Ask Your Girlfriend to Hold Hands

Holding hands: the very thought can make your hands begin to sweat and your heart start to race. Maybe you've never held a girl's hand before. Even if you have, holding hands for the first time can be a big step in a relationship. If you are thinking about holding her hand for the first time, you want to make sure it will be a special and romantic moment.

Steps

Creating a Moment

  1. Don't immediately go for her hand. Holding hands should be something that is enjoyable and brings two people closer. Holding hands for the first time is a special moment because it means you are putting yourself out there. Even if you've been thinking about it for a long time, if you decide to ask her to hold hands, it shouldn't be the first thing that comes out of your mouth when you see her. This may come across as abrupt as opposed to romantic.
  2. Be somewhere special. Make sure you are somewhere where you and your girlfriend feel comfortable. Try not to be somewhere that is too loud or distracting. For instance, try not to be in a really loud restaurant with TV's blaring from every side. This is probably not the place that your girlfriend wants to have this special moment with you. You also probably don't want to hold her hand for the first time in math class, or somewhere that both of you would rather not be.This moment should be about your relationship, not anything else. [1]
  3. Get comfortable with her. Take it off your mind for a while when you first see her. Settle into how you usually are with each other and make sure that you're not thinking about it too much. If you think too much about when you are going to take her hand, you might come across as quiet, worried or even bored.
    • Instead of thinking "Should I do it now? Or maybe I should do it now?", try to relax. Make her laugh. This will make the moment even more special when it happens.
    • If you are nervous and can't stop worrying about when you are going to ask her, take it off the table. Think to yourself, "I don't have to ask her today. I can always ask her some other time". Giving yourself the option to postpone takes off the pressure and will help you relax. You may even find that it will relax you enough to actually go through with it!
  4. Read her body language. You can tell an amazing amount about what a girl is feeling or thinking by reading her body language. You could even argue that body language is more important that what someone actually says, because it shows their level of comfort and interest. This is why if you are ready to take her hand, you should test the waters first and try to pick up cues about whether she wants to hold hands. Some examples of positive and receptive body language include:
    • Smiling
    • Leaning towards you as opposed to away from you
    • Having her face, torso and feet pointed at you
    • Mirroring your gestures or expressions
    • Seeming relaxed as opposed to stiff [2]
  5. Get a bit closer to her. Does she seem to mind you getting closer? If she moves a little bit away as you move closer, she may not yet feel comfortable holding hands. However, you can tell that she is interested if she does not move away and if her torso and feet are pointed towards you as opposed to pointed away. If someone has their body pointed towards you while you are close together, it shows a level of comfort and trust. [3]
  6. Test out physical contact. In the course of conversation, see how your girlfriend reacts to your touch. If she says something funny, touch her shoulder and tell her how funny she is. If she is receptive to you getting close to her and doesn't try to create distance between both of you, then you'll know that it's a good time to ask her.

Asking her to Hold Hands

  1. Ask her directly. At a pause in the conversation, look at her in the eye. Smile at her and ask her if she would like to hold hands.
    • Tell her something like "I really want to hold you hand", or "Would it be ok if I held your hand?" Or something like "Would you like to hold my hand?"
    • The fact that you are asking her rather than just doing it shows your girlfriend how much you respect her. Society often tells us that men have to make the first move, so she may have really wanted to hold your hand this whole time! [4]
  2. Nonverbally ask her. If you feel assured of your relationship and your girlfriend has been giving off positive body language, you may not have to ask her to hold hands.
    • One way that you can do this is to move your hand closer to hers, which works best if you are sitting at a table. If she keeps her hand in the same spot or moves it closer to yours, then she probably wants to hold hands.
    • If she takes it off the table, then you should take that as a sign that she does not want to hold hands.[5]
  3. Offer your hand. You can also offer your hand to her. If you are walking together, hold your hand out to her to take. If you are sitting across from each other an a table, turn your hand over so it is palm-up. This is a non-verbal invitation for her to hold hands with you. It is a good middle ground between asking verbally and just taking her hand.
  4. Take her hand. If you are feeling bold and are getting signs that your girlfriend wants to hold hands, you can simply take her hand. One way to do this is to look her in the eyes, place your hands in hers, and smile. Although you didn't ask her, this way of holding hands is very personal and romantic.
  5. Act natural. You're probably totally psyched that you're holding hands for the first time. But one important thing to do is to keep on acting as you normally do. Even though you probably paused the conversation by asking her to hold hands, start talking again, either about what you were talking about before or a new subject. You don't want to just start holding her hand and go silent on her! [1]
  6. Let go when it's time. As awesome as holding hands is, it can't go on forever. There's no rule about when it's time to stop holding hands, but sometimes your hands get sweaty, or you both have to go through a doorway and you can't keep holding hands. Know that even though you asked her to hold hands, you don't have to ask her to stop.
    • If you are worried about being too abrupt, give her hand a little squeeze and then let go. This is a nice way of letting her know that you enjoyed it, but it's time to let go.
    • If you want, after you let go you can even say something like "I love holding your hand", or "I've been wanting to do that for a long time". This is a sweet thing to say and she'll love it!

