Deal With Seeing the Girl You Have a Crush on with Another Guy

Seeing the person you have a crush on with someone else can be really difficult. It’s even harder if you can’t avoid running into them at school. It’s tough to act normal when you see them together. It can make you feel heartbroken and even a little hopeless. These are natural feelings. Luckily, there are ways you can make it easier on yourself. Once a little time passes, you will probably start feeling a lot better.

Steps

Staying Calm

  1. Breathe. Seeing your crush with another guy is not a good feeling, especially if you had no idea she was with someone else already. You thought you had a chance with her and suddenly you realize that you don’t. Your first instinct might be to panic or even get angry. Getting upset is a normal reaction. You might find yourself breathing very fast or holding your breath when this happens. This can make your anxiety a lot worse, unfortunately.
    • Take a moment to focus on your breathing.[1]
    • Breathe slowly and deeply. If it helps, close your eyes for a moment.
    • Inhale while counting to five, then exhale while counting to five.
  2. Look away. The more you look at her with someone else, the more it will hurt. It’s going to be hard, but force yourself to look away. If you don’t, you might start getting visibly upset, which will make you feel even worse. If you're staring, she might notice and get uncomfortable. Her boyfriend might also notice and get angry. You'll feel better if you focus on something else.
    • Pull out a book or your class notes and focus on reading.
    • Even if you’re too upset to read, do what you can to keep your eyes on the page.
    • If you’re not in class, pull out your phone and text a friend or play a game.
  3. Get out of the situation. This isn’t always going to be an option, but if you can, get up and leave the room. Try to do this as calmly and naturally as you can. Keep your pace normal as you head for the door. Find a quiet place where you can have a moment of privacy. Your thoughts will probably feel really negative at first. You might feel angry at yourself, or not good enough. This is normal.
    • For every negative thought you have, try to immediately follow it up with a positive one. For instance, you might think, “He is way more popular than me and better at sports, too. Of course she likes him over me.”
    • Try to counter this with a positive thought right away. You could think, “But I’m popular, too. I have lots of friends. Maybe I’m not good at sports but I’m good at other things.”
  4. Find a friend to talk to.[2] One of the best ways to cope with this situation is to immediately track down one of your friends and talk to them. Make sure it’s someone you trust and can be open with. Tell your friend what happened, even if you feel a little embarrassed about it.
    • Chances are, your friend has experienced this very same situation. It tends to happen to everyone at some point!
    • Talking about it with a friend can help you feel a lot better.

Avoiding Painful Situations

  1. Unfollow her social media accounts.[2] This can be a tough one, because you’ll naturally want to see what she’s doing. Unfortunately, her social media will probably involve lots of pictures and posts of her with someone else. Stop following her Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr accounts. You don’t have to unfriend her on Facebook – she will probably notice this and it could make your friendship awkward. Instead, use Facebook’s privacy settings to block her updates from showing up in your feed.
    • Having to deal with her presence constantly online will make the situation so much harder for you.
    • Unfollowing her on social media will help you think about her less and keep you from obsessing over what she’s doing.
  2. Avoid the places where she hangs out.[3] You probably know where she tends to spend a lot of her time, which makes it easy for you to avoid these places completely. This doesn’t have to be a permanent thing, and you should never feel like a place is “off-limits” to you because of another person. However, you’ll probably feel better if you avoid her known hang-outs for a short time, at least at first.
    • “Out of sight, out of mind” is an old cliché that can be very useful when you’re trying to get over a crush.
    • You’ll make it harder on yourself to get past the situation if it’s in your face all the time.
  3. Stay busy.[4] It can be easy to isolate yourself when you feel sad about a crush. You might not feel like being around people and it may seem preferable to be alone in your room. Make an effort to focus on your school work or find a new hobby that will keep you actively thinking about other things. Look for activities that will get you out of the house and around other people.
    • It might take a little extra energy to focus on something other than your crush, but you can do it.
    • Trying out new hobbies and making plans with your friends can help you keep your mind distracted.

Moving On

  1. Get support. If having this crush is affecting you too much or in a negative way, talk to your friends and family about it.[2] Ask your friends to distract you and change the subject when you bring up your crush. Sometimes it helps to vent to someone you trust, like a parent or sibling.
    • If you feel too shy to talk to your parents or friends about your crush, consider talking to a guidance counselor or school therapist about your feelings.[5]
    • Sometimes it’s easier to talk openly with someone who you don’t have to see every day.
  2. Find an outlet for your feelings. Many people find that writing their feelings down in a journal helps them feel better about bad situations. If you don’t enjoy writing, there are lots of other ways to express your emotions. Try doing something creative, like art or music.[5]
    • If you respond better to physical activities, get involved with a sport or take frequent walks.
    • Try loading your favorite songs into your iPod and hitting the jogging trail.
    • Physical activity can help you focus on something else and it can have positive effects on your well-being.
  3. Take care of yourself. Being upset about a crush can have a lot of negative effects. You might have a hard time sleeping at night. Sometimes people lose their appetite and they start skipping meals. These are normal reactions to sad feelings. Even if you don’t feel like it, try to practice self-care during this time.
    • Drink plenty of water and eat well. Get as much sleep as you can.
    • Whenever your body gets run down, dealing with emotional issues is much harder. Keeping yourself physically healthy will help you move on faster.[5]
  4. Be open to a new crush.[6] Make an effort to hang out with people who you share similar interests and hobbies with. Not only will this keep you distracted, but it puts you in a good position to meet a new crush. For a short time, it might feel like your current crush is the only girl in the world. You may think you’ll never like another girl as much as her ever again.
    • This is a normal feeling and it will pass. Remember, there are other girls out there!
    • It’s okay to feel sad for a little while, but not forever. Meeting someone new can help you get over your crush and move on.
  5. Build your resilience. Resilience is a quality that helps you to keep moving forward when you encounter difficult situations. Try to develop your resilience to help make moving forward easier on you and to protect yourself in the future. Some things you can do to develop your resilience include:[7]
  6. Learn how to handle disappointment. As you move forward, it is important to recognize that this is probably not the only time that you will experience disappointment. However, you can develop your ability to deal with disappointment so that you will be better equipped to handle it in the future. Some things you can do include:[8]
    • Facing your disappointment head on. Instead of avoiding the situation, acknowledge it and look for learning opportunities and solutions.
    • Let yourself feel the emotions you are having for a little while. It is okay to feel express your feelings when you are disappointed. Just make sure that you do not dwell on these feelings. Try telling a friend how you feel or writing about your feelings to help you get them off your chest.
    • Do something nice for yourself. When things don’t go your way, you might also find it helpful to do something kind for yourself, like you might do for a friend who is feeling down. Buy yourself a new book, pair of shoes, or an outfit. Take yourself for a massage or manicure. Or, just give yourself permission to spend the day doing whatever you want, whether that is playing video games, watching movies, reading, or hiking in the woods.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.loveisrespect.org/for-yourself/self-care/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 http://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-over-a-crush
  3. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/14/how-to-move-on-after-some_n_5983942.html
  4. ↑ http://www.teenissues.co.uk/copingwithacrush.html
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 http://www.loveisrespect.org/for-yourself/self-care/
  6. ↑ http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/advice/when-to-call-it-quits-on-an-unrequited-crush/
  7. ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201506/8-ways-bounce-back-after-disappointment
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