Know if You're in Love
There are many different kinds of love and there's no single way to know whether you're really feeling it — or just in the throes of a serious infatuation. Still, if you pay attention to how you feel and act around your special someone, you should be able to figure out whether you're really in love. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps.
Contents
Steps
Noticing What You Think
- See if you can’t picture a future without your loved one. If you’re really in love, then you shouldn't be able to picture your future without them. Whether at night, or in the morning, or with your friends, the fact that you can't stop means you're in love, and may have found "the one". Whether thinking of moving to a new city, having children, spending a year abroad, or reaching any of your future goals, you should be thinking of doing these things with your significant other by your side. If you can’t imagine going through life without your significant other — not just next summer, or next year ,or whenever— then you may be truly in love. Here are some other signs that you’re truly in love:
- If you can't think about starting a new chapter of your life, whether it's a new job or a move to a new place, without your loved one at your side.
- If you've thought about having children but can't imagine having kids with anyone other than your loved one.
- If you can't imagine growing old without your loved one by your side.
- See if you can’t go a few hours without thinking of your loved one. To be in love, you don’t have to be obsessive about your loved one; in fact, quite the opposite is true. If you have a healthy loving relationship, then you should be able to spend time apart from your loved one without obsessing over what he or she is doing every five seconds. However, if you can go a whole weekend, or a whole month, without your loved one once crossing your mind, then you may like him a lot, but you may not necessarily have reached the love stage yet. Here are some other signs that you’re really in love:
- If you read a book or see a movie without your loved one, you may wonder what he or she would think of it.
- If you're trying on clothes without your special someone, you may think about how he would like your new look.
- If you call or text your loved one just because you want to say hi or hear his or her voice, then you may be falling in love.
- See if you truly value the opinions of your loved one. If you’re really in love, then you won’t just be thinking of your loved one as a perfect object that should be worshipped, but as a living, breathing human being with an interesting perspective and many unique opinions. If you’re really in love, then you should value your loved one’s opinion and should care about what he or she thinks, whether it’s about your next career move or the political situation in your country. Though you don’t have to care what he or she thinks about absolutely everything, if you don’t truly value the input of your loved one, then you may not be in love yet. Here are some signs that you’ve truly found the one:
- If you take your loved one's ideas into account when you're making a big decision, then you take your partner seriously enough to be in love.
- If you're in a difficult social situation and value your special someone's opinion of what you should do, then you may be falling in love.
- If you care what your loved one thinks about the news, politics, art, or anything else that truly matters to you, then you may be falling in love.
- See if your loved one makes you want to be a better person. If you’re really in love, then you shouldn't just be completely comfortable in your status quo, even if you’re very content with your loved one. Though being happy with the relationship you have and the person that you are is essential, being with your loved one should make you want to take your life to the next level and to be the best person you can possibly be—eventually. Here are some more signs that you’re truly in love:
- If you want to read more, know more, care more, and just to be a more well-rounded person not just to please your loved one but because he or she really motivates you to want to change your life in a positive way, then you may be in love.
- If you want to work on addressing your flaws and developing your character just from being around your loved one, then you may be falling in love.
- See if you feel like the best version of yourself when you’re with your loved one. If you’re in love, then the person you love should bring out the best in you. After all, if you’re in love, then you should want to be with the person you’re with for the rest of your life, so that person should make you feel like your best self. If you feel like you can never fully be who you are, or that you’re inadequate in some way when you’re around your loved one, then you may not be in love. Here are some signs that you’ve fallen in love:
- If you feel at your most handsome or beautiful when you're around your loved one, even if you're just rocking a casual look.
- If you feel like you're at your smartest and sharpest when you're talking something through with your partner.
- If you feel your most confident around your loved one, and never have to worry if you're going to sound stupid when you begin to say something.
- See if you’re aware of your loved one’s flaws – and are okay with them. If you’re really in love, then you should be able to see your significant other as a real live human being with real human flaws – not as a god or a goddess. If you insist that your loved one is perfect, then you have a real problem. But if you’re comfortable admitting that your loved one can be a bit selfish or isn’t the world’s greatest listener, then you have a more realistic perspective on the relationship and are much more likely to be in love for real.
- Being aware of your loved one's flaws doesn't mean you shouldn't help him or her address them if that's the right thing to do.
- If you can't possibly think of two or three things that make your special someone less than perfect, then you may not be truly seeing the person for who he or she is.
- If you and your loved one are comfortable enough with each other to laugh about one another's flaws, then you're more likely to be really in love.