Dealing with Rejection

  1. Try not to get upset. Maybe you tried to hold your girlfriend's hand and she did not want to. This can happen, but it isn't anything to get too upset over. Maybe she wasn't ready for it and it took her by surprise. It could be that she hadn't thought about holding hands before, and she needs some time to consider if she wants to. [6]
  2. Don't treat her differently. After she tells you she doesn't want to hold hands, don't retreat or go silent. It may be that she isn't ready to hold hands or was taken by surprise. You don't want to make her feel bad for not wanting to hold hands.
    • Say something like: "That's ok, I just thought I'd ask". This will stop her from feeling bad or guilty.
    • You could also say: "That's fine, it's nice just to be with you". Saying this saves the situation from being awkward and shows her that no matter what, you care about her.
  3. Remember that it may not have to do with you. You know the old phrase "It's not you, it's me?" Well, it really could be her! There are a lot of reasons why she could have rejected your offer, so try not to take it personally or as a reflection of your relationship. [7]
  4. Check that you are on the same page. Holding hands is often a sign that you are part of a couple. Are you public about your relationship? Maybe she didn't want to hold hands because she felt it was the wrong moment for your relationship to go public. [8]
    • Don't ask your girlfriend about your relationship status right after you try and hold her hand. That could make it seem like you are overreacting. If you feel comfortable having a conversation like that, choose another day to bring it up.
    • If you don't want to talk about it with her, take a minute to think about it yourself. Do your friends know about it, and have you appeared together at a dance or some kind of event where people saw you as a couple? Answering these questions to yourself can give you an answer about your relationship status.
  5. Give her the opportunity. It could be that your girlfriend was taken by surprise and said no before she could think about it. It also is possible that she wants to hold hands, but she wants to be the one in control who initiates it. Keep the opportunity there by walking beside her when you're walking, or keeping your hands on the table when sitting.

Tips

  • If your hands get sweaty while you're holding hands, know that this is completely normal. You can always let go for a little while and take her hand again later.
  • There's really no wrong way of holding hands. Some prefer to intertwine finger and others don't, it's all personal preference.
  • Remember that your girlfriend is probably excited to hold hands too! Studies even show that women on average like hand-holding more than men do! [9]
  • When your girlfriend is scared to hold hands just ask her if she wants to and maybe you will have a better chance if a yes. Don't forget if she says no, don't force her but don't give up because she could just be shy.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating_top_ten/75_dating_list.html
  2. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/female-body-language_b_3469175.html
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201110/reading-basic-body-language-dating-and-persuasion-success
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201510/should-women-make-the-first-move-in-relationship
  5. ↑ http://www.herinterest.com/how-to-get-a-guy-to-hold-your-hand/
  6. ↑ http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/dealing-with-rejection
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fighting-fear/201308/how-cope-rejection
  8. ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/05/fashion/05hands.html?pagewanted=all
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201401/seven-types-physical-affection-in-relationships
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