Get Your Mind Off a Girl
Stuck on a girl? Everybody goes through it. Whether you've been through a break-up or are trying to get over a crush that didn't work out, you can learn how to move on and distract those frustrating thoughts. It'll get better.
Contents
Steps
Getting Over a Break-Up
- Let yourself be sad, but only for a while. Eating ice cream and binge-watching some television show on Netflix isn't just for girls who get dumped. If you want to be bummed and slop around the house for a while, do it. No shame. It's a necessary phase, sometimes.
- Don't let it go on for too long, or it just becomes whiny and depressing. Good rule of thumb? Let yourself grieve one day for each month you were together. If it takes longer, it takes longer, but let yourself get over her.
- Stop communicating with her. Whether you've been dumped or broke it off mutually, stop talking with the girl. If you're stuck on someone, maintaining your distance is the key. Stop texting with her. Stop calling her. Stop talking to her on G-Chat. Just stop all forms of communication.
- If you have to see this girl, in school or elsewhere, keep it cool. Make your interactions professional and brief. If she keeps bothering you, say something like, "I don't have anything to say to you."
- Unfriend her or block her posts on social networking sites. There's nothing to be gained from constantly checking your ex's page to see who she's been talking to. That's only going to make it worse.
- Get rid of any mementos from your relationship. That jersey your girlfriend gave you? Get rid of it. The cute cards and notes she sent you? In the trash. There's little value in surrounding yourself with things that remind you of this person who hurt you.
- If you really like something that reminds you of your girlfriend, or you just don't want to get rid of it entirely, it's still a good idea to box it up and put it somewhere you can't see it. Give it to a friend to take, or shove it into a closet where you can't see it.
- Talk to your friends about how you're feeling. Often, guys have a hard time talking about their feelings, especially with their male friends. If most of your conversations revolve around sports, music, or some other hobby, it's still good to just talk. Get together and talk about something to distract yourself, and bring up how you're feeling if it comes up.
- Consider talking to your dad about it. While he might seem like a gruff dinosaur, he's also probably been there. Open up a little.
- It's also fine, and maybe even better, to talk to female friends, if you need to. Talk to a sister, cousin, or a close friend who you can lean on. Get advice, or just vent.
- Write it out. Sit down with a piece of paper and a pencil, and write about how you're feeling. Nobody needs to read it, and you don't even need to look at it when you're done. But if you're struggling to deal with your emotions, and you can't stop thinking about someone, try to write it out, then tear it up when you're finished. Just vent, then burn the evidence.
- Write her name at the top of the paper, and address the letter to her if it helps you focus your attention. Tell her exactly what you wish you could. Then, of course, get rid of it.
- Celebrate your freedom. Every breakup is like a coin. On the one side, there's loss and sadness and all the bad stuff. Yeah, you're alone. Yeah, you got dumped. On the other? You're free. Even if you were happy in the relationship, there's a lot to be said for being single, and having options.
- Kick up your heels a little, when it feels right. Sometimes, going out for a dumb night with the boys is called for. You don't have to ask permission.
- try to think of something that you wouldn't have been allowed to do in your relationship. Blasting AC/DC at 9 am while you eat ribs for breakfast and watch MMA? Do it.
- Be responsible, even if you're hurting. A break-up isn't an excuse to abuse alcohol, tobacco, or drugs.
- Get busy. If all you're doing is padding around your room and moping, it's no wonder that you're stuck on some girl. Get out of the house and start doing things. Find something to occupy your time, so this girl won't. Skip to the last section for tips on distracting yourself and getting busy.
Getting Over a Crush
- Take a shot. If you can't stop thinking about a girl, but are too afraid to actually do anything about it, you should do something about it. Pining for someone who doesn't know you exist is way worse than getting turned down. At least you'll know, and then you can move on.
- Don't make it complicated, or over-think it. Don't use any lines. Just walk up to this girl you've been thinking about a lot and introduce yourself. Say, "Hey, I know this might seem kind of random, but I've just always noticed you. You seem really sweet, and I like you a lot. Would you like to hang out sometime?"
- Read this article to learn more about talking to girls.
- Make new and different friends. If you've got a major crush on someone that you can't be with, that can be a tough situation. Maybe it's a friend who is already seeing someone, or a girl who doesn't even know you exist. Whatever the case, it's always a good idea to form new and different relationships with friends, and try to find the group you feel most comfortable around.
- Try to find some girls that you enjoy hanging out with, but aren't necessarily attracted to. Often, younger people will only focus on looks. Consider just getting to know some girls as friends and hanging out instead. You'll learn a lot.
