu/hakanr/documents/unwantedsexattention.pdf
  4. ↑ https://www2.twu.ca/cpsy/theses/heinrichskristelle.pdf
  5. ↑ http://www.apa.org/education/ce/sexual-objectification.pdf
  6. ↑ http://newyorksociologist.org/11/Berberick2011.pdf
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/relationships/Relationship-Partner-Qualities.cfm
  8. ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/what-to-look-for-in-a-partner/
  9. ↑ http://www.lacasa.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/What-to-Look-For-in-a-Partner.pdf
  10. ↑ 10.0 10.1 10.2 http://teens.webmd.com/boys/features/how-do-i-get-a-girlfriend
  11. ↑ http://beheco.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2012/01/12/beheco.arr214.abstract
  12. ↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2182380/Smile-Why-white-teeth-sign-good-health-make-attractive.html
  13. ↑ 13.0 13.1 http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15128/1/Dating-Tips-for-Men-When-a-Girl-Wants-You-to-Approach-Her.html
  14. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-attract-the-opposite-sex-2013-7#men-need-to-take-a-deep-breath-and-relax-11
  15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety
  16. ↑ http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/7-ways-to-get-her-to-like-you?page=3
  17. ↑ http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/7-ways-to-get-her-to-like-you?page=2
  18. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200908/mixed-signals
  19. ↑ http://elitedaily.com/dating/6-reasons-mixed-signals-exist/712555/
  20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200908/mixed-signals
  21. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-newlin/how-to-be-when-a-friend-i_b_5565236.html
  22. ↑ http://www.canadianliving.com/relationships/love_and_romance/how_to_be_supportive_when_your_partner_faces_a_personal_problem.php
  23. ↑ http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating-tips-men/the-opener-the-best-ways-to-approach-a-woman/#.VO4TuPnF9nI
  24. ↑ 24.0 24.1 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/30/how-to-approach-a-woman-according-to-women-on-reddit-advice-for-men_n_1720574.html
  25. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/5-ways-indirectly-ask-date
  26. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-ryan/if-youre-exclusive-does-t_b_3917622.html
  27. ↑ http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/overnight-expert-how-to-master-the-first-date
  28. ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/7906978/The-Inside-Out-Dating-Guide-2-10-tips-for-a-first-date.html
  29. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/first-date-tips-what-to-t_b_5222357.html
  30. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
  31. ↑ http://psp.sagepub.com/content/20/4/391.abstract
  32. ↑ http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/thinking-about-teasing-something-ive-never-thought-much-about
  33. ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/07/magazine/07teasing-t.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
  34. ↑ http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/7-ways-to-get-her-to-like-you?page=3
  35. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199911/how-poke-fun
  36. ↑ http://www.simplybodylanguage.com/flirting-tips-for-guys.html
  37. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/escape-the-friend-zone-friend-girlfriend-or-boyfriend
  38. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thriving101/201102/playing-hard-get-can-help-you-get-the-girl
  39. ↑ http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/05/maintain-casual-relationship/
  40. ↑ http://www.alternet.org/story/147884/6_reasons_to_have_casual_sex
  41. ↑ http://www.piop.net/casual-dating/
  42. ↑ 42.0 42.1 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/dealing-with-rejection_b_3705663.html
  43. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/the-guyliner/kind-way-to-turn-down-a-date_b_3675987.html
  44. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/escape-the-friend-zone-friend-girlfriend-or-boyfriend
  45. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sexual-intelligence/201206/sexual-harassment-or-unwanted-sexual-attention
  46. ↑ 46.0 46.1 http://www.usciences.edu/shac/counseling/daterape.shtml
  47. ↑ http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/types-of-violence/dating-violence.html
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