Noticing What You Do
- See if you take pleasure in helping your loved one. Love is about give and take. If you’re in love, then you should enjoy the giving just as much as the taking. You should take pleasure in making your loved one lunch, giving him or her a ride when s/he needs one, or even doing your loved one’s laundry if he or she is having a rough week. Though you shouldn't get taken advantage of, you should be able to enjoy helping your loved one when he needs it, and be prepared to be helped in return. Here are some more signs that you're really in love:
- If you feel good about getting your loved one coffee or surprising him with a dessert from your favorite bakery without feeling like you're wasting your precious time.
- If you enjoy teaching your loved one how to do something, whether it's to make the perfect burger or to solve a complicated math problem.
- See if your loved one makes you laugh. Love doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Sure, you can spend hours staring longingly into the eyes of your loved one, but that can get a little boring. If you’re really in love, then you should be able to goof off and laugh with your loved one, and to enjoy the sense of humor of your loved one. Though neither of you have to be comedians for your relationship to work, it helps to be able to laugh with each other from time to time. This shows that you’re comfortable enough (and happy enough) with each other to be in love.
- If your special someone has the ability to make you crack up even when you're in the worst of moods, then you may be falling in love.
- See if you enjoy doing the little things with your loved one. True love isn't like an episode of The Bachelor — though taking a helicopter ride with your loved one or having a romantic picnic in a vineyard can be intensely romantic and an incredible experience, real love means being able to find the fun in the mundane things with your loved one, from having a beer or two at your local bar to buying kitty litter and stopping to get ice cream on the way home. Here are some signs that you truly appreciate all of the time you spend with your loved one:
- If you like just sitting around and watching your favorite TV show with your loved one.
- If you like stepping out to get ice cream with your loved one as much as you like enjoying a delicious fancy four-course meal together.
- If you enjoy a night in with your loved one as much as you like the occasional extravagant date.
- See if you’ve made it through the tough times. Love isn’t a bed of roses, though if you’re truly in love, the good days should far outnumber the bad, and you should be comfortable staying in your relationship during less-than-ideal circumstances, from a job loss to the death of a loved one. Tough situations can test the strength of your relationship, and if you’ve never had to overcome a significant hurdle with your loved one, then you may not have enough information to know if you’re in love yet.
- If you were able to work through a tough problem in your relationship, whether it was trying to make it work with one of your insanely busy schedules or dealing with one person's disappointment in a major life event, then your relationship should be stronger for it.
- If you were able to stay strong during the death of a loved one, then you're more likely to feel truly in love.
- See if you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone for your loved one. If you’re really in love, then you should be willing to try something new and unexpected for your loved one, even if it makes you a little scared or queasy. This doesn’t mean that you should walk across hot coals or embarrass yourself just to win over the person you love, but it does mean that you should be ready to take a far-away trip to see your loved one’s distant relatives in Guatemala or go on a hike or two with your loved one if he’s obsessed with hiking.
- If you're willing to do something that you thought you would never do, such as learn a new language or learn to swim, because it's really important for your loved one, then you're more likely to be in love.
- If you've found yourself being more comfortable with being uncomfortable, with or without your loved one, then you may be in love.
- See if you’re willing to compromise for your loved one. If you’re really in love, then you should know that you can’t always get your way. If your loved one is always giving in to your demands because you’re so stubborn, then you’re not really in love. Being in love means getting what you want sometimes, and letting your loved one get what s/he wants sometimes; or better yet, finding a solution that makes both people happy.
- If you're in love, then you should not only be able to compromise with your loved one, but you should feel good about reaching a decision together, instead of feeling like you didn't really get what you wanted.
- If you're really in love, then both people should be able to compromise, instead of one person doing all the giving in every time.
- See if you’re comfortable with maintaining your individuality. If you’re really in love, then you shouldn't turn into a clone of your loved one, copying all of his or her interests and hobbies and shedding anything that gave you pleasure before you started your relationship. Instead, you should be able to maintain your sense of self while growing together with the person that you love. If you’re truly in love, then you should be doing the following things:
- Being comfortable hanging out with your friends without your special someone, and letting him or her do the same.
- Being okay with maintaining your own interests, such as yoga or soccer, even if your special someone doesn't do them.
- Being happy having some alone time instead of always hanging out with your significant other.
Noticing What You Say
- See if you can truly say what’s on your mind in front of your loved one. If you’re really in love, then you shouldn't hold back when you talk to your loved one. This doesn't mean that you should tell him or her every little thing that’s bothering you or nag him or her because you feel like you’re being honest, but it does mean that you should be comfortable enough in your relationship to be able to bring up something that’s bothering you, or sharing your true feelings, without feeling like it’s not worth it because your loved one will be bored, angry, or just won’t care.
- If you can tell your boyfriend or girlfriend exactly how you feel about something without worrying that you sound immature or stupid, then you may be falling in love.
- If you're okay with cracking a joke, no matter how corny it may be, then you and your loved one are on the same page.
- See if you’re happy to spend hours talking about nothing with your loved one. If you’re really in love, then you and your loved one don’t have to have deep discussions about the meaning of life or about the status of your relationship all the time. A lot of love lies in the little things, and most of your conversation won’t be earth-shattering or celestial, and that’s perfectly okay.
- If you’re really in love, then you should be happy dissecting the latest episode of Breaking Bad with your loved one, or making small talk during a baseball game, and feeling that it’s enough.
- If you've gotten off the phone with your loved one after laughing the whole time and wondering, "What did we just talk about?" then you may be in love.
- See if you’re comfortable revealing your weaknesses to your loved one. If you’re truly in love, then you should be comfortable enough to let your loved one to see the real you, even if that means showing your less-than-flattering side. If everything you say is devised to make your significant other like you or want to be with you even more, then you’re not comfortable with him enough to be really in love.
- If you’re willing to open up and talk about your past mistakes or grievances, then you’re more likely to be in love.
- You don't have to tell the person you love every last thing that has caused you pain, but you should be able to feel better after mentioning it. If you're in love, you'll accept each other, flaws and all.
- See if you’re always finding new ways to compliment your significant other. If you’re really in love, then when you feel the urge to compliment your partner, you should feel a fresh thought come to mind. If all you can think of is, “You’re so hot” or “You’re so funny,” then you have to dig deeper to find why you really love the person you’re with. You should be able to compliment the strong suits of the person you’re with — inside and out.
- If you're always finding yourself pleasantly surprised by the seemingly endless good qualities that your loved one demonstrates, then you may be in love.
- If you often tell your special someone things you love about him or her — and really mean it — then you may be in love.
- If you're in love, then you will notice them for their inner beauty, not (only) their outer beauty.
Tips
- If just the sight of them brings a smile to your face and makes you excited, then you probably love them. Especially if just thinking of them makes you happier.
- When you're listening to love songs and you think about "that special person", it may be a sign that you are in love.
- When you're in love and you see him/her, you might feel a sudden shock in your heart and your heart might beat faster.
- If you like them, you will blush and feel embarrassed around them. If you really like them or love them, you will feel self-conscious, yet comfortable around them.
- Your heart may pound very fast, you may be blushing or be excited and nervous. Remember to have patience in love. Timing is everything.
- They make you get a surge of happiness or excitement, but most importantly they inspire you to be the best you even if they don't return the love.
- When you're in love, you constantly try to look for them or search for them.
- Don't rush love! Find someone perfect for you. Don't force yourself to "love" somebody just because they're popular, or you think you should.
- If you can't say their name without smiling, you might be in love.
- If you would be willing to wait for someone or stay in a certain area for a long period of time, then it's probably love.
- When you're in love you might not be able to sleep because you can't stop thinking about them.
- Do whatever is needed and best for this person, even if it's not what you want.
- If you get butterflies just thinking about them. Then you could be in love.
- If you are nervous around the person and your heart "skips a beat" when the person talks to you, you could be in love.
- If you feel like you love the person, you will automatically will define them and be on their sides when something wrong happens.
- You may not act like you like them around others but you can feel it in your heart.
- You find yourself doing whatever it takes.
- If you want to go wherever they are going then it might be love or you are obsessed.
- If you are dating but haven't been dating for a long time, then don't assume you love them and will always love them. Making big decisions like getting married or losing your virginity may seem like a good idea at the time, but you may later realize that you don't love the person and feel you've made a mistake. Take your time, but don't be pessimistic or you may lose out on actual love.
- Don't say you are in love if you aren't sure.
- You may want to talk to the person but just don't know how to.
- You have to know if he/she checks you out.
- You feel awkward and out of place when you're around them, that may be a sign.
- If you feel like all you want from them is their body, then it may be lust not love.
- If you completely trust and care for someone, but don't ever think about sexual desires, you may just care for them as a very close friend.
- If you really love someone, tell him/her as soon as possible.
- When you feel like you would do anything to protect your loved one, it may be a sign of love.
- If you get jealous when they hook up with someone else, you like them. But, if you are okay with their life choices and want the best for them, that means you truly love them.
- If they are the last thing you think about at night you may be in love.
- If when you are reading this page and you are thinking of just one person, you are probably in love with them.
Warnings
- What you think is love might actually be infatuation or lust.
- Many people confuse liking someone with loving them. See tips.