- Hang out with a variety of different people. Make some artsy friends. Make some sporty friends. Make some friends from all sorts of different families.
- Work on yourself for a while. Some people can get totally focused on what someone else thinks. But it's important, especially when you're young, to really focus on forming your own identity, and working on yourself. Pursue your fun hobbies, doing things that you enjoy. Throw yourself into your school work. Hang out with your friends. There's nothing wrong with just enjoying your life as it is.
- There's plenty of time for dating. If you're pretty young, don't worry about these youth romances. It'll get better.
- Change up your priorities. When you're young, a lot of guys will focus on the "popular" girls. If you're stuck on some girl because she's very social, or very pretty, or all the other guys like her, that's pretty normal. But, it's also usually not real. It's better to find people that you actually have something in common with, and enjoy being around. That's not always the super-attractive cheerleader type.
- try to focus less on superficial things and more on making a genuine connection with someone. Open yourself up to people and be friends first.
- Don't worry about finding "the one." When you're young and fixed on young love, it can seem like you'll never find anyone as perfect as this girl you're crushing on. It can seem like you'll be alone forever, even if you're just a teenager. But it's really hard to know what you want when you're young.
- Remember how into that toy you were obsessed with when you were like 7? How do you feel about it now? That's usually how you'll feel about crushes and young relationships when you get older.
- Find someone else to crush on. The single best way to move on from a crush that hasn't worked out is to turn your attentions elsewhere. Who else has got your eye? Who else seems like an interesting, attractive, and engaging person in your world?
- Crushes are fun and all, but it's also good to look inward. Focus on having fun with your friends and spending time with your family. There's plenty of time for romance.
Distracting Yourself
- Start exercising. An excellent way to get both your mind and body under control is to start using your body in positive ways. If you're feeling stuck and down because of a girl, head to the gym, the track, or the basketball court. Get moving, and work out your frustrations and your sadness by getting in shape.
- If you like sports, get together with some other people and play. Play touch football, basketball, or some other sport you enjoy playing. Turn all that energy into competing.
- If you don't like sports, find a cardio-strength training routine that you can do by yourself. Pick about 10 basic exercises that you can repeat in brief circuits to get yourself moving.
- Many studies report that exercise helps to reduce the risk and the symptoms of clinical depression. Aside from the obvious cardiovascular health benefits, exercise is proven to make you feel better.
- Distract yourself with work. Whatever you do, do more of it. If you have a job, start taking on extra responsibilities, spending extra hours on the job, and working hard at being the best worker there. If you're in school, throw yourself into your readings and your assignments. Distract yourself by bettering yourself with activity.
- Alternatively, it might be good to take some time off. If you're struggling to concentrate and take things seriously, try taking a week off. Call in sick. Go camping for the weekend and get away from you responsibilities.
- Go out more. Use the opportunity to socialize more. Hang out with new friends, old friends, and your family. Hit up a new movie, a new dance club, a new bar. Go to shows, go on hikes, go out. Do anything that gets you out of your house and keeps you from moping around.
- Try to be with other people as much as you can. It's cool to go out by yourself, but it's also a goo idea to hang out with other people, who'll be able to talk with you and take your mind off things.
- Try meeting people, if and when you feel ready. Give yourself the challenge of chatting up a stranger you're attracted to. It's a good exercise.
- Consider moving, or making some other big change. If you've shared an apartment or house with a girl, it can be really hard to stay there. Seeing the same coffee shops, restaurants, and neighborhood spots where you always spent time together can just be annoying. Find a new place, if you can. Explore a new neighborhood on the other side of town.
- In some cases, it's a good idea to split up different hangouts. Give your ex one coffee shop, but take another. Make a rule the other can't go there.
- Pick up a new hobby. If you're struggling to stop thinking about a girl, give yourself something new to think about and get obsessed with. There are all kinds of things that are better uses of your time than pining over a girl. wikiHow's a great resource for it as well:
Tips
- Don't try to show off to mask your anger/pain/sadness. It'll only make you look like a big jerk.
- The first time seeing the girl after the break up/rejection, act normal. You didn't do anything wrong and neither did she. Don't shy away from her or avoid her. It's all good.
Warnings
- Don't skip stages or else you may go back to think about the girl again.
Related Articles
- Get a Girl with Your Eyes
- Get Over a Crush on Your Best Friend
- Get Your Ex Back if She Left You for an Ex
- Get a Girl to Like You in Middle School
- Be a Punk Girl
