Stay in Love

Falling in love may seem like it happens without any effort at all, but staying in love can be a bit harder. Once you and your partner have moved past the first part of your relationship, you might find it harder to overlook certain things or you may have a hard time figuring out how to spend your time together. There are lots of ways that you can work together to keep the love in your relationship and keep it going for a long time. Start below to learn how.

Steps

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

  1. Anticipate the end of the “honeymoon phase." It is natural to be enamored with someone the first few months you are dating, feeling like nothing could ever come between you. Just keep in mind that this feeling does not last forever. After the initial feelings of lust have worn off, you may have to work a bit more to keep your relationship going strong.[1]
    • Keep in mind that the end of the honeymoon phase is not a bad thing, but rather an important step in your relationship. Now is the time you get to know your partner better and cultivate a long-lasting, loving relationship.
  2. Give each other space. It is important to spend time away from your partner in order to have time for your own interests and goals. Spending too much time together can cause problems in a relationship. If you spend every waking moment with your partner, then you may not appreciate the time that you have together as much. Make sure to plan activities apart and retain your independence as you continue your relationship.[2]
    • Try setting aside a night or day each week where you both do something on your own or with friends.
  3. Spend time together. Although it is important to have some time away from your partner now and then, spending time together is also very important. Make sure that you set aside a little time each day to catch up, perhaps over your morning coffee, over dinner, or during an evening walk.[3]
    • Make time to do things together like you did when you first started dating. For example, you can plan a movie night, a hiking trip, or a visit to a local museum.
  4. Appreciate each other. Love may fade in a relationship if one or both partners do not feel appreciated. Make sure that you tell your partner what you appreciate about him or her on a regular basis. Be specific and make sure that the things you mention are about your partner, not about you. If you appreciate your partner on a regular basis, it is more likely that you will also be appreciated in return.[3]
    • For example, you might tell your partner that you appreciate what a good listener he is or that you appreciate the way that she always has something positive to say when you get home from work.
  5. Work on establishing trust. In order to ensure a lasting love, you need to be trustworthy and be able to trust your partner in return. Building trust requires you and your partner to be vulnerable with each other, keep promises, and keep the lines of communication open. Each time that you trust your partner to take care of something for you or to keep his or her word, you are providing a chance for your partner to follow through and earn more trust from you.[4]
    • For example, if your partner is responsible for paying the electric bill each month, don’t constantly remind him or her to do so. Trust that your partner will pay the bill. If he/she does, then you can feel more comfortable trusting your partner with bigger things.
  6. Share things with your partner. As your relationship progresses, you can build a deeper bond by sharing things with your partner that you haven’t yet told them. Tell your partner about your fears, hopes, and dreams for the future and ask about theirs as well.[3]
    • Be considerate of the things your partner shares with you, even if they seem unlikely or do not appeal to you.
  7. Take care of yourself. Physical attraction is not everything in a relationship, but it is important that you look good and feel healthy in order to be your best. Make sure that you are taking care of your basic needs, such as diet, exercise, sleep, and grooming, so that you will look and feel good when you spend time with your partner.[5].

