Make Acquaintances Good Friends

Now and then, you'll meet someone and instantly feel like you've known each other forever. Your personalities and sense of humor are so perfectly aligned that you are instantly drawn to each other, and you're the best of friends without a lot of effort. But most friendships take a little time to get going. If there is someone in your circle of friends that you'd like to be friends with, then you can take a chance and reach out to this person and possibly even make a new friend.

Steps

Turning Acquaintances into Friends

  1. Open up. Let your guard down, and share something about yourself that is real. Showing that you are willing to be vulnerable is a great way to bond with someone. With luck, they will reciprocate by sharing something personal with you. This will help deepen your friendship.[1]
    • When you take a risk and trust someone, they will often surprise you.
    • Not everyone will respond the way you want. Some people just won't get you, which can be very disappointing. But this is the way you find out whether an acquaintance has the makings of a true friend.
  2. Show your positive attitude and sense of humor. It's not necessary to fake being happy all the time, but when you don't know someone very well you should try to keep things light and positive. Try to see the humor in every situation and your would-be friend may enjoy being around you more.[2]
    • If you like to make people laugh, don't be afraid to make jokes. A sense of humor is an attractive quality!
    • Just be sure you're not making jokes about other people, which always comes across as meaner than you intended it to be.
  3. Mention common interests. Point out things you both genuinely like – the other person may not realize that you have so much in common. It's okay to open with something like, “I heard you like 90s music...so do I. What's your favorite band?”
    • Don't pretend to like certain things just because your acquaintance does. This always comes across as fake, and it's a big turnoff to most people.
  4. Look for opportunities to spend more time with an acquaintance. The best way to deepen any relationship is to create memories together. Be inventive, and come up with a way to spend more quality time with your soon-to-be friend. As long as the activity is something you are genuinely interested in, this will be perfectly natural.[3]
    • If your new friend belongs to a book club, chess club, or theater group, see if you can join.
    • If he or she participates in charity work, volunteer your time and help out.
  5. Invite an acquaintance to an event. Your acquaintance may invite you to do something, but you will also have to take the initiative to invite him or her to do some things as well. Consider your acquaintance’s likes and dislikes to find something that he or she would really enjoy.
    • If one of your acquaintance's favorite bands is coming to town, buy tickets and invite him or her to go with you. He or she will probably be thrilled. If he or she can't go for some reason, you can always find someone else to take the other ticket.[3]
    • If you invite the person to go see a movie, have a specific movie in mind that you think the person might like to see based on his or her interests. This shows you've been paying attention to what the person likes.[3]
    • Watch for other possible opportunities to spend time with the person. Pay attention to upcoming events, especially things your acquaintance has expressed interest in. See if he or she wants to go with you to a game, a gallery opening, a flea market, or a big sale.
  6. Take a class together. Is there something that you and this person would both like to learn more about? Taking a class together is a great way to bond with your acquaintance and become friends. Try checking local event listings or your local community college to get some ideas about what classes are available.
    • For example, you and your acquaintance might enjoy learning a new style of dance, taking a pottery class, or learning to play the ukulele.[3]
  7. Establish a ritual. If there is something that you and an acquaintance enjoy doing together – like seeing a movie, or going bowling – try to get into the habit of getting together on a regular basis. Go bowling on the first Saturday of the month, or see a new movie every weekend. People love rituals, and the predictability factor may make you feel that you are closer friends.
  8. Be generous. One of the most unattractive qualities in a person is being stingy with your time, money, or emotions. Offer to help an acquaintance if you know he or she needs something – don't wait and force the other person to ask for help. Think about the people around you, and try to find ways to make their lives a little better. Small, sweet gestures often take people by surprise, and are always well received.[4]
    • If you are heading to the vending machines, ask the people you are with if you can get them anything.
    • If you see that an acquaintance is struggling in a class that you take together, see if he or she would like to study with you sometime. Don't act like you're smarter than this person are; just say that you could use a study-buddy.

Meeting New Friends

  1. Make eye contact. While you don’t need to stare directly into someone's eyes when you first meet, making natural occasional eye contact can show that you are engaged and interested. This is especially important when you are having a conversation with someone. If your eyes are darting all over the place when someone is trying to talk to you, it might send a message that you are not interested in what he or she is saying.[5]
    • Try to make direct eye contact now and then, and hold it for a slow count of three.
    • Even when you are feeling shy and find it difficult to make eye contact, try to force yourself to do it.
  2. Smile at people. Smiling can boost your mood and make the people around you feel happier as well. Smiling can even cause your brain to release endorphins, which are chemicals that act like natural pain killers.[6] Try to smile whenever you meet someone new. For example, you could smile at someone you pass on the sidewalk or in a grocery store.
  3. Compliment people. Try to find something you genuinely like about this person so that your compliment doesn't sound fake or forced. Obviously, there is something you like about this person, or you wouldn't want to become friends.[5]
    • Complimenting a person on their shoes, bag, or necklace is a safe bet. Just be sure you're not saying the same exact thing to them, every time you meet. For example, you might say something like, “Your shoes are so cool!” Or, “I love your dress! It’s so pretty!”
    • If there is something outstanding about this person, even better! “You have the brightest smile I've seen in ages.” “You are always so cheerful! How do you do it?”
    • If someone opens a door for you, you can say, “Chivalry's not dead!” to compliment their nice manners.
    • ”You're so funny!” is always appreciated – everyone likes to think they have a good sense of humor. Just make sure you really mean it, and that you laugh! Saying this without laughing is the worst.
  4. Show your interest. In conversation, always be polite and listen to what your friend is saying. Acting bored can alienate people, and it may cause you to seem self-centered and narcissistic.[4]
    • If you find yourself stuck in a conversation that you can't contribute to, see if you can change the topic of conversation. Try not to interrupt, but when your friend gets to a stopping point, you can bring up something else.
    • Sometimes a friend will want to talk about something very serious or personal when you are in a hurry, or are too distracted by your own thoughts to really pay attention. Ask if you can talk about it later when you can give them your undivided attention.
  5. Avoid teasing or bullying behavior at all costs. Never pick on someone out of spite, for any reason. Even if you think you are being funny, making jokes at the expense of others makes you appear untrustworthy and others may not want to become your close friend. Even if your acquaintances laugh along at the time, they may think you are mean-spirited. They may also wonder whether you will be making fun of them next, and they may not want to stick around to find out.[2]

Being a Better Friend

  1. Give yourself a “personality makeover.” Be honest with yourself, and try to figure out a few things that you tend to do that put people off. Make a “wish list” of what you would do differently if a genie magically gave you the power to change anything. Then pretend to be that better person until the new you comes naturally.[4]
    • If you feel like you're too shy sometimes, go out of your way to be more outgoing in social situations – even if it is uncomfortable.
    • If you feel like you're unreliable at times, and let people down, make it a priority never to make promises you aren't completely positive you'll be able to keep. Then follow through on any plans you make with your friends, every single time.
  2. Be authentic. It's a cliché for a reason: it's important to be yourself. Don't try to become what you think your friend wants you to be. Pretending to be something you’re not can become exhausting, and your run the risk of your friends never truly knowing who you are. Besides, your friends like you because you are you – if you were any different, they wouldn't be your friends in the first place.[2]
  3. Be willing to laugh at yourself. When you make a mistake, own it. And if your friend teases you a little, don't take it personally. Accept that everyone does something embarrassing now and then, and just try to laugh it off. You don’t want your friend to feel like he or she is walking on eggshells around you because he or she is constantly trying not to hurt your feelings by accident.[2]
  4. Behave appropriately for the situation. If your friend is sharing something important with you, don't try to lighten the mood by making jokes. If your friends are trying to relax and have a good time, save any heavy or overly-personal conversations for another time. If you are constantly changing the dynamic of the group, then they may feel that you don't really understand them.[2]
  5. Avoid making everything about you. Don't brag about your accomplishments. If a friend is telling you about something he or she has done that he or she is proud of, don't try to “one-up” your friend. For example, if a friend tells a funny story, don't try to top it with a better one.
  6. Don't keep score. If you always pay for everything, you might need to say something, but the last thing you want to do is act like you think your friend owes you something.[4]
    • Don't keep track of who paid for lunch last time, or who drove last weekend, or who has been chipping in more for gas money.
    • Don't keep track of how often you contact your friend versus how often your friend contacts you. Making a big deal about this may make your friend want to avoid you completely.
    • If it seems like you are constantly inviting your friend to things, and he or she is not inviting you to as many things – don't worry about it. As long as you are seeing each other, it doesn't matter who issued the invitation.
  7. Be reliable. Always follow through on plans you make, unless you have a serious emergency. If you need to break plans every rare once in a while, be honest with your friend and tell them why. But don't make a habit of this, or they will eventually stop inviting you to things altogether.[4]

Tips

  • Listen more than you talk. If your friend brings up something they're interested in, you'll have something to talk about next time.
  • Be optimistic! People are naturally attracted to things that make them feel good and happy. Optimists do just that!
  • Don't rant and rave. If you're an environmentalist don't shove it down your friend’s throat. If you're a democrat and your friends is a republican, then avoid political topics. Controversial things are a big no-no in the early stages of friendship. If your friend brings it up, don't agree just to be agreeable. Try to change the topic, but never conform or quiet your opinions to make friends.

Warnings

  • Never lie or fake something about yourself to get a friend. Do you want to be friends with a fake liar? Of course not. So what makes you think they do?
  • Don't focus too much of your attention on your new friend. Give him or her some space and enjoy your alone time as well.
  • Don't push too hard. People may take time to open up to you, but after consistent efforts you aren't getting anywhere, leave them be. Don't sacrifice your dignity to please someone.
  • Don't go overboard. Don't invite them to do things constantly or call/text them all the time.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/do-happy-unstrange-a-stranger/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2010/07/15/how-to-make-new-friends/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 http://psychcentral.com/lib/turning-acquaintances-into-friends/
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://greatist.com/happiness/how-to-make-keep-friends
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201206/there-s-magic-in-your-smile
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