Find Out if Your Friend's Crush Is Crushing Back

Navigating the depths of love is hard to say the least. This is especially true when you're trying to be a good friend and tasked with investigating the true feelings of a friend's crush. With some intuition and old-fashioned honesty, you can make the complicated game of love a little bit easier.

Steps

Making Honesty Work

  1. Be up front. The easiest and most effective way is to just ask your friend's crush about their feelings. If you're having trouble working up the courage to ask such a personal question, there's a few ways to make the process easier.
    • Consider the time and place you're going to have the conversation. Make sure the crush is in a comfortable area, probably out of earshot from anyone who could listen in.
    • Be gentle. Don't use confrontational lines, such as "Everyone knows you like Ryan. Just come out and say it!" Instead, you might say "You seem really happy around Ryan. Do you think you might have feelings for him?"
    • Don't pry too much if they seem uncomfortable. If the crush seems to get embarrassed during your conversation, back off a bit. They may need time before they're willing to divulge such sensitive feelings. [1]
  2. Ask about their love life. Instead of asking the crush directly about your friend, try starting with their love life in general. Ask to see if they're dating anyone or if they're currently looking to find a love interest.
  3. Ask about your friend in a platonic way. Ask your friend's crush less leading questions about your friend, and see if they naturally bring up their potential attraction. Try questions such as, "So how did you and Cayla meet?" or "How long have you known each other?"

Spotting a Flirt

  1. Examine body language. People give off noticeable changes in their movements when they feel attracted to someone. While everyone has their own set of bodily cues, there are some common signs to look out for when someone's crushing.
    • Open postures such as uncrossed legs, open arms, and palms facing up.
    • People will often lean in much closer to a crush when speaking with them in comparison to the personal space they use with platonic friends.
    • Sometimes people will play with their hair, jewelry, or will simply make extended eye contact and smile during their conversations with crushes. [2]
  2. Watch for eye contact. Prolonged eye contact, even for just over a second, is a common sign of either aggression or romantic interest. Pay close attention to how long your friend's crush gazes at your buddy. If they fail to maintain consistent eye contact, then it could be a bad sign for any hopes of a relationship. On the contrary, it's an excellent signal of affection if they constantly stay locked onto each other's eyes during conversations.
  3. Look at their social media communication. See if your friend's crush interacts with your friend frequently on social media accounts such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Pay attention to the language they use with your friend, and see if they use obvious signs such as smiley face or winky face emojis.
  4. Look for compliments. People looking to give off signs of attraction will likely dole out many compliments to their crush.
    • Watch to see if your friend's crush praises them on their talents or academic accomplishments. It's important to note that being complimentary isn't always a sign of affection, so it's crucial to pay attention to the frequency of their praise and admiration.
    • Compliments on physical features are an especially key sign of flirting. Did your friend's crush notice their new glasses, haircut, or workout routine? Flirts tend to notice these subtle changes and point them out to convey affection.
    • Sexual innuendos laced in jokes and conversations can also be not-so-subtle signs of a flirt's desire to spice up conversations with the person of their desire.
  5. Listen for references on their availability. Flirts will commonly drop hints in conversations that reflect their relationship status, such as mentioning they're recently single or how lonely they've been.
  6. Understand different kinds of flirts. Some people may flirt very openly and little guessing is required, while others can be introverted flirts with more subtle signs of affection.
    • Physical flirts rely on body language cues to convey their feelings. They often use physical signs of affection before verbal cues, such as eye contact and playful touching.
    • Traditional flirts tend to be more polite, preferring to convey affection over a longer period of time instead of using flashy and overt statements such as saying they're single or rubbing their crush's arm. These flirts also prefer professional environments like bookstores or study groups to build relationships over parties.
    • Playful flirts use very clear signs of affection in a boisterous manner. For example, they may joke excessively in a sexual way with their crush or make bold physical complements about their crush's appearance. [3]
  7. Talk to your crush's friends. Find out who your crush's friends are and ask around to see if what the status of the crush's feelings are. Chances are if the crush is significant the word has already made its way around to people.

Giving Your Friend Confidence

  1. Give them affirmations. Another solution is to give your friend enough confidence ask their crush directly so you don't have to do the leg work.
    • Discreetly feed your friend affirmations such as, "Everyone knows how confident you are, why not put it to use and ask Nicki how she feels?"
    • Congratulate them on little steps, such as starting small talk with their crush or asking them for help with some schoolwork.
    • Give them support even when they falter. If they lose their nerve to talk to their crush at a party, let them know it's okay to be afraid sometimes and that there will be other opportunities to develop a relationship.
  2. Help them improve. If they feel uncomfortable with their body or lifestyle, start supporting healthy habits. Go to the gym with your friend, sign up for yoga classes, or start up a diet together.
  3. Listen to their concerns. Sometimes people can gain confidence just by airing out their insecurities. Ask them why they feel uncomfortable confronting their crush, and let them know it's normal to feel anxiety about such an important question. [4]

Tips

  • Be certain that the crush in question actually knows who your friend is. If they exchanged fleeting eye contact in the hallway but haven't had a real conversation, there probably isn't any serious romantic attraction.

Warnings

  • Make sure the crush is worthy of your friend. If someone seems like trouble, it may be best to get your friend interested in someone else.
  • Don’t force anything. Sometimes the crush just isn’t reciprocated and you have to accept the facts and let it go.
  • Be certain you’re not picking up the wrong signs. Some people are naturally bubbly so what appears to be flirting could merely be normal conversation.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.samaritans.org/difficultconversations
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201110/reading-basic-body-language-dating-and-persuasion-success
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201408/how-spot-flirt
  4. ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/14515/1/How-to-Boost-the-Confidence-of-Others.html
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