Dealing with Conflicts

  1. View each other as a team. Loving couples refer to their partners as their “other half” for a reason: they work together. You should feel comfortable chasing your dreams and helping your partner realize his or her dreams. Working on projects together, like starting a garden or redecorating the house, teaches you to respect and trust each other while fostering a loving attitude.
    • Listen to your partner when he or she wants to discuss something or needs your support. Make sure that your partner knows that you are on his or her side and that you want to offer your support in any way that you can.[6]
  2. Accept responsibility for your role in conflicts. In every relationship, conflicts will arise and you will need to find ways to work through them. One of the best things you can do to deal with conflicts is to know when you are at fault (or at least a little at fault) and try to find a way to compromise with your partner. Taking responsibility for your role in the conflicts that arise in your relationship will help to make it easier to find areas for compromise.[7]
    • For example, if you and your partner are having an argument about the best way to use your tax refund, consider whether you are part of the cause of this conflict. Have you fully considered your partner’s perspective? Why don’t you agree with him/her? What might be a good compromise that could help resolve the conflict?
  3. Forgive your lover for their flaws. No one is perfect, but people often forget this about the ones they love. Your partner is going to make mistakes and hurt your feelings sometimes. While it may be difficult to forgive them, it is something that you need to learn how to do in order to maintain a loving relationship. To avoid developing animosity in your relationship, accept that your partner is not perfect and forgive them when they are wrong.[8]
    • Remember, you have to be willing to give forgiveness to get forgiveness, and you are going to make your share of mistakes too.
  4. Be willing to make sacrifices for each other. When you love someone, your life becomes joined with theirs. Things you did when you were single become harder, and you need to think about your partner’s feelings when considering your plans. You can’t always do exactly what you want to do when you are in a relationship, so you have to get used to sacrificing for each other now and then.[9]
    • For example, if you and your partner both want to see a different movie on your date night, one of you may have to sacrifice and say, “Okay, let’s see the one you want to see this week.” Then the next time there is a conflict of choice, the partner who sacrificed last time should get to choose.
    • You may encounter bigger sacrifices at some point in your relationship as well. For example, if you are offered a job in another state, your partner would have to decide if he or she is willing to sacrifice his or her job, friends, etc. to enable you to take that job.
  5. Accept your partner’s quirks. As you get to know someone, you find out new little things about them that you may find strange. Everyone has different preferences and habits, and you cannot expect your partner to do everything just like you do. Do your best to accept and appreciate their quirks instead of trying to change them.
    • If something your partner does truly bothers you or causes you anxiety, then you need to talk to your partner about it. Avoid putting your complaint into critical terms or demanding your partner to change. Instead, say how the behavior makes you feel and ask if there is anything that your partner thinks might help to solve the problem.[10]
    • For example, try saying, “When you leave your dirty clothes on the floor it makes me feel frustrated and anxious. Is there anything we could do to make it easier to put clothes in the hamper?”

Rekindling the Passion

  1. Plan a vacation together. Even if you can’t afford a vacation right now, sitting down for a few hours and discussing your dream vacation will help you to reconnect. It will also provide you both with something to look forward to and daydream about. If you get to take the vacation someday, it will be extra special because of all of the time you spent planning it together. If you never get a chance to take the vacation together, you will still have many happy memories of planning the vacation.[11]
  2. Create traditions. Having shared traditions is a great way to strengthen the bond between you and your partner.[12] Brainstorm with your partner to create some traditions that will strengthen your bond. You can look forward to these traditions and create new ones as your relationship continues to progress.
    • Many traditions evolve over time as a result of your mutual likes and dislikes. For example, you might both enjoy watching the Oscars and start a tradition of having an Oscar watching party where you both dress up and present each other with an award.
  3. Create moments together. Make a conscious effort to do things together. Even if your schedules are tight, make sure that you set aside some time to spend together every week. You can cook a meal together, go shopping together, or watch a movie. Try to have a date every week to stay connected.[11]
  4. Spice up your life in the bedroom. Things can become boring between couples that have been together for a long time, but you can always do things to spice up your sex life. If you are willing to try something new, you can reinvigorate your sex life and breathe passion into the relationship.
    • Be open and honest about your desires – you should always talk with your partner before trying something new.
  5. Show how much you love someone with gifts, surprises, or adventures. It is too easy to take someone for granted when you’ve been with them for years, but you need to take the time to acknowledge how much your partner matters to you.[3] Bring flowers home from work, bake a cake just because, or buy those new shoes your lover has been eyeing. Showing that you think about your partner even when you are not together is a fantastic way to keep your love alive.
    • Remember that you cannot buy someone’s love. Any gifts you buy should be thoughtful, not just expensive.

Tips

  • Staying in love takes work, but that work is rewarded with a deeper, more fulfilling relationship. Try to be patient as you and your partner work towards your shared goal of a long, loving relationship.

Warnings

  • If someone is unwilling to work on staying in love with you or does not treat you with respect, it may be time to move on.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://elitedaily.com/dating/science-honeymoon-phase/884360/
  2. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-10-secrets-of-happy-couples/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/02/14/15-ideas-for-keeping-romance-alive-year-round/
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-point/201404/5-strategies-build-trust-and-increase-confidence
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201402/how-flirt-and-be-attractive
  6. ↑ http://www.relationshipmatters.com/what-is-true-teamwork-in-marriage/
  7. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/7-tips-on-developing-and-maintaining-a-successful-intimate-relationship/
  8. ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/positive-psychology/2011/08/why-forgiveness-is-major-key-in-relationship-success/
  9. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/when_are_you_sacrificing_too_much_in_your_relationship
  10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201003/stop-criticizing-your-mate-re-learning-what-you-once-knew
  11. ↑ 11.0 11.1 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/02/14/15-ideas-for-keeping-romance-alive-year-round/
  12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201405/5-ways-create-family-traditions